Do You Honestly Think It Makes You Anymore of a Man?

Chapter 1

"Fuck off," I say. Then I add, with a bit of hesitation, "faggot."

The kid stares up at me. I finally feel a little bit higher. I've always been the shortest of guys. Five foot four. All my friends were at least six feet. But this little kid, he was what, five feet? I was at least a crayon taller than him. I smirk at him.

"Hey," one guy pushes me and stands next to the kid. "Why don't you fuck off? That's my little brother you're talking to."

I shrugged and walked back to my group of friends. It felt good to finally be bigger than a guy. To be able to stand tall and laugh at him. All my friends did that with guys in our grade. They did it to each other. They laid off me, though. They wanted me to practice on them. But whenever I called any of them a fag, all of them would burst out in laughter. I'm too "delicate". Too "small".

"Jeez, man." Isaac, a boy I used to be taller than up until middle school, takes a couple steps closer to me. "That was harsh."

"Well," I sigh. I had gotten better at not saying sorry. "Little faggot deserved it. You saw what he was calling that chick."

"Way to be the white knight," Aaron says. I look at him and see a little smile in the corner of his lips.

Aaron never really talked. I used to be like that until I went into high school. Too scared to talk. I used to be such a pussy. Before I made my way into this group of guys, I was a pussy. But here I am, on top of the world. They taught me how to be like them. How to be a real guy. The people I used to hang out with never helped me. Their made up genders never made me feel any better. The things I used to watch never made me feel any better. Dan and Phil. My music taste never did any good. Twenty One Pilots. I thought it was me. It wasn't me. This is me. I'm a bigger person than I've ever been.

There's five people in our group. Me, Isaac, Aaron, Kyle, and Chris. From what I know of, we're a pretty likable group of kids. We all get good grades, we stick up for the girls who get bullied, we love our moms. What more could you like?

Isaac, Kyle, and Chris all have girlfriends. Me and Aaron have been asked out many times, but there's only one person I'm really interested in. I never told any of the guys, mainly because I'm afraid they'll make fun of me. I mean, I'm not a pussy.

Isaac puts his arm around me. The five of us are walking to Isaac's house. He lives with his brother who's at college out of state. His dad's dead and his mom's in prison. I said he loves his mother. I wasn't lying; they write to each other everyday. I'll get to her reason for prison later.

We walk into the disgusting house together. We usually go to Aaron's house because it's cleaner and his mom makes us the best dinner. We only go to Isaac's because it's the best for smoking and that's where we keep our beer. I don't like drinking a lot, but I smoke because it seems to lower my voice. Kyle once mentioned to me that I sound like I still haven't gone through puberty, so my voice makes me a little self conscious.

I sit on the grimy couch I usually sit at. Aaron sits next to me. He usually sits at the diningroom working on his homework. And when he isn't, he sits on the torn recliner next to the TV. I'm wondering why he's sitting with me today when Chris begins talking.

"We should play a game," he says. "We could call it, Who's Fuckin' Gay."

Kyle stifles a laugh. Isaac pulls out a cigarette and lights it. He brings it up to his smooth lips. He breathes in, then out. He takes it out and stares tiredly at me. He's sitting on the arm of the grimy couch. He leans down to me and forcefully pulls my face up to his. He kisses me.

"Ugh, dude!" I pulls away quickly. I rub my lips. "Fuck you!"

Kyle laughs his obnoxious laugh. "Aw, baby, was that your first kiss?"