*Maverick*
*December 10*
I still think about the night last year my mother told me Judah wasn't real. That night my father did not come home, though his intentions were here. I did not come out of my room because I had yelled at my mother for telling me Judah wasn't real. I regret a lot of what I did that night but at the same time I don't.
EXACTALLY ONE YEAR AGO
She takes a deep breath in and lets it out slowly. "Maverick, Judah isn't real."
I begin to shake in anger and fear that she may be right. No. She couldn't be right. Judah, he's my best friend with eyes that change colors. Judah is fairly perfect and always has been since we were 3. He sneaks over to my house every day. Anger surges through me more than it ever has before. "What?" I spit through gritted teeth.
My mother sighs. "Maverick you have to know this! You made him up when you were 3! He's just your imaginary friend. You're 12 now, you don't need to keep him around. You have real friends that you can touch and see!"
Breathing heavily, I yell, "He is real! I see him every day! I can see him and hear him and-and talk to him whenever I want!"
My mother stands to oppose what I'm protesting. "Maverick I have never once seen Judah! I have never once heard him say a single peep!"
I ball up my fits, "Maybe that's because you are blind to everything and all you see is yourself! And maybe it's because you don't listen to anything anyone says except dad, and all he does is order you around are you obey him like a pet!"
Every time I say "you" I point a finger and poke her in the shoulder. She steps back when I poke her and her eyes fill with tears. I have never made my own mother cry till now but I'm too upset to care. "Maybe if you would pay any attention to something that's not so conceded you could actually get somewhere with the family! Judah is real and the only person besides Cami that actually cares about me! I hope when I move out I never have to come back because I never want to see you or dad again!"
And with that I slammed my door as I had poked her all the way out of it.
That night I hadn't meant for the rest of the anger to come out about all the other things that had just built up over the years. I've never been the best at opening up about things but If you get me upset everything comes out all at once. I don't like the fact that I made my mother cry or that I yelled at her and that's what I regret. Later that night I could hear her trying to say things to my dad over that phone because he wasn't coming home and she wanted him to. I think that if it wouldn't have been for Austin my father would've walked out on us that night. Maybe that would have been better because now all he does is drink. My oldest brother Austin, aged at 17 came home from work that night and saw what I had done to our mother. I never left my room but I could hear all conversations that were held in the house that night. Austin called my father and began to argue with him over the phone as well. I could hear him saying things that had never occurred to me about our father. Eventually he told our mother that he was going to get dad to talk to him or something along the lines of that. Austin never came in my room that night. Not saying that I would have let him in but he didn't even knock on my door before he left. I watched Austin leave through my window. You could see many things through my window. The driveway the neighbor's house somewhat down the street and all the snow from the December month. I stay watching out my window even after Austin has left. It begins to snow.
I now dread the snow and anything to do with it because of that night. The snow is sad.
After roughly 25 min of watching the sad snow fly from the dark night sky Cami comes into my room. She doesn't say anything when she comes in she just gives me a hug from behind. Hot tears begin streaming down my flushed cheeks. I turn around and hug her back from the front. Her face fall on my shoulder as does mine on hers. We cry silently together. Her tears soak into the shoulder of my black t-shirt. She keeps her tears to herself while mine become a sob and I become a mess. Cami sleeps in my room that night like she has before when she would have her nightmares when she was younger. We say nothing the whole night because we know that we don't need to. We might not know what's going to happen tomorrow but at least there's two of us to fight the battle.
I wish the whole world would just leave me alone.
But I don't want the world to leave me lonely.
After that night my dad nor Austin didn't come home for two days and when they did my dad apologized flakily and my mom genuinely believed it. Austin caught Jacob up on everything because he was at a friend's house that night and my mom was to shaken to speak about it. Jacob asked me about it but he didn't really believe me. He never asked Cami about it her being the youngest I suppose.
Not even a month later my dad developed his obsession with alcohol, my mother is to scared of him leaving to say anything about it. My father eventually heard the whole story of that night and what had happened between me and my mother. I now see a psychiatrist for Judah. It doesn't change anything because I won't say anything while I'm there. I've told my mother and my father that they are simply wasting their money. I've gotten over the fact that they think Judah is fake. If that's what they want to think so be it, I know he's real. I still talk to him and we still hang out we just keep it secret just in case.
Cami is really the only person left in the house that I really talk to. I was never really close with Jacob he's really the opposite of me and we don't' get along well and we never really have. Jacob really takes care of our mother now anyways. Austin is gone, moved out for collage, he hightailed out of here. I don't talk to my father unless I am forced to. I honestly don't know how he still has his job. He wakes up at about 5:00 am, makes some noise, goes to work. Comes home around 7:00 pm and drinks enough for the whole year itself. My mother still makes no fuss of it and I know she never will. None of us will. We will all just leave him to do as he does though we know it's wrong we refuse to change it, but we'd like to.
I don't like school anymore my grades are dropping and my anger level rises just by simple entering the building. I don't even have to see anyone just being there makes me upset and I have no Idea why. I've started playing the bass on my own time. I got one last year for Christmas though I was rather certain I had no musical talents and that they all went to Cami but I guess I was wrong. Cami is definitely more musical than me, she can pick up any instrument and play it within 5 minutes, except for the bass guitar. Maybe she fakes if for my own confidence but it doesn't matter. I'm actually pretty good at the bass guitar for as long as I've had it at least. I like how low it sounds. Not many people realize it but when the bass plays just right is vibrates just about everything including all the people.
Cami enjoys piano, cello, and the drums more than any other instruments. Sometimes we will coordinate songs together. Cami has grown out of her curls for the most part. Pieces of them stay around the ends making the top straight slowly going down into small little curls. Her eyes are blue, no other color and remind me of the Carabine. You could simple look in her eyes and go on a vacation of your own through them. Her eye color skipped a generation to get to her. Our grandmother had blue eyes but our mother does not. Her name means what she is; a blessing. If I didn't have Cami as my sister I really would be lost. She's the only girl in the house besides our mother but that doesn't seem to bother her. Most of her friends at school are guys anyways. She stands with a small sturdy frame unique to her own. She reminds me of frozen lemonade and the summer season. Her hair falls around her waist and he complains about it in any way she can but refuses to cut it. Her hair has an auburn glow though she wishes for the color of embers from a fire. Her name suites her long fingers and graceful appearance. Cami is rather clumsy but enjoys laughing at herself when she falls. I've come to know Cami as someone who embraces everything despite what it is. She embraces her clumsy and she embraces my awkward. Cami is a F major key. She is more than one chord she has her own key she should have her own song. Cami is a gift.
