As Hope and Promise Fade

Chapter 4

Chapter 4

Jax helped Ariana by zipping up the back of her dress. “What happens now?” he whispered along the curve of her neck, his teeth lightly grazing over the area of skin.

“You actually want my opinion?” she turned and met his sinfully beautiful eyes. “You know what I want.” She wasn’t going to keep putting her heart on the chopping block only to receive a new cut over and over.

He brushed the loose strands of hair back behind her ear to avoid meeting her stare. “I know.”

“Let’s come up with a compromise.” These last few hours were the most they’ve talked since they broke up and she boarded that plane to California. She began to understand his point of view but she refused to agree with it.

“Like what?”

“Like we both get what we want. I’ll go back to USC and keep going to class, living my life for me, but we’re no longer be broken up.” That wasn’t what she wanted but it was a step in the right direction and sounded like a much better idea than what they’ve been doing all this time. She knew she was never going to find someone else, she didn’t want anyone else, and from everything she’d seen neither did Jax.

“You mean have a long distance relationship?” he was leaning back against the desk with her standing between his legs, with this close distance he couldn’t keep his hands to himself. They had started out on her waist and were now across her bare thighs.

“You want me to plan and follow it so here’s my new plan and I need you to help me follow it.” she braced her own hands across his shoulders as she used his logic against him.

With a sigh he brought his eyes to hers. “I’m scared you’re going to regret loving me.” it all kept coming back to that root of their problem tree.

“Why would you think that? I know you said there was something missing with me but I’ve never done a thing to make you think I’d regret this.”

“No you haven’t.” He agreed with another sigh. “There’s no good history of a were lasting with a human. It’ll either become too much for you to handle anymore or you could get hurt by a hunter coming after me. Or I’ll be the one going crazy with fear of all those things because you wouldn’t be able to protect yourself and I know you don’t want to risk being changed.” They had talked about that several times already and she wasn’t willing to risk dying.

“I hear a lot of ifs and ors. We started this taking the risk of being together even though everyone would think it was wrong, even though it freaked my mom out. We didn’t care because we loved each other and I still don’t care about any of the risks. You convinced me to take that risk and now it’s my turn to convince you.”

He pulled her against his chest and held on tight. “You have to promise me something.”

“Anything.”

“The minute you question this, the minute you’re scared or uncomfortable with it all you’ll tell me. You have handled my heritage better than anyone could’ve asked for but I know under no terms is this easy.”

“It’s not.” If she was going to be that openly honest she might as well start now. “You’re scared for me but I’m equally scared for you. You’re so involved with the pack now and the hunters know who you are. It terrifies me but I handle it because I know being by Marc’s side is what you want. After everything it took for us to get back together before, we promised to always be honest with each other.” She pulled back and met his eyes with a stern expression. “I’ve honored that promise but you haven’t so the next time you feel any of this and have the urge to break up with me you better talk to me about it first.” She was angry she had to wait a whole year to learn of all his deepest fears concerning their relationship.

“Are you threatening me?” he smiled.

“Yes.” She wasn’t smiling. “You ripped me apart Jax.” he leaned in and kissed her. “That’s not going to make it all better.” His hand moved up her inner thigh. “No.” she pulled back using the small piece of will power she developed to deny him. “You can’t make it all better by seducing me although it helps.”

He laughed and pulled her back against his chest. “I’m sorry. I was an idiot but I did it for you. I only want what’s best for you and I’m still not entirely sure that’s with me.”

“You should’ve thought of that before you made me fall in love with you.”

“I was selfish.”

“I think there’s still something you’re not telling me that makes you feel like this.”

“You’re right. I thought we could beat the odds and make it even though we’re different. I wanted you to go to college and do every single thing you had ever planned but when you decided not to I was secretly happy not to lose you even though I knew it wasn’t fair for you to miss out because of me. One night I was sitting with Andrew and he told me something I hadn’t known about him. He had a mate before, a human girl.” His eyes took on a dark edge from the sadness in which he said the words.

Ariana began to piece the puzzle together. “What happened to her?”

“She was killed.”

“By a hunter?”

“No. Hunters are our biggest threat but not our only one. Some lone animals have a mean streak, we call them rogues and rogues like to make humans their prey. The rouge had known Andrew from when they were in school and was jealous of what Andrew had achieved so he took what was most important away from him.”

Ariana’s shoulders fell in sorrow for the suffering Andrew had gone through so unfairly. Again she understood Jax’s fears. Fear wasn’t meant to be rational and it always led to mistakes. She hated that his fear cost them a year of their relationship but she decided to think about it from his point of view. If there was a threat to Jax and she could fix it by pushing him away then she probably would.

She cupped his face between her hands. “Because it happened to Andrew it doesn’t mean it’ll happen to us.”

“I’ll kill me if something happened to you.” His raw honesty brought tears to his eyes.

“What do you think I feel knowing all the horrible things that have and could happen to you? I suck it up and deal with it because I love you.”

“You want me to suck it up?”

“Preferably yes.”

He smiled, a beautiful and dazzling sight, and Ariana knew his fears were eased as much as possible. “When do you have to be back at school?” he asked.

“You have a week to make up for the hell you’ve put me through.”