The Purge (Jolinsky, Cash, Catthew, Shaylor)

Doubting Myself.......

I'm pretty pissed! I mean, not at you guys but at myself. I wish that I hadn't forgotten the stupid password for my old account (@magcongirls97) I had 87 followers on there, and it could have been almost going on a year now that I had been on Wattpad on that old account if I had just remembered the stupid password to log in.

I'm always forgetting things, that's just how dumb and stupid I am. I'm just an ugly, stupid, shit anyway. I couldn't even take a cute picture without cracking my own tablet or phone even if I tried.

I mean, what's wrong with me?! I'm not cute, I'm fat, and pretty ugly if you really just look at for a few minutes. My hair is not even long, it's short! And it's even worse at school. I'm just a fucking failure and outcast.! I have anxiety, and sometimes low self-esteem.

Like now! I get bullied and talked about at school. I get called black, ugly, and fat! I've cut about twice in my lifetime, but I promised God that I would never do that again.

So crying myself to sleep at night was the best option I could get. I can't even make the right friends I wanna make.

I wanna make friends like the best friends at !y old school. Who actually cared about me.

And honestly, that school was a lot easier and I was growing to like it too! We've made videos and posted them on YouTube.

And my best friend Alyssa Cowlell, did the same. She's probably deleted some of them by now though. I go back and watch the videos and take to my friends every now and then.

I'm happy when I do that but when it ends it feels like the same thing all over again and pain and regret washes over me and I let crying get the best of me. Sometimes I love to cry because it makes me feel refreshed and better. Most of the time after, I just wah my face with cold water and grab a snack. I even miss my favorite teacher, my choir teacher Mrs. Mulloy!😭😭😭😭

Gosh you guys I'm literally in full tears right now. Dammit the feels again! I'm sorry guys, if this shit just wasted your time but I really just needed to let that crap out! Now guys, I'm literally begging you guys to read, follow vote, comment .

Anything just anything please!!!!😭😭😭 But seriously though please!!!! I hope and pray that you guys start reading my books cause they're are really good. Well, I mean I'm on my fall break right now, and believe me, I'm updating a lot but I just don't have internet at home to publish very often.

The only time I really have internet is when I'm at my dad's, (I live with my mom) Alright guys, I'm done complaining and kinda ranting. *yawns* It's 4:46 in the morning. I literally stayed up this long updating!😪 Please follow me!? Bye.✌✌✌✌✌✌✌✌✌✌✌✌✌✌✌✌✌✌✌✌✌✌✌✌✌✌✌✌✌✌✌✌✌✌ P.S. one of the videos of me and my old  school's theme song should be up there!❤😪