"Kill your darlings, kill your darlings, even when it breaks your egocentric little scribbler's heart, kill your darlings."
In which Rose is complete trash for her characters
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Sienna is so much more than I'd ever thought she'd be.
I don't really know where I took inspiration from her. I just wanted an Avengers fic, and I just made up a one-dimensional character with a tragic backstory. I just planted the seed, then sort of watched it grow. I still cringe at my old writing from the first two books of her series that I keep putting off editing, but it helps me realize how much I grew with her. As I corrected grammar and found a better flow with words, she just seemed to flesh out.
What can I tell you about Sienna? She's hard wired into a job that's slowly draining her until she has nothing left. She tells herself she loves her work at SHIELD, and some parts Sienna genuinely does, but she really doesn't do it to save lives. It's a perk of course, but she's a spy because she doesn't know anything else.
Sienna's scared that she can't function without SHIELD. She clings to her life as an agent. She puts faith in her abilities because she knows she's good. The added complex in there is that she also craves power, because she hates weakness. When she doesn't have control, she feels useless. This is where Si's self-loathing comes in, because as much as she will do anything to be strong, she fears her own desperation. Sienna knows she's done terrible things in the past due to fear of weakness, and she scared of what she's capable of.
But then we get back to how wired she is into SHIELD and staying at a place of power to better serve the organization, and the vicious cycle continues. Sienna's journey through the series is not quite healing yet, but recognizing what the cycle and negative effects of staying in it will eventually bring her.
And the root of all this? In painfully simplified terms, she's just a kid who's never known true stability.
Still, I love her to pieces. This character has grown with me as a person and she will forever have a special place in my heart. From her dorky quirks to her easy kills to her slow but steady falling that she often mistakes for flying, I love her. I love her because she's bitter and loyal and hates sarcasm and is such a coffee snob and she adores history. I love all of her.
There is still so much I haven't revealed about Sienna's past and the development in the future chapters, which reminds me that I need to finish the next chapter.
