Dave x John give thanks and turkey attacks.

Devil spawn

   "God dammit!" Dave growled as his hands grabbed onto air as his target mockingly perched itself onto its feeding bowl. Tilting its wrinkly, flabby, disturbingly cocky looking head. He swore the damn thing was laughing at his efforts as it gobbled away. It's beak falling open as it flapped it's wings in challenge.
   Dave could practically hear John in the house laughing his ass off with his camera at the ready, recording the humiliation of being outsmarted by dinner. Dave huffed, standing straight. He had feathers sticking to his clothes and out of his blonde mess of hair. His shades had dirt splattered on the lenses. Don't get him started on his clothes.
   Needless to say they were going in the trash as soon as this devil turkey was headless and in the oven.
   "Alright, feather butt." Yeah he could do better but he was irritated, humiliated and kind of fed up with this damn bird. "You could make this easier for yourself and gobble yourself right down to hell where you belong by letting me catch you so I can end your miserable, shit rolling life." He huffed, inching forward. "Or I can go get my freshly sharpened katana and we can carve you alive. A little dirt and feathers never hurt anyone, natural eating." He was talking to the bird. It was like he was trying to cox a serial killer to put the knife down or Dave will shoot.
   Which sounds about right if John hadn't taken his pistole he was going to use on this fucker hours ago. He should have been prepared for when the turkey got pissed. But to say the least, he wasn't.
    The large, plump bird raised its wings and charged at Dave, the blonde screaming in a high pitched way and he bolted. He noped so hard the feathers flew from his hair, the gate would have been right there......if John hadn't been standing right against it with a pranksters grin. "John I swear to fuck mo--" Dave yelped, the turkey landing on his head. If they hadn't 'declawed' the devil bird before, the stumps would have been shredding his scalp apart. But they couldn't remove the beak. Dave flailing in panic as the turkey clamped it beak onto his hair and yanked. "John I'm going to fucking murder you! Open the gate! I'm not even using metaphors, babe I'm serious!" He yelled as he crouched down, covering his head.
     John was laughing his ass off, but this shit was not funny. He was gonna die at the talons of a turkey that was supposed to be baked and stuffed up the ass on the table. But nooooooo, he was going to be the feast for the feast. "This is twisted and abuse John! Your prankster gambit is going down so fast the walls that were stuck by Miley Cyrus's wrecking ball cringe at their pathetic speed to the crumbling fate! Splat against the hard, cold pavement to get stuck on the bottom of my fucking sick ass shoes!" He was babbling now, the turkey was less violent with its attacks now that Dave was at its mercy.
      John wiped his eyes as he giggled uncontrollably, "you screamed like a banshee when it ran at you. Oh my god I can't believe I got it on camera!" He cackles as he fell onto his knees and proceeded in NOT helping Dave escape the devil turkey that was slowly settling onto his shoulders. The demon chirred as it fluffed it's wings and cuddles right down where it is. Dave barely moved and it nipped his hands that were still tightly placed over his head. He glanced at John who only laughed harder with his camera on the scene.
      Dave glared at the, "you are so fu--FUCK! Don't bite me I'm not doing anything you damn devil beast!" He hissed when the turkey bit his pinky. "You're dead to me." Dave deadpanned at John. "Oh come on Dave, it was the best thing to ever happen to YouTube."
"No. cat videos were the best thing to happen to YouTube. This is just shit that will forever humiliate your awesome boyfriend- who , might I add, is being settled upon by the devil spawn itself while you record it for you sick pleasure and pranksters gambit."
    John snorted at him, "I can't open the gate, you have to kill it first." Dave glared, "I would have if someone hadn't decided that a quick death was overrated for this devil shit, and a slow agonizing death for your unsuspecting, living boyfriend is the best way to start a giving of thanks. And right now. I'm not so thankful for you." He rambled, the devil spawn on his back chirred and shifted.
     "John, the jokes over, pleass just get it off me." He said, "you're the one that wanted to raise our own turkey for thanksgiving and now you're punishing me for trying to fulfill this things purpose. You aren't getting a piece of this for the next month, asshole." He threatened. Johns brows perking up. "Playing that card huh?"
" I'm getting pissed John, not to mention pissed on but you know, not like you give a fuck about my state of hygiene and sanity is...." Dave dramatized, John rolling his eyes as he stood. "You're joking." Dave tilted his head up slightly earning a sharp peck, "I'm serious as a heart attack. Which I think I might have, with my stress and anger leveled off the charts, that's right. I'm so pissed I'd rather this turkey chop off my own head to prevent me from strangling my dear boyfriend which I thought I cared for."
    John giggled, "okay okay..." he slowly opened the gate and propped it so the turkey couldn't get out, waving his hands at the bird. With a startled hobble, it fluttered back down to the ground where it belonged. Hobbling over to the feed bin and peck-pecked away at the grains. Dave hurrying to the exit and ripped off his shirt despite the cold that bit at his skin. Shades askew, he threw the soiled shirt into a trash bin they kept near the coop and looked at John who had safely handled the turkey with its feet in his grasp. Dave deadpanning at the blue eyed prankster. "What?" John smirked, Dave narrowed his eyes. "You should be thankful for the fact murder is illegal." He said blankly. "Awwww daaaveeeyyyyy, don't be like that, you'll look back at this and laugh." He whined as he wiggles the turkey a little. The bird gobbled in discomfort, Dave glaring at the evil creature. "I'll laugh as I carve into its damn carcass." He grunted making John crime, "morbid."
     "And locking me in there with it wasn't?" Dave was light a little pissed, and John finally took notice. "Dave...." he whined, the blonde walking away, "you kill it, I'm going in and taking a shower." He huffed, shivering in he cold.

     Dave was clean, and clothed in a red sweater. His shades newly polished, lips pulled into a thin line as he walked into the living room and sat on the couch. Crossing his arms with his eyes on the tv with a re-run of a football game on. He was thoroughly pouting when John's arms slipped around his neck and the dorks face nuzzled into his pale neck. The blonde refusing to acknowledge this bribery. "Daaaaveee."
"John."
"Dave don't be mad at me, it's a holiday..." John mumbled, pressing his nose to Dave's throat. Dave refused to give in. "I'm sorry..." John whined, and that's when he gave in. "Forgiven." He grinned, tilting his head back a little to see when John pulled away to beam happily (dorkily) at him. "Next year we're buying a frozen turkey."