The Window Thing

What?

TW//Anxiety attack, not too major. Swearing.

2:45. He's still here. He was actually serious about staying. Wow. Okay. I am completely and utterly clueless. What the hell am I supposed to do? What if my parents walk in early in the morning? My eyes began to dart desperately around the room, wall to wall. It's like I was subconsciously searching for an answer that would just present itself, pop out from under the thin layer of paint covering the room enclosing me.

Thoughts ran circles in my mind. Leaving a trail of doubt or worry everywhere they went. Every second a new query decided to join the chaos. He probably doesn't even want to stay.

Whatever.

Hunter doesn't want to be here.

He does!

You're keeping him here.

He's the one with his arm around me.

He doesn't care.

That's bullshit. Shut up.

He hates coming here every night.

Nope. No. No.

You're needy as hell, you know that?

GO AWAY!

Everything began to crumble then. My vision blurred, most likely caused by tears welling in my eyes. I stopped holding them back, they fell freely down my now flushed cheeks.

Hunter still had his eyes fixated in the laptop screen balancing on his knees.

He. Doesn't. Care. He won't even look at you.

Just please...please leave me alone.

Fighting my own mind is nothing new really. It's something I've gotten used to over time...I don't know how long it's taken to actually fight back though. Saying 'go away' mentally is a lot harder than it's thought to be. Those two words don't stop me from shaking though.

Hunter didn't notice at first, I probably just looked like I was cold. It was only when I wrapped my frail, trembling arms around my waist (questionable decision considering the tightening in my chest), brought my knees up to my chest which was beginning to heave, buried my head in the little space between my knees and started to sob as quietly as possible but clearly not quiet enough that he glanced over at me.

At first he didn't take any notice and turned back to the screen illuminating my room but he soon turned back. This time swerving his whole body around to face me. I couldn't speak but there was so much I wanted to say. I wanted to tell him that I'm okay, that it's nothing, this is nothing at all. At the same time though, I wanted to tell him to hold me, wrap his arms around me and hold me against his chest so I could hear his hopefully steady heart beat. I couldn't though. The words I'm wouldn't form on my tongue. All I could do is continue think the same thing over and over and hope that some how, he'd hear my thoughts. I'm an idiot for thinking such a thing could work but I did it anyway.

Scared. Hold me. Please. Scared. Hold me. Please. Scared. Hold me. Please. Scared. Hold me. Plea-

He heard me.