Be Careful What You Wish For

Chapter Thirteen

1 The day just sort of petered out unspectacularly. It shouldn't have. It should have ended in fire and blood and all those melodramatic Richard Wagner-esque scenarios where the old Germanic gods would descend from up high and rain justice upon the mortals who dared upset the natural balance of the world.

Such as a millennial vampire who'd sworn to never again take a life, who'd been so sure that she was in complete mastery of her wants and needs and deepest desires. It turned out that control was just an illusion. All it took was one command by a half-vampire hybrid, and all the hard work, the sacrifice, the pain – none of it mattered anymore.

Irina stood in front of the big mirror in one of the guest bathrooms, staring herself in the eye – those dark-red, inhuman, monstrous eyes. She'd showered thoroughly and changed her clothes, but still, she hadn't felt this removed from humanity in many, many years. Over a century of torment, and here she was, back to square one. The biggest problem was the fact that for the first time in a long time, she felt at home in the fortress that was her body. She was dexterous, nimble, quick, precise. Her thoughts were fast and clear and sharp. Her thirst was sated. She was at peace. Right now, it was very easy to mourn the loss of life, to contemplate the nature of her existence, to consider the possibility that she might deserve death via werewolf justice.

In a few days, though, should she still be alive, the effects of the living human blood would start to wear of, and she would get fidgety. The pain in her throat would start as a pervasive, irritating itch and then get worse by the hour. Her body would feel clunky and foreign to her, and her capacity to think clearly would get dulled. She'd feel queasy, cold, itchy all over. She'd be in pain, and it would only increase more and more and more. Slowly but inexorably, a single thought would take hold of her entire mind: drink human blood, and this will all go away.

She had no idea whether she'd be able to make herself stop once she got to that point.

Her thoughts wandered to Demetri, who was undoubtedly around, plotting to rain hellfire on the child and its protectors. Leah was probably with him right now. The other vampires had yet to suspect that something was amiss, but it couldn't be long, now. They'd probably think she'd been caught by Sam Uley or that she'd gone back willingly. Maybe that had happened, but given the fact that she was in possession of Irina's phone and that she'd definitely spoken to Demetri earlier, Irina was pretty sure that the two of them were now plotting all of their deaths together.

In all honesty, she didn't even mind much. Of course she'd fight – she wouldn't have much of a choice – but she knew that after being infected by the dhampir, there could be no hope of salvation. Maybe she didn't even deserve it. It was useless mulling these depressing prospects over, but what else was she to do? This was her life, and it was ending one minute at a time. Over a thousand years of existence, and she was going to end here, in the back of beyond, surrounded by people she despised, spouting pop-culture one-liners in her own mind like a total idiot, feeling sorry for herself. Yes, that was what she was doing: she was staring into her own eyes and feeling terribly sorry for herself. How pathetic. How repulsive.

Disgusted with herself and unable to stand the sight of her own face for another moment, she turned away and rushed out of the bathroom. A few seconds later, she was downstairs in the living room, that stupid goddamn living room everyone convened in and stood around in all the time, moping.

"We're all going to die," she heard herself saying, as soon as the thought formed in her head. The Cullens – all of them – turned to look at her simultaneously, which was weirdly comedic, even though it wasn't quite enough to elicit a tired chuckle out of her. "We're all going to die tomorrow, and the best thing you can do is stand around feeling sorry for yourselves? This is incredibly pathetic, even for you lot."