The Side Not Seen

   She's suppose to be their leader, one that her people can turn to in times of turmoil, someone they can rely on to make the tough decisions, so isn't it ironic how she fails so miserably to do just that?

She never used to struggle making decisions in life or death situations, perhaps that was what made her a great leader, at one time. But now? Now, she is reduced to nothing more than a girl who puts up a brave front and acts how people expect her to, in charge and in control of everything.

Few know the stress and anxiety she now suffers from, the result of making too many bad choices. Many do not notice the way sweat begins to form on her forehead when a decision needs to be made, or how her left hand, the one that has taken so many lives, starts to shake. Instead, many pay attention to the fake, yet convincing look of confidence plastered on her face, and the distant look in her eyes that is typically associated with the idea the the girl is deep in thought, weighing every option. Most do not know this is not merely a common misinterpretation, and that the distant look in her eyes is the result of her seeing and replaying the deaths that were caused by her.

Images flash through her mind, 300 grounders, burnt to a crisp by her command. The people of TonDC killed by the missal, one that she failed to inform them of. The people of Mt. Weather, some allies, dying as she pulls the level that radiated the whole level.

These deaths affect her, but it is the ones of the people she loved and cared about that hurt and haunt her the most. Her father, being floated right in front of her. Her first kill, Atom, pleading in his eyes to her , asking for her to end his life. Wells, her best friend who she had just forgiven, killed by a murder she later stood up for. Finn, her lover who went insane looking for her, and the one that she stabbed in the heart. And finally the most recent, Lexa, someone she failed to save, one who took a bullet meant for her.

But perhaps it is also because she knows the great lengths she will go to in order to save her people, that she is scared of what she is capable of. Allowing her own mother to hang herself for the sake of her people haunts her. Her habit of always putting her people's need before anything else scares her.

So though Clarke Griffin may seem fine on the outside, she is quite the opposite in the inside. For now, her people might be safe and at peace with the grounders, however inside, Clarke Griffin is fighting a war, and what scares her most is that she is unsure if her fight will ever be over.