a place beyond The WaterFall (verträumt) -Roman

Best Friendship

Realizing there is nothing done with much pleasure & joyfulness when I'm not around drove Jane towards giving me that sudden surprising call with an aim to settle our quarrels.

And now I'm still here in search for the love of my life. Jane is nowhere to be found. I've lost every orientation just like every man here with a front- focus, that tunnel view. It seems like what I used to call my goodness has become a curse, like I've been struck by a thunder bringing me from love hangover to a love sickness that I can't bear any longer. I thought I saw her standing on top of the mountain just like I thought I saw her walking on top of the ocean, but immediately I took few steps forward I either lost my way or she suddenly disappeared. And now I'm still searching & I won't give her up just like that. Even though dad wants me to leave my dreams to a place he calls its opposite. But what if he's right? What if I'm only lost in my emotions? What if my emotions have all taken me away from the reality?
"Here is a little daughter waiting to hear the voice of her father again. She's been missing it since your absence. We miss you too, Evidence. So stay strong & please live for her sake!"
In my journey finding Jane I've lost every control of the person I actually am. What is dad talking about? I have no daughter. Am I daydreaming with opened eyes or I've totally fallen from love hangover into love sickness. Oh, Shit! I truly have a daughter. Jane gave me a daughter. I can read all about it; everything. I can even remember the last time I spent in consciousness before my collapse. Oh God, am I dead? I think I'm not, coz dad won't be telling me to come back home several times if I'm to be found in my grave in the real world. Did I just say "The real world"? Where am I? Is this where I am, a place beyond the waterfall? Yes, it seems like it. This is the place I'm being embraced with, a place beyond the waterfall.
I just can't quit asking myself why my love is ending in this kind of tragedy. Why am I suffering so much for the love I always wanted to be everlasting? It's all unfair. I always though true love doesn't suffer like this.
I can hear Mama whispering from afar
"You haven't lost everything my dear. Open your eyes & you'll see what greatness is left behind just for you!"
But that's not true though. What can be better than Jane? She was my everything & I've lost her. The icon we built has lost its content & every function.
"Mama's okay daddy." says Nadja standing right in front of me as a six year old beautiful girl. "It's all your fault Nadja. I didn't wish to have you now. I would have adopted you from somewhere else & kept Jane alive, but you suddenly came & took charge over her entire mind & decision. Yes I love you, coz you are Jane & me together, but I want what I love the most & that's not you, unfortunately".
She drops some tears at the movement of my lips, which I can't control.
"You're right dad. It is my entire fault & I'm so sorry. But you can't change anything now. Mum's gone. She left me alone under your care in her believe you would start loving me more than you loved her by the time you hold me in your loving arms".
She can't stop crying neither can she stop taking me that deep. She continues "You gave me this name I'm bearing right now...why daddy? Why?"
Her touch on my skin & I can feel what she is feeling – Loneliness despite the warmth she's giving. The same loneliness is actually what I've been feeling the whole time though. Why is she feeling the same too? She suddenly disappears, leaving three drops to the ground.

