Love & Other Possibilities

Chapter 8 - Winter

    I kept an eye out the window, making sure that Ross would pull away. My heart thundered in my ears, and I couldn't seem to keep my hands from shaking. When I was sure he was gone I opened the front door, and there he was. Standing well over six foot tall, with sandy blonde hair and eyes such an intense moss green it almost looked like he wore colored contacts. His lean body was covered in a hood and baggy, ripped jeans. 

    "How did you find me?" I asked, my voice icy. He looked hurt, but his expression wore the same ferocity of a predator looking at prey.

    "Is that how you say hello to someone you haven't seen in three years?" He asked, his voice deeper than I remembered it. 

    "Nowaday's, yeah." I said coolly. The smirk faded from his lips. 

    "You seemed pretty comfy in that douche's front seat..." He said, anger roughing his voice. "You move on so soon?"

    "That was my boss. I stayed late, so he gave me a ride home, because I missed the bus." I replied, wanting to get attention off of Ross as quickly as possible. 

    "What, you still not driving?" He asked with a hiss of a laugh, his eyes squinting in a mocking smile. "Man, Winnie, I thought you'd be over that by now." He sneered. 

   "Some things you don't get over... Now, tell me, why are you here?" 

I was proud of the determination in my voice, the firmness in my hand as I held the door closed. I took confidence in the knowledge that Betty and Nick were downstairs, with another neighbor upstairs. He turned his eyes past me, looking at my apartment behind me, his eyes easily looking over my head. 

    "Nice place you got here. Two floors, huh?" 

    "Randall, why are you here?" I asked, my voice elevated, fierce. His eyes flicked down at me, that familiar flame in his eyes. I stood firm, determined not to flinch. 

    "Just thought I'd pay you a visit... Let you know your Daddy died." I didn't blink. "But I guess you already knew that, huh? Surprised I didn't see you at the funeral." He mocked. 

    "Randall, really-"

    "Don't get your panties in a twist, Win." He snarled, his voice a sudden bark. "I was just passin' through, thought I'd look you up."

    "Gee, thanks." I said sarcastically. "Well it's been a blast, see you later."

    I closed the door sharply before he knew it was happening, and I had the multiple locks twisted and in place in seconds. I tried to keep my breathing even, but with the protection of the door and the comfort of the bars over the drawn windows, my body felt like it was at liberty to release it's fear. My hands shook like I'd drank too much caffeine, and my heart beat so loudly I wondered whether he could hear it. 

From the other side of the door I heart a hearty, heinous laugh. 

    "I see your manners haven't changed-" he shouted through the door. I didn't reply, I just closed my eyes and wished him away. Just let him leave, let him leave... "I'll be seein' you around, Winter."

    I waited, seconds slipping into minutes, my concept of time wearing thin. Questions rattled in my head - how did he find me? Why was he really here? I was unlisted, and I had only told one person where I was going all those years ago. Sylvia - my only friend at the time, the only one who knew everything. Would she have really told him though? What possible motive could she have had? I knew I should have moved again - I knew I shouldn't have stayed here. 

     I leaned up from the door, my head suddenly dizzy, my knees feeling weak beneath my weight as I stumbled over to the couch. Why had he come back for me? Why couldn't just leave me alone? I'd played my role in his twisted little game, what more could he want from me?

    I wanted to text someone, tell someone, let someone know how worried I was, but then I remembered that no one knew. No one knew anything. How could I tell them? Who would even care? Maybe he was just passing through...

     The moment I thought it I knew it was a lie, despite all hopes. Randall came back for a reason, and whatever it was, it didn't involve a short little visit. He knew I would have heard about Dad having died, what did he have to gain to bring it up? Did he just want to watch me squirm? That was it - it was just like any other time. He was feeling weak, and he needed to know he still had the power over someone. He needed to see someone shrink beneath him. 

    I heard my phone buzz from in my purse, and I grabbed at it, digging through it's contents before grabbing hold of it. A message from Erika - "You get Cutie's # yet?" She asked, referring to Ross. I didn't have time for this, and I tossed it to the side. I had more important things to worry about than Ross. How stupid I was to even let myself dwell on him, to dwell on posibilities. 

    I stood from the sofa, looking around the room quickly - how soon could I get out of here? I figured I could probably get the important things together in just a few hours, leave tonight. I knew that was what I should do - Get out of here, leave Randall in my dust, only this time he wouldn't have anyone to ask where I went. I wouldn't tell anyone. 

    I rushed into the living room, grabbing my suitcase from beneath my bed, and threw it open, looking at the zip lock bag of spare cash I kept always set aside, joined by my birth certificate and a copy of my drivers licence. And to think just  a few months ago I was beginning to scoff at how paranoid I'd been, living out of fear of just this moment. I wondered who would be the one to come first though, who would be the first to look for me. 

I grabbed at my clothes from my chaotic dresser, throwing some into a case before I moved on. In thirty minutes I had gone through the whole apartment, all I would need immediately packed and ready to go, the case zipped. But I couldn't grab it. No matter how loud I mentally yelled at myself to grab it, I couldn't reach out and wrap my hand around that plastic handle. 

    I looked around the bedroom. I'd only just a few months ago began hanging pictures on the wall. This... This little apartment was the closest to home I'd ever had. And it was mine - I found this life, I built it after running from the shattered pieces of my past. Would I really let it be broken by Randall? Could I leave Erika, the truest friend I'd ever had? Could I just run out on Ross, after him offering to be there for me? Could I let them worry about me, wondering if I were dead or alive? Maybe I could leave a note... No. 

    I took a step back, my eyes on that case as if it were a viper. I wouldn't leave. I couldn't leave. This was my home - I'd built it with my own two hands. I'd made it into the comfortable, honest place it was, and I wouldn't let that be tainted. I shaped this life on possibilities, and maybe - just maybe - one of those was that I was different. Possibly I could say 'no', I could refuse to be run out of this town - of my town. 

    A ferocity built in my stomach, hardening my chest, seeming to strengthen my sternum. I wouldn't leave. I would not be chased away. He could throw whatever he wanted at me, but I was done running. I'd finally found my place in this world - tiny and insignificant though it may be - and I wouldn't give it up. Not for anyone.