Completely Beyond Repair

chapter 2: shattered

I don't know what to say, I just hope that you guys enjoy this chapter.

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two weeks ago, maggie died. and it has definitely sunk in. it's sunk in so much, it feels like im suffocating. im being suffocated by all of these overwhelming feelings and emotions.

my friend will never come back. she has left this world and gone to who knows where, i just hope that ill go there so i can see mag.

these two weeks of laying in my bed, sobbing have slowly crept by. and all i think about is her. i haven't thought about anything else until now.

i hold my phone in my hand as i glance at the screen that is littered with notifications. ive gotten about 15 missed calls and 25 unopened text messages from my boyfriend.

i almost forgot that he existed. don't get the wrong idea, i love him and he means so much to me, but i was busy thinking about maggie, i didn't have time to think about caden.

with shaky hands, i dial caden's number and wait for him to pick up, some of me wants him to answer, i want to hear his calming voice and for him to give me some encouragement. but most of me just wants him to not pick up, so i won't have to talk because i know that as soon as i say a word, i'll start sobbing.

but with my luck, he answers.

"garance, are you alright? i've missed you. i was worried when you didn't respond to my texts or calls. i understand though, this must be rough for you,"

"yeah, sorry. these past," and that's when i lose it. there's no way i can finish the sentence, tears start to pour out of my eyes like rain falling out of the sky during a storm. i try to speak, but it's impossible for me.

left with no option, i hang up with no explanation. i know it's wrong of me, but i just am not able to talk right now. at least i tried to.

*4 hours later*

after about four hours of more crying, my mom walks into my room with a caring but concerned look plastered onto her face.

"garance, how about you maybe get up, get dressed, and eat something. caden is here, he came to check up on you,"

he came to check up on me? i'm not five, i can handle myself. does he not realize that i found my dead best friend laying on her floor? shouldn't he know that i need to be alone?

"tell him to leave, i just want to be alone for a while," i mumble while staring at the ceiling.

"i know it's important to have time to yourself while you're grieving," she explains, "but you've been alone for two weeks. it might be nice to be comforted by someone,"

just before i'm about to protest and before i'm about to tell my mom that i don't need to talk to anyone, my mom calls in caden and he comes walking into my room with a sad look on his face. i can't help but notice how his normally bright green eyes are dull and tired looking.

he comes over and sits on my bed and tries to look into my eyes, but i don't allow him to. i know that if we make eye contact, i will cry. these last two weeks all i have done is cry, i don't want to do it anymore.

"gar," he says with a soft voice, "will you look at me,"

shaking my head, i keep looking around at my room, at my feet, at anything except for the boy who is sitting in front of me.

"we really need to talk. please, i want to make you feel better, but i also have something to tell you,"

that catches my attention, and i glance into his eyes for a few seconds. what does he need to tell me? and how is he gonna make me feel better, because i'm sure he won't succeed, no matter how hard he tries.

"what do you want to talk about?" i ask with a quiet and shaky voice.

he looks at me and his green eyes pierce into me, like they're trying to read me. his hands that are folded in his lap are nervously fidgeting and that's how i know that something is wrong.

i know he's not just upset because of maggie's death. he must be sad about that because he kind of knew her, but he didn't know her well enough to be this sad.

"hey, so i love you," he says quietly and places a gentle hand on my knee, "you're an amazing and beautiful person. but, you've been going through some rough times these past few weeks and i understand that. but you were so destroyed that it seems like you forgot about me. like you didn't even care about me," he glances at me and then focuses on his hands, "but did you know that during these past few weeks my older sister was in critical condition after getting hit in a car crash? you were too caught up in your own sadness to even think about me," his face drops and his eyes begin to water.

a sudden wave of shock and realization hit me. i had no idea that his sister was hurt, i didn't know that he was going through emotional pain as well.

"sorry. i had no clue. i guess i was being selfish but it's hard to think about others when i'm so depressed," i try to explain but caden just shakes his head.

"i get that, but when you love someone as much as i love you, it's impossible to forget that person for even five minutes, let alone two weeks," taking his hand off of my knee, caden stands up and plops his hands into his pockets. "that's why i think that we should take a break, i don't know for how long and i understand that this might not be the best time to do this. but it's hard to love you this much when you don't love me very much," he manages to say and then starts to back up towards the door.

"but caden, wait! please!" i exclaim and walk quickly towards him with all of the energy that I have and grab his arm, "i do love you. so much,"

he just looks down at me and quickly kisses my forehead. i wish that his kiss lingered longer, but it was gone in a split second. "you say that, but i don't know if you mean it. garance, i gotta go. maybe we can work this out some other time," he says and walks out of my bedroom and out of my home.

all i can do is fall to the floor, lay on my back, and look up at the ceiling. as i lay there, i realize that my heart is shattered and i'm pretty sure that there's no way in the world that it can be repaired.

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let me know what you think about this chapter! hopefully i will update sometime next weekend.

love you guys. bye!