Before Jane got pregnant we stayed best friends. She kissed my left cheek while she was apologizing a tenth time for her misbehavior.
"I'm so sorry I raised my anger on you for what Brian did to me. It wasn't your fault but mine. I should have known what he was up to then. I missed you so much best friend & there wasn't any day without a thought about you!"
Jane couldn't bear her own ignorance on me for more than a week. She suddenly appeared at my front door holding a bottle of wine on one hand. Despite her heartbreak she stayed strong, smiled till she got me smiling too. That's one good thing I loved about her though- she knows how to make me laugh, convince me to back her up in most of her crazy actions & the best of us is the fact that we could read our lips from meters away as if we have the same thoughts. We misbehaved sometimes - Imagine going out to parties with just both of us hanging out hand-in-hand. Any boy she found abusive got strictly embarrassed by me just like any girl trying to impress me with her smiles, bra, tits or dress code. Jane was all over me every time we got to a certain level of our friendship, but there wasn't anything else than grab, pinch, rub or push away with great laughter on middays & perhaps falling asleep on my chest at midnights while we count the stars. There was nothing more important than her friendship till I met Samantha at work. Of course I realized & knew she wanted me not just as her colleague but also for private matters. Still I wasn't really interested in the beginning. Maybe I just didn't want to fall into another kind of conflict with Jane, coz I was scared of what could happen next. I was scared I might lose her, but then I realized it wasn't any problem for her at all.
Jane badged into my office like she was always allowed to every Monday morning with two cups of hot chocolate & a meat pie just like I love her to. She always made my working day worth having with that good-morning-look of hers. But on one cold Monday we got interrupted by Samantha, who wanted to share a discussion for a moment. Anyone else in my shoes would have also understood her emotional expression just like I did the moment she stepped in & it was simply easy for Jane to get a clue about her being into me somehow.
Jane came by for a small talk the same evening.
"What was that all about earlier this morning? You didn't tell me you've got a new assistant, did you? She's damn hot, Evidence. Will you keep her for something else also?"
She smiled at me with that face of hers she always showed whenever she wanted to know more.
Well, Samantha asked if we could talk for a moment while I was enjoying my cup of hot chocolate & I couldn't say no.
Having asked her to have a seat, since I couldn't watch her feel uncomfortable I realized how desperate she really was. Jane had already played her slightly polite attitude by leaving the office by then.
Jane liked her being around me for some reasons I couldn't really understand. Although, Sama was beautiful, sympathetic & hardworking, still my wish was to be with no one else but my best friend, who couldn't even sense it. Sama had a sweat voice when she talked & so I always felt pleased hearing her speak the way she always did.
I was scared though, but Jane assured me nothing's going to pull us apart.
"Don't keep her waiting, best friend...go for her!"
The next day Sama came by. The moment she asked for a talk I thought she wanted to lead me into serious discussion about her feelings for me, but she only wanted to let me know that she planned to visit her parents for a week in California.
I could hardly quit asking myself what's actually about Samantha that is making me feel strange. And then it turned out that a week without her being around at work would have been awful if Jane didn't pass by more than she always did in the past.
The following week became one that made me give more interest on Samantha likewise the attentions I started paying her. She appeared different - not only in her looks, but also in her actions. I wasn't really brave enough to ask her out on a date.
"Samantha? I've got few things from last week to share with you. Would you mind having dinner with me tomorrow evening?"
Although I twisted my words for sure, still she felt glad to say no.
"I wouldn't mind" (with a lovely smile)
And then she arrived at my front door in the evening, rang my bell once, slowly & quietly.






Few hours earlier
I was somehow moved to prepare for the evening. The dining table was full of different meals I cooked myself. A table I romantically decorated. There weren't thoughts about slowing me down for a second. Rather all I had was a picture of her running in my head. Happiness took over my mind, body & soul somehow while I was suddenly awaiting what the night's going to bring us. My hands were all active while some healthy actions turned irresistible. It was impossible to rest my body for a moment. With one hand I was shaving my right armpit, with the other hand I held on to my iPhone in search for a suitable song for the night. It took me two hours to give an end to my masterpiece.
And then she arrived at my front door, rang my bell once, slowly & quietly. Her dress mode wasn't seductive, but she looked so attractive in that tight black dress she wore.
Welcoming her in with a smile I've never given before was something I couldn't prevent myself from, even though I wanted to. She looked so gorgeous & beautiful that I lost every attempt to slow down though.
It was indeed a funny evening with lots of smiles, beautiful words, stories told about oneself & the funny exaggerations we finally gave to round it all up. We sat on the couch in front of TV for a deeper conversation & therein my left hand was already over her shoulder. Her right leg she placed on my left thigh before it all turned sex-appeal. Our lips were getting so close to rubbing on each other, but then a picture of Jane appeared on my iPhone's screen. It was a call from her that I couldn't ignore. She has never called me in the middle of the night before, so I was led to sharply pick up the phone. She sounded idiotic, drunk & disoriented as to time & place. How thankful I was to have asked her what she could see around her, coz then I definitely knew where she was at that very same moment & I didn't like it at all. Immediately I got to know she was all alone in the middle of one of the darkest streets in town located two thousand meters away from me I jumped off the couch to my car.
Actually I expected Samantha to either go home or wait for me at my place, but she turned out to be so care-taking too in the sense that she didn't want to let me drive out that late alone & so I agreed to take her along. Trying to keep Jane talking on phone while I was driving as fast as I could was one of the most difficult moments I had to face. She said one word, kept quiet for almost thirty seconds & repeated the same word all over again. The last time she repeated the word I heard some masculine voices at the background saying "hey Babe, what's up? Damn, sugar you look gorgeous." & then she finally said a new word that got me emotionally charged. I boosted at the sound of that one word "HEPPP" she said as she screamed because I knew she might be in danger.
As we arrived I found two guys all over her - One tore her blouse while the other was trying to pull off his shorts. Quickly I jumped out of my car holding a baseball bat in one hand, ran into the scene, knocked down the guy holding her to the ground, because I knew the other one wouldn't run as fast as I could with his shorts pulled down to his toes. Chasing after him was the simplest I could do that night. I drew him back with one hand, punched his face with the other hand before the cops arrived at the scene. Sama called them few seconds before we left my house.

