Happily

Chapter 5

My dreams were no longer dreams anymore. They were pure nightmares. They all had something to do with Lauren. Each one showed the death of my best friend. I wish I could just run over to her room and give her a hug, but that is now impossible. She is gone just like she was in my horrible nightmares.

I reached for my phone that was on the nightstand beside my bed. The time read, 4:00am. I have been getting no sleep lately, making me weaker than I usually am. I look worse as well, if that's even possible.

I decide to get up. It's not like I am going to get any more sleep anyway. Maybe I can look decent for today, since world famous pop stars will be in my hospital today.

I try to push my self out of my bed, but today I am weaker than usual. I would call a nurse in, but than she would ask me all of these questions and make a big deal out of nothing. Well, actually having cancer is kind of a bad big deal, but I want to be able to do thing on my own.

I use my breathing machines pole for support, putting all of my weight on it, which is only 93.6 pounds on it. That's a good weight for me though, and I am happy with that number. I have been down to 81 pounds a few months ago, and I was so weak. Just thinking about the pain I was in before makes my head kill.

As I get out of my bed, slowly of course, I search through chest my parents had brought here from home for some clothes.

I search for something 'cute' but comfortable as well.

After about four minutes I find something that I think would be perfect. I hobble over to the bathroom(which is in my room, obviously) to start to get ready. I take of my pajamas making sure my pj top and bottom don't get caught with my breathing tank wires.

I then step into the soft pink dress my aunt got me for my 16th birthday. It's still kind of big on me, but hey it's comfortable which is my kind of style. I then decide to use my black and pink polka dot belt to put around my waste. I don't want to look really fancy so this would be perfect for now.

Looking in the mirror I am happy with the outfit I am wearing. I think it looks nice, compared to what I usually wear. As I continue to stare at myself, I realize that my hair, just a tiny bit of course, is starting to grow back. This is purely amazing. Maybe this means I am getting better. Oh my god. I am getting better. Hopefully.

Wait. No I am not. I live with a disease inside of me, that's threatening to take my life at any moment.

Cancer destroyed my whole life. It destroyed my health. It destroyed my appearance. It destroyed everything. Including my friend.

You know what? I will not let cancer get the best of me anymore. I will act like I don't have it. I will act fine. I will act strong. I will pretend I am fine, and not hurting inside, when in reality it is taking my life away from me.

After 5 minutes of just standing in my bathroom, staring into the mirror I decide to do my makeup since I have 2 hours to kill until my parents come and visit me.

I start with my eyes, just putting on enough makeup to give my eyes a natural look. I then just put lipgloss on my lips making them smooth and silky.

If I do say for myself, I look great compared to what I usually look like. I kind of look.. normal? Except for you know being bald, and unhealthily skinny.

I leave the bathroom bringing my 'BT' or breathing tank with me.

I unlock my phone and check my Instagram. I scroll through pictures quickly not really paying attention to them. I then look up all of the five boys who are in One Direction. The only reason I know there names are because I stayed up last night and did my 'research' on them.

I followed only the three boys who had an Instagram and also the actual One Direction account.

I then checked my twitter as well. To tell you the truth I have two twitters. One is my personal account. The other, this is kind of embarrassing, is dedicated to an idol me and Lauren were absolutely obsessed with, the Janoskians. They seriously are one of the reasons I am still here and okay. They just give me hope for the future if that makes sense.

Anyway I follow all the '1D' boys on both accounts.

I am pretty excited for today, maybe they will follow me on Twitter. Gosh, I sound like an eleven year old.

Seventeen year olds can be fangirls if they want to. And I want to, so I am.