She wants to escape it all. She runs from it. She gets a chance to leave it all behind. And she does, without thinking twice.
Gabrielle leaves France, her home country, when she finds an offer to babysit in London. She doesn't have a lot of ex...
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I throw up. For the fourth time tonight. Or it's the fifth time? I don't know anymore. I stopped counting. I'm dry heaving because my stomach is completely empty by now and it still doesn't want to give up.
I'm tired. I'm weak. I'm sure I can't even stand up from the cold bathroom floor. My legs won't hold me. I'm shaky and I'm cold. And I'm completely alone. That brings me both comfort and a twinge of pain.
I caught a ride back with Sam. She asked me about a hundred times what happened that put me in that state, but I reassured her it was nothing and that I just want to go home. And never come back to that place.
What happened tonight is what I never wanted to happen again. It was the second time in my life it happened to me. And it's pretty funny how I ran away just because of that same thing that followed me for years.
If this happens here, too ... I'm afraid to even think about it.
I had no tears to shed tonight. But I got a sick feeling in my stomach every time I thought about what happened tonight, which also brought back the all too familiar memories.
Damn me for being so stupid. I can't blame Alexander or Sophie for anything that happened to me. It was all me. I was stupid, I didn't think. I knew Alexander had a girlfriend, yet I chose to ride with him. Even though I still hate him and there was nothing romantic about it, I know Sophie didn't see it in the way it really was.
She saw it as a jealous girlfriend that saw her boyfriend riding on a motorcycle with someone that wasn't her. I get it. I even understand it.
I shouldn't do that. But now it is what it is.
I hear Alexander's motorcycle outside, nearing the house. The sick feeling in my stomach appears again and I vomit for the fifth or sixth time tonight. I know there are only a few hours left until the sun rises, but I don't have to babysit Amelia, so that comforts me.
I don't know how I'd be able to pull myself together and act all chirpy and happy. I don't know where I'd get the energy to entertain a kid as if nothing is wrong and as if my life is not falling apart for the second time.
I hear Alexander going to his room without single care while I'm in the next room barely living, barely even a human.
I hear the shower turn on. I listen to the water run and let it calm me down a bit. My thoughts shut down, finally, as if this was the only thing it took. I put my head on the toilet seat, too tired to move, too scared that if I do, the monster thoughts will crawl back in my head.
I close my eyes and let the running water soothe me enough to lull me into sleep.
•••
"A little help here, Sin?"
"Do I really have to?" The words are followed by a groan of displeasure.