Jane was shocked the whole night, couldn't say a word. She dropped a bowl of tears instead. Her mother told me the same night that she gets so disturbed as such once in three months that she suddenly can't control herself any longer ever since her father died - one day, on which she loses control of herself & suddenly get pushed into disorientation through alcohol consume. Claire made me promise to take good care of her daughter, which I couldn't say no to.
With Samantha's help I could bring Jane in to the shower & finally to my bed. The more she recovered from her disorientation, the more she couldn't help but cry. She finally fell asleep with her head placed on my thigh.
Watching her sleep as such made me smile despite the sadness involved. How innocent, cute & beautiful she looked in my very presence. Afterwards I placed her head on the pillow, kissed her forehead & went downstairs to Samantha, who was waiting for me at the front door, tired & dizzy. It was indeed a horrible shocking moment I never thought I would experience that night, but I did. It wasn't all about a stranger, but someone so close, my best friend. I couldn't stop asking myself "What if she didn't have her mobile phone with her or couldn't call me at all? What if I had mine switched off?" Truly I wanted to switch it off, because I didn't want to be rude to Sama by distracting while she's around. Thank God I didn't, because I would have hated myself for that.
"Sorry for the night Sama, hope you're not mad at me in any way?"
I asked while standing in front of her.
"Why should I, Evid? She's your best friend. That's what best friends do & I'm proud of you, Hero of the day"
She said.
We concluded to continue from where we stopped the next time we meet.

Jane woke up six hours later- exhausted & hungry with much headache. I was already holding a plate of fried eggs in toast & a cup of orange juice for her.
She felt so ashamed for what happened. She called it a mess, due to the fact that Samantha was there to experience her in her loss of humanity state.
"Does it matter? We are all glad that nothing happened to you yesternight, Jay. Do you know how concerned I felt at the sound of your voice? Don't ever repeat that again, okay?" *harsh*
She kept quiet while my words were pushing her into the lights. Up she stood placing both hands on my cheeks as she came closer.
"As long as you care I'll be alright, Evid. Thank you!"
How magical it felt like each time she touched me like she did. Every cell in my body rose up in gladness & great energy I could suddenly feel while my heart slowed down into relaxation. Jane was awesome, a source of my humanity, soft, gentle & touching. She knew how to calm me down just like the ability she had in making me laugh the same way I always did to her.
Then it all started; fears of being involved, fears of losing the greatest friendship of a lifetime we've both built, if she finds out how madly I am towards her being not just my best friend, but also my perfect woman for a lifetime.

I'm somehow missing someone else's closeness, I don't care whose. My heart has turned into a ghost town chopping me up slowly. The more time I'm spending here, the less I turn my neck and it seems like I'm transforming into a zombie just like the whole population here with that frontal view that making me upset each time I try to earn their attention for a moment. Every attempt to make them look into my eyes or hear them say few words of my understanding is a failure. And yet in my loneliness Nadja appears again, but so angry, tortured and lonely this time. She is mad at me leaving her alone the whole years. Wow, she's turn an adult...so beautiful and I swear I would have thought she was someone else if I hadn't known Jane so well immediately she appeared. They look alike; her eyes, her hair, her figure...but there's something differentiating them- her anger, her looks when she's annoyed and her temper, they are just a typical me.
In her presence I can suddenly turn my neck much better than before.
"I'm sorry for what I said the last time we met. I was lost and couldn't control myself. Though I'm still lost in my own emotions, but I don't think I can do this all alone. I can't help losing what's there for the moment, someone willing to be a friend, you. But I really need to see Jane again. I need her back, I need my humanity back...I need to understand things better and all these are things I can't get from you, Nadja."
She takes a nice look at me while she was busy smile- laughing continuously and I can't help but ask what's funny.
"You're so cute when you apologize. Can't you see that I'm not crying any longer? The only love I want for the future is no one else's but my dad's and if the only way to gain this love is to help you search for a solution to your problems then I'll do anything it takes to do that, Evid."
Nadja doesn't want to leave me behind for a second time, so she decides to stay. Moreover she wants to see Jane for a first time.