a place beyond The WaterFall (verträumt) -Roman

Jane

This is the place I'm leaning on, a place beyond the waterfall. A waterfall caused by a rainstorm with some of its liquid pours while I finally let it rain. Seriously I have been waiting the past three months to experience this free fall in its magical extraordinary movement. All my life I've been thinking what goes around comes back around & yet I can't deceive myself any longer. Nothing's going to bring Jane back. I can see the light shining so bright while its rainbow is growing stronger at every tick of the clock.
Life with Jane was always all that matters. Her precious irresistible character debuted to the perfect relationship we shared under the same roof as well as outdoors among other citizens of the world. She was more like a candy on a gold platter. All about us got related to some serious gourmet shit. Oh My Gosh did she know how to cook so delicious. I never thought I would one day meet someone so special, but I did & she was far way better than the ordinary. She always showed me the up whenever I looked down too much, hopeless with much loss of humanity. I called her one of a kind, an angel sent from above just to save souls & heal wounds.
The night was still young as it all appeared clear to me, clearer than it ever did. I realized I've always been in love with no one else but her, my best friend. She has been an inspiration to mankind; innocent, pure, sincere & one of the kindest women I ever met. That hasn't been her all the years actually.

I remember the first days at school where we saw us for the first time in the beginning of our sixth class. The class I stepped late into holding my school bag with one hand & a piece of paper with the other one; a piece of paper I really wanted to take along with me, because dad wrote my favorite song on it. Every girl's eyes were always on mine as they took a deep breath with both hands on their chest at the mention of one name that came out of Miss Peggy's mouth immediately I said "Good morning Miss Peggy, you slept well last night?" (Charmingly smiling like I used to). It was my name she softly called; a name every girl loved. They showed they really do; all except Jane, the most beautiful girl in class.
Her ignorance was one bad thing I couldn't stand & experience. Neither could I stop her from some of her unbearable actions. She strictly showed me much of her hatred without me doing her any wrong. Sometimes I wondered if she acted as such to boys in her neighborhood, coz she wasn't harsh to other boys in class. I mean every girl adored me while the boys were always ready to do anything to be called my close friends.
Jane disagreed to be my experimental partner in chemistry, didn't want to sit next to me at the lunch table, disagreed to have me close to her whenever mom & dad payed them a visit. Jimmy & Stacy loved me so much just like every other human did, her dog & cat. But she kept them locked up in her room upstairs whenever I was around. "I don't know what I did wrong" I always told mum whenever she asked. Jane couldn't help but wait till I'm gone for the night.
"I just don't like him dad. He thinks he's the best in class, loved by every girl. Only because he looks so charming like a prince & can solve any question in mathematics & chemistry. The worst about him is that he's really nice, good-looking, intelligent, athletic & awesome, the best & most charming at school- a simple reason why I just don't like him. Do you know he's even the best singer in music classes?"
I heard her telling that to her father, who wanted to know why she left the dining table angrily.
"Are you disguising your feelings for him, princess? Yeah, he's really a nice boy & I know you're into him. I can see it in that face you're showing right now"
Her dad responded *making jokes*
There was even one day she hurt herself during sports. I ran as fast as I could to help her, but only one look on her face & I could simply tell I've got no effort to give in helping her or at least convince her of my kindness or other good things I was capable of doing in that very moment. She told me to back off while others were allowed to help her.
The next two days were like hell for me; two of which I wanted to help her pay for an important book she barely could afford for herself on that day. It was the last book on sale & she was dying to have that book, but suddenly gave it up, only coz I wanted her to own it. I started growing anger, because of her ignorance & hatred she threw at my face. I could have simply gotten any other girl of my choice at school if I wanted; even Witney (the most beautiful girl in the entire community) always wanted me to pay her a visit on weekends. But I didn't want any other girlfriend except Jane.
Jane realized I wasn't after her any longer, so she started showing me some seriousness & respect while her conscience was judging her at the same time. I resisted stepping my feet into the car whenever mum & dad wanted me to come along for a visit at her parents' house. I rather chose to stay with her pets immediately we arrived at her place since I couldn't be left alone at home by my own parents. I sat three benches behind her in chemistry & mathematics to avoid the sudden looks on her face, kissed Witney in front of her at the school compound & even stole her best friend from her. That was before I lost my temper actually & the last time I saw her at school.
I experienced silence & mourning at home during the next 48 hours, but I wasn't clever enough to come to the conclusion that it could have something to do with Jane or her parents. After a week I couldn't bear the silence any longer & so was I bold enough to go upstairs to demand for the cause of the mourning.
"Dave is gone for good. He has left us too soon" she said.
Uncle Dave was Jane's father & my favorite hunter, a good & strong man I adored so much. He had a terrible car accident on his way to the forest & didn't survive the crash. He couldn't even breathe for a second after he was pulled out of his truck. He was already dead before it stopped rolling down the valley.
I didn't know what to say. I mean, Dave had planned a lot though. He had so much to give & prove to his family; especially to Jane, who he usually called his little princess. He wanted to build a glasshouse in his parent's village & sponsor Jane's one- year trip around the world. He was a brilliant & hardworking young man, who didn't deserve to die so young though. He was only thirty years old & didn't even have the chance to say goodbye to his precious family before leaving for good.
I couldn't say no to a funeral visit. I also wanted to say goodbye to him just like mum & dad & whereas that was the only way I could see Jane again. I wanted to meet her right there & hoped she accept my farewell, because dad said she planned to travel by air to her grandparent over thousand kilometers away & maybe stay there for the rest of her life. It wasn't only sad that she lost her father, she was about to build a long distance between us the next day & so did I lose to get the chance to show her how much I care about her.
Jane stood by her mum among other family members at the funeral. She almost cried a bowl of tears. I could see them dropping off her eyes the whole time, tears of sadness & sorrow. She looked at me sadly while she felt helpless & hopeless. That was the last time I saw her in the neighborhood though.

