𝐓𝐑𝐎𝐔𝐁𝐋𝐄𝐒 𝐈𝐍 𝐏𝐀𝐑𝐀𝐃𝐈𝐒𝐄 | 𝐧.𝐡.𝐚𝐮 ✔️

Short story

unedited. sorry.

____________

I wanted to say goodbye to her properly. To make her realize that I didn't want to hurt her.

I opened the door of her apartment and I called her a few times. She was in this apartment, she didn't leave because it was unlocked. I searched every single room except the last one.

My body was trembling slightly whilst I was moving through the hallway. Some kind of coldness could be sensed in the air as I was approaching to the bathroom. The door was open. I pushed them away, whilst quietly repeating her name.

But, I wasn't ready for what am I about to see.

She was sitting in the corner of a cold floor. But she wasn't shivering. She hadn't shown any emotions at all. I ran towards her and I opened my arms so that I could hug her. I tried to make her warm, but her body was too cold to heat up. I pulled away slightly so that I could see her face. She looked so numb and I felt my heart cracking and breaking apart.

-'Who did this to you?' I asked her. Tears were threatening to spill out but that wasn't important anymore. She didn't even look at me. She didn't respond. Instead, she closed her eyes and soft noises fell from her mouth.

She was.. singing?

I tried to get her to react on anything and soon I was begging her to tell me what is wrong. Singing stopped and she opened her mouth slightly.

-'Everything.' She responded, her voice being cold and harsh. 'But soon all the problems will be gone.' She added and I felt sick.

-'Did I do this?' I whispered and tears were streaming down my face. My hands were pulling my hair so hard that I thought I was going to leave her apartment bald. If I was even able to leave. My body was shaking and I almost forgot that she was with me. I felt something cold on my hand and when I lifted my face I realised it was her index finger. She was softly singing and when she opened her arms I fell into them, squeezing her and pulling her closer to me.

I was home again.

She was comforting me. She was depressed and she took a huge amount of pills, yet she was still trying to make me feel better.

-'It wasn't you. It was me.' She told me and I moved away. What did she mean by that?

-'What?'

-'I just wasn't good enough.' She said with a soft smile.

How could I've let this happen to her?

-'You were good en-' I tried to explain but I've stopped myself. 'You ARE good enough.' Her questioning look told me that she didn't understand me. 'I love you.' I whispered in her ear and I could tell that pills started to pull her away from reality.

-'No. You don't.' She said and my already broken heart, broke, yet again. 'Nobody does. But that's okay. I didn't love myself either.'

-'How could you say that?!' I yelled at her. I have showed her my love for her, hadn't I?

-'Don't yell.' She pleaded and I obeyed. But there was one question that was bothering me and it pushed away all the other questions.

-'Don't you know that you are important to me?

-'Don't be silly. I was never important..to..to..' She started to loose herself and I was practically shaking her to wake up. I tried my best to push my fingers into her mouth even tho I already knew it was too late. '..Anybody. N-Not even.. to you.' 

That was her last sentance, her last spoken sentance which made me so mad at myself. I was so mad and sad and heartbroken that I complitely lost it. Her bathroom was utterly destroyed and after that I took her cold and dead body in my arms. I held her close to me. My body lowered me to the place that she was sitting a few seconds ago and as my back hit the hard wall I pulled her body close to mine.

Few minutes had passed when someone bursted through the door.

-'I got your text that you hadn't found her, I'm sure I saw her.. oh no.' Louis said noticing her lifeless body in my hands. 'W-What happenned, lad?' He asked, still standing close to door of her bathroom.

I looked at his face, pain going through my body with rapid speed. My hands started shaking and my breath got shorter, puffs of air forming in the cold room. My sobbing got deeper too whilst looking at her beautiful face. She was always so tough, so brave and so tough. So that made me ask myself even more questions. Was she even strong or was that all a mask, a face for us outside of her brain to see?

-'S-She killed h-herself.' I stated obvious.

She killed herself. She wasn't alive anymore.

She killed herself.

And it was all my fault.