I just want this off my chest.

Renewal.

Once my Mom and Stepfather married, we moved into a new house. My Mom had me and my Brother, my Stepfather had 3 kids of his own. Together my mom and Stepfather had my little Sister. When we moved into the new house, I was around 8 years old and growing up was still hard. Every now and then I thought of what happened before and sure it pained me, but I didn't know how to express the feelings so I just held all it in which was a bad thing to do. Ever since kindergarten I've had outburst of sadness and rage that I just couldn't control. I've been removed from a few schools and stuff with teachers completely fearing me because I was a ticking timebomb. The teachers didn't know what to really do with me back then. I went to therapy a lot, I had many therapists come to my house and try to work with me, but I never really spoke to them. I was silent. I didn't really talk to many people. To this day if I could do anything, I would probably change the fact I didn't speak with them, I wish I had gotten all of this weight off before, maybe I would have grown up with a normal childhood from there on. I used to have social workers and stuff with me in school that helped me though, but I mean they were really there just in case I threw a tantrum to be honest. I didn't tell them anything, or even talk to them at all. I was put in emotional support learning growing up because of the outbursts and I don't really know what it would have been like in normal classes. I've always been in classes with less than 10 kids since 1st grade because they didn't know how I would react with a lot of children and it helped having some kids with sorta the same issues as me. Eventually I started making friends and letting people in, I started to soften up in like 4th grade. I remember my best friend from those days, and I still know her now even though we don't talk as much anymore. She and I used to be so bad together, we used to cause so much havoc together. It was like a Bonnie and Clyde type of relationship without the us being killed at the end. She was my first crush, I didn't know how to express that to her so we just stayed friends. Eventually she was removed from the school and so was I. I went to a totally different school and everyone there were complete strangers, I didn't know the environment and I was scared. Eventually I got to know the kids and got used to them, then when the teachers saw I was improving, they started trying to move me with normal kids so I could learn what everyone else was learning and that's where I met my first girlfriend, even though it only lasted about a day, it was a big accomplishment for me, it really gave me confidence. Learning with the other kids, I realized I wasn't that different from them but the only thing was they knew how to control their anger and stuff and that's one thing I had problems with. I couldn't control what I said and stuff which got me in tons of trouble throughout the years. Let's just say school was hard and end it there. Home life wasn't any easier than school life because I had a lot of siblings and we had to share a lot of stuff together and it caused a ton of fights between me and my Brothers. We've gotten into so many fist fights that ended up in me fake crying and getting my Brothers in trouble because I was younger than them and I had that advantage. Eventually I got my own room and from there on I learned to really control my anger. I realized that I had a talent for arts and crafts so I ended up making some pretty rockin' origami which I ended changing to playing in the woods. I was a completely outdoorsy kid, I loved getting sticks and acting like the woods were like a infested jungle and I would slay all the plants with my stick/sword. Until 7th grade is when a lot changed. I ended up being more talkative and stuff from getting rid of some of that anger and opening up, and I even met some pretty cool online friends that I met from games and stuff that ended up basically saving my world. I've told some of them about this story, but I feel it's not enough, I didn't go through detail with them. Me and my big mouth got in so much trouble and I've started to get into more school problems and I had to talk with therapists again because they came to realizations that the month of December is when I usually start acting out because that's when my Grandfather was killed or something. I never listened to them when they wanted to help me, but I wish I did. Eventually I got better again and now as an 11th grader I think I'm doing just fine, throughout all that craziness of a childhood, I'm an all A-B student and I'm working on trying to go to college for animal sciences. I completely love animals. My cat is the only reason I'm feel I'm living anymore I've cried so much and he's been there each time for me. He's truly my best friend. The reason I really made this story is because lately I've been thinking about my Grandfather again and I just wanted to get it off my mind. I don't care about the format or if there are imperfections in this story, I just wanted to rant about my crazy life and growing up. Thanks if you even got this far.