It felt like her absence was bringing totally different memories of her; memories touching the deepest part of me. Each thought was one of my own desire; something precious. Everything changed in her absence; schooling wasn't interesting any longer & to get myself busy was the only way not to miss her that badly – I became a player.
It took me almost fifteen years walking out to learn without her, but with much hope to see her again sooner. I was drawn to sexy & beautiful women of everyman's taste; girls like Jennifer, Amanda, Ciara, Jessica, Marie, Alia, Bella, Alin, Jessie, Aline, Sarah, Stephanie, Alina, Emily, Beatrice, Anna, Toni, Tamara, Tini, Jenny, Pamela, Fiona, Diana, Maria, Daniela, Laura, Nicki, Lara, Louise, Louisa, Luisa, Michelle & so on. I only wanted to enjoy them right while the night was still young. They all got me twisted in the middle of a spotlight. But in the course of time I realized I've got to be different to learn how to best keep Jane if we should meet again in the future, hoped someday. My longing for other girls vanished in a flash & I hoped to stay stocked in faithfulness forever. Then I met Tracy in that process.
Tracy wasn't my kind of it-girl, but she was worth a good girlfriend to have & moreover she was keeping me off the act of a player I was before I met her anyways. She was ready to love me till I couldn't bear her jealousy any longer. She would have been the happiest woman alive if only we had more than forty eight hours of her choice together, but I disagreed, coz I hated having her for more than few hours around. Still, her smell, her commitment to what she capable of doing (making the few hours with me worth spending), those hands contributing to rebuild my focus on her each time a picture of Jane flashed through my mind & those love games she drove me playing. They were all a help for me to learn to be loyal & focused on just one girl. Although Tracy didn't last for two months, but I was proud I learnt to control myself through her.

