Play for Keeps.

Chapter XVI.

~ L o u i s ~

I wait outside his bedroom, preparing to go on our first date. You'd think after a couple months of dating we would have actually managed a single date. I guess we were just always content with homework dates and sleepovers.
"Are you almost ready?"
"Can I have 10 more minutes?" He yells through the door.
Laughing I respond with a,
"All right."

I sit down outside his door and rest against it. I look at my watch every now and then, but occupy myself mostly with my shoelaces.
The door opens, and I almost fall backwards but catch myself. I stand up quickly and look at a laughing Niall. He changed into black jeans with a black tee, but layered it with a platinum, letterman style jacket. It makes his eyes look even bluer. He looks so beautiful. I just can't say anything. He moves his head like he's trying to get my attention.
"Lou? Louis?!"
I snap out of my haze.
"Yeah?"
"You okay?"
"I'm- I'm wonderful."
I look at him and just stare. I don't say anything, I just stare.
"What?" He blushes looking away from me.
"I just- you're just-"
"Too much?"
"Captivating."
I make him blush even more. I lean down and pull his chin up for a small kiss. When we part, he says,
"Should we... go..?"
I laugh.
"Yeah. Sounds good."

We leave his house and walk down the sidewalk.
"No car?"
"Not this time. I wanted to walk there. My favorite time with you was when I walked you home that one day."
The snow falls lightly, getting stuck in our hair and eyelashes.
"Why'd you do that anyways?"
"You just seemed scared."
"Ha. Terrified."

We reach a park with a bunch of tables. All of the tables have candelabras and plates with silverware.
"What's this?"
"It's our date."
"It's... Wonderful."

We sit down and the date starts with cautious "what do I orders." We're both quiet until the waitress comes to our table and asks what we want.
"I'll have the sirloin- medium- with a baked potato and a house salad. Water to drink please."
"Okay, and you?"
"Oh, uh I'll have the uhm, the grilled lemon chicken piccata with salad and water as well." Niall orders nervously.
"All right. We'll have that right out for you guys."

I put my chin in my hand and stare at him across the table. He turns bright red again and asks accusingly, but playfully,
"What?"
"I just... you're so captivating."
"Stop."
"You are."

The evening continues with me complimenting him and him saying to stop, but after we get our food and eat most of it, we get into some deeper conversations.
"Well, I just think people should want... more than just sex. I prefer an intimate connection than a one time hook up."
"No, I totally agree. People should really want something out of people rather than just being some terrible horndog."
"Yeah. And it's just..."
"What?" I say excited to hear more about what he has to say.
"Nothing. It's stupid."
"Hey! Nothing you say, Ni, is stupid. I promise." A moment goes by of no words. "Tell me?"
"Okay. I just think people create a deep relationship with someone, and they can just take away all of the bad things that dwell up inside. All those bad thoughts, or the chaos in someone, the right person can make all of that just, I don't know... disappear."
"What do you mean?"
"I don't know... I just think that people can save you."
"You think people can save people?"
"They do!" He nervously laughs. "I mean, don't you think that?" His expression drops.
"Well, I mean, I personally don't but that's just me."
"Why not?"
"Pardon?"
"Why can't people save people?"
"It's just... unreal. It's not... realistic. People just don't."
He starts to get a little bit angry.
"What about when you love someone, and you care for them?"
"You're asking the wrong person."
"What do you mean?"
"Love is just... sappy."
"Sappy?"
"You know... it's just... it all seems fake."
"What about holding hands? Or kissing? Or sleeping in the same bed? Or, god, even a first date?"
"Yeah! Those are all great and all, but love doesn't work out in the end."
He swallows hard, and then he ask really quietly - barely audible - as he looks down,
"Well what about me?"
"Niall, don't-"
"No! What about me?"
"I like you a lot. You're great. But you can't save me, Ni."
"Who said anything about saving you?"
"What do yo-"
"You're saving me."
"Ni... no.. I'm not.."
He sniffles and keeps looking down.
"People can't save people, Niall."
He looks up at me after that.
"Then what are we doing?"
"Don-"
"No! Seriously. What's it all for if you don't even believe in love? What's the point?"
"What are you saying Ni?"
"Stop with the names! Don't talk so sweetly when you know you're killing me!"

~ N i a l l ~

I never thought I'd ever be in this situation.
"You don't get to do that to me."
"Don't do this."
"I just don't get it. You spend all this time making me love you and caring for you, but then you act like none of it even matters."
"I wasn't trying to hurt you, I just.. I-"
"You what? You saw a scared little boy, and you wanted to fix him?"
"You just looked so scared."
"Is that all I was? A project? Well guess what. People can't save people, Louis. But you should know an awful lot about that."

I slide out from the table and throw my napkin on the table.
"Have fun with your next project."
I say before I walk away.

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Those were the last words I said to him for a long time. That was in February, but even today he tries to wave at me or offer a half smile, but I never return the gesture. You have to take care of yourself. When you fall in love, you get hurt.
I go to the bathroom during lunch and lock a stall door. I get down and remind myself that I made a stupid choice.

~ L o u i s ~

"I'll step lightly."
I guess I'll fall through.