As Hope and Promise Fade

Chapter 3

Chapter 3

Ariana didn’t drink because there was still a year until she was legal to do so but that night she didn’t care for the rules. It was a party for a bunch of sixteen year olds except since their parents were also there alcohol was being served.

The bar tender didn’t ask for ID, she didn’t look sixteen anymore and thankfully she passed for twenty one. The liquor helped take the edge off all the sadness she was feeling.

“Hey stranger.”

“Charlie!” she threw her arms around him for a hug. “How are you?” he was on that list of people she missed while she was gone at school. Charlie had become one of her best friends and confidant. It was nice having someone to talk to that knew about all the secrets she had to keep for Jax.

“I’m good, adjusting to community college and all that.” He hated the thought of having to go back to school after high school was over but Marc convinced him he needed to get a degree and a career to fall back on outside of the pack. He hadn’t been able to convince Jax of the same.

“I told you if you needed any help I’m just a call away. How are things with Jessica?” Just before she had left they had decided to start dating.

“Eh.”

“Eh?”

“Yeah. I realized we’re better off as friends. Everything is a power struggle between us and since she’s been at this longer she normally wins.” He shrugged and seemed to be alright with the way the situation went.

“That perfect girl is out there somewhere.”

“Yeah I know you want me to keep that faith and all that but right now I’m not trying to find her anyway. I have to be comfortable with all of this first before bringing someone else into it.”

“Very responsible of you.”

“Yeah who knew?” he chuckled. “I’m gonna get out your hair now but try to smile. We’re all noticing your sour mood.”   

“I’ll try that.” She took a long swallow of her drink and rather liked the fruit punch taste mixed with some Bacardi. She liked it so much she ordered another one and another one to follow so her hand wouldn’t get lonely. With each sip she thought less of Jax and his rejection because that’s what it was; rejection.  After how much he fought for her to take the chance on him he was the one rejecting her now and it sucked. Her heart was tight and angry.

“What are you doing?” he stood behind her with his breath hot against her neck.

“Trying to forget about you.” she finished off the last of her third drink and didn’t bother to turn and face him.

“You don’t drink.” He took the glass and sniffed the contents.

“First time for everything. I didn’t drink and you weren’t a cruel bastard but tonight is a night of change.” She chuckled bitterly and motioned for the bartender.

“Come here.” He grabbed ahold of her wrist and tugged her away from the bar and down to an empty hallway where the bathrooms were. “You’re going to regret not pacing your drinking.” He said once they were alone in what looked like an office with many filing cabinets.

“I can just add it to the list, can you let go of me?” she tugged at her wrist but it was done in vain. She tried to ignore the buzzing along her nerve endings he caused. She couldn’t even be mad at him properly. You couldn’t be mad at someone and still want to kiss them. The laws of physics didn’t allow it to be so.

“I’m worried about you.” he confessed softly.

“So? You broke up with me and I don’t know a lot about these things but I’m sure that means you no longer have a say in what I do. I can drink, if my mom across the room didn’t care than neither should you.” her words were hot with all the words she couldn’t say. She wanted to blow up at him until he felt as bad as she did except she didn’t know how to express them. She didn’t know how to hurt him. “Please let me go.” She lost her edge as she sniffed back tears.

“Damn it.” he let go off her wrist only to cup his hands around her face, titling it upward to meet her eyes. “All I want is for you to be happy and I can’t even get that right.”

“There was nothing for you to get right, we were fine.”

“No we weren’t. We shouldn’t be talking about this since you’re pretty drunk but if you remember back to the weeks before I suggested we take a break you’ll see we weren’t fine. Maybe we were but you weren’t. There was something missing, I saw it in your eyes and as mad as you are now I don’t see that part missing anymore. You pride yourself in your plans and goals and when that went off course you lost something with it. I know you love me and I love you and will to the day I die but I need you to find you before you can we can both be all in.”

Ariana stared at him and didn’t know how to stay angry when he spoke that beautifully that it actually made sense. A year after all the hurt and sorrow it finally made sense. “I didn’t need the plan anymore. I didn’t need any of it.” her buzz from the liquor was long gone, she was stone cold sober as her heart pumped over time being in his arms.

“You’d come to hate me for being the reason you gave everything up. You can’t live for me Ariana, you have to have your own place in life doing what you’ve always wanted.”

“Why can’t I have you and all that other stuff?”  She shook her head as he opened his mouth. “Just shut up.” she stepped closer and planted her lips firmly on his. It had been far too long since their last kiss for her to wait another second.

The same way her head was mush as they kissed and touched he didn’t fair much better. His thoughts and well thought out speeches fell away as his hands moved down her waist and around her hips.

Her hands were clumsy as they reached for the nice blue untucked buttoned down shirt he wore for the party. She was scared he’d pull away and tell her all over again this was wrong, scared this was actually a dream and she’d wake too soon. She held her breath in hopes the moment didn’t shatter. She didn’t want to go back to the way things were five minutes ago where everything was laced with raw searing pain right through her heart.

Maybe he felt all the turmoil she was in or maybe he felt the exact same way because Jax didn’t pull back.