Paying mum & dad a visit was the best thing I wanted to do in my free times after Tracy, because I didn't see them for over a year due to my studies. I had already attended college & was having my master studies in engineering at the age of 22 (skipped three grades in school during my baccalaureate). Dad registered me in one of the greatest universities in the world with my superb A-level qualifications, but due to my complicating syllabus studies became much stressful & so I had no time to pay them a visit back home.
They wanted me for a Skype like we always did in the past years, but then it all became peaceful that I intended paying them a visit instead. It was a totally good idea to drive downtown all the way to mum & dad. I mean, the boys were all grown up. Imagine Xavier asking me out on a disco trip. He was never a party maker during our childhood, instead he visited the church.
Xavier & I became friends through Jane- he was her best friend then at school, whom I wanted to give my friendship for him to convince her about the best of me I was willing to render to her. But it was all too late, coz she had already left the next week.
Xavier couldn't stop talking a lot about Lola, the girl he was blindly into. He couldn't help but wait till he had the chance to introduce me to her & her bestie, Jessica, who totally resembled the Jessica I once had. She was pretty nice & had a sweet voice that got me smiling the whole night. She was amazing & I loved the night with her around. We first met in a bar before we headed downtown to the club where we spent the whole night dancing. I couldn't stop staring at her & I didn't want to stop doing that at all, coz she was so lovely. Just one night, only a night I had to know a lot about her; she had a kid sister, who lives with her parents few kilometers away from her; works in the city's biggest hotel as an assistant manager & has been waiting for the right man for long with much patience.
Jessica was going way too far ahead than any other girl I had before her. She knew how to make me laugh, understood what kind of a man I was & was always relaxed. The taste of her love; it kept on making me believe in fairytales, in which I could walk on a miry clay & even dash in & out of the impossible- jumping from walls to walls just to reach out to her. It felt like we were all left alone in the middle of eight spotlights building a circle, coz all focus was only on her & the other way round. She danced like a wildcat bringing me in my oblivion & it seemed like we have been dating for a while, but it was only our first day out. Seeing her smile made me shine brighter than the lights on. As she kissed me I realized we've been driven too fast in craziness & so I suddenly left her alone just like that without a taste of her lips. I didn't care if she felt assaulted by my action, coz I wanted her to want me after that day. A kiss on her cheek was all I wanted to give for an appreciation for the wonderful night at the club. I promised to give her a call just like I promised to bring her over to her best friend hanging around with mine, which I did before leaving.
Mama told me a lot about Jane & her mum's new life in the next city close to us. "They've been living there for a month or two now" she said. But there was no time left paying her a visit & even if a visit was planned I doubted if she would remember me or talk to me when she does see me. Moreover I was already playing love games with Jessica & had mailed her to come around as a guest at my place of study.
When Xavier told me to live the moment I understood him trying to say that I should live my life 'now' to the fullest in non-dramatic, but social, honest, truthful & loyal way. Coz no one knows tomorrow. That's what it all meant for me.
Living with hope to see Jane again someday was one special thing I lived for the whole past years & then she suddenly crossed my way at the cinema where I was with Jessica for a tenth time since our relationship begun.
A look never given a long time called for a continuous head- to- the- right & head-to-the-left while sitting in the same line in the cinema hall. The best movie on the screen lost full concentration of two viewers & then a whispering voice to its own company said "sorry I'll be back shortly...got to go to the toilet urgently..." She stood up, looked focused at me with a head direction towards the out; something kind of "come along!" She left for the out after she had given me a kind of nervousness, but I repeated her action in front of Jessie; didn't know why, but I wanted nothing than that.
A sudden smile at me in a pleasant & joyful mood called for a jump on me with an unexpected gladness.
"I can't believe seeing you again. I've missed you so much the whole years, Evidence"
Those were words I didn't really understand or expect to be spoken by her. "OMG what a cutie"
That was my thought as she confronted me with few words that almost drove me into confusion. But we had nothing in common back then though. We rather shared meaningless conversations, which either drove me angry or led me hating her more. It all felt like I've been embraced by an angel immediately I felt the touch of her skin rubbing on mine. Her madness; her total angriness towards the person I was she called a violence of her likeness for me. It was all anonymous those days, but then I simply understood why she separated herself from other likers.
"Sorry about your dad Jay. Look, I have to go back to Jessie. Can we meet for a coffee or something else tomorrow?"
And her answer proved she was waiting for that to happen the whole time.
"You're okay now?"
Jessica asked the same question as Brian (Jane's boyfriend).
"Yeah, I've never felt better than this"
Jane replied just the same way I did & that was how it all started; a strong friendship that got me so obsessed.
The next that happened was the beginning of a goodness you wouldn't love to let go. A smile on the face in & outdoors, like in front of TV or on top of Beverly Hills. They were all wonders we achieved. We became best friends in a flash though.
Despite the relationship we were sharing with someone else we didn't let anything shake our friendship down, not even a quarrel with our partner.
A reverse of every wonderful moment with Jane couldn't get me wrongly shaken by angers of a crazy-driven girlfriend (Jessica), it was always the opposite. But she was stocked in her relationship with Brian like I was to Jessica & none of us was a little unhappy about that though. Even when she had her hard times (the heartbreaks caused by Brian that called for a split in the end for example) we still stayed hooked on us. She was heartbroken, but with sudden laughter she couldn't stop giving. It was a matter of course taking her along wherever I wanted to go with a true friend; she was my best friend though.
Jessica was never satisfied about my focus on Jane needing me to get over Brian.
It didn't take more than a month for Jane to introduce her new boyfriend "Johnny", who was there for her during the last three weeks, in which I couldn't really pay her my attention. She was the one, who insisted I take Jessica along on holidays over her. It would have been funnier with her than Jessie.
Although Johnny looked handsome, friendly & could entertain so well, but there was something about him that got me thinking. He appeared as a dark & mysterious man, but the last thing I wanted was to hurt my best friend & so I kept my mouth shut.
"Did you see it coming?"
Jane asked me few weeks later with tears dropping off her eyes. I could tell no lies. Johnny wasn't only sharing sexual relationship with her, but also with another woman he called his wife after six weeks with Jane - A truth that got him nose-broken by me in an action I couldn't control. After that very same moment Jane hated me for not telling her what I felt as her best friend while she was introducing him for the first time or during the whole times we were all outdoors.
I didn't only bear her hatred for a week, but also Jessica's absence for a lifetime. Jessie became so unhappy that I had to let her turn her back on me.