honor [steve rogers] book 1

06

06| I am Steve Rogers past and possible future.

I believe in true love.

I know that it seems like a far fetched concept but to have someone to get you in the severity and depth more than once and vice versa just doesn't seem conceivable or doable.

Perhaps it's possible to find happiness when one settles for one that is not his or hers one and only but I can't live like that.

I believed that Peggy Carter was the love of my life. I never had much to love in my life. I had a brother that I never knew about named Mathew. He was a few years older. My family traveled to America, New York in hopes of a better life. My brother became sickly and had to use crutches until the sicknesses just became too much and he died during travel. Life one, Steve zero.

My father also died but I also do not know why. Life two, Steve zero.

And I had a mother, she was beautiful and hardworking, but of course, when I was only a young kid, barely making it in the Great Depression, my mom died of pneumonia. I was alone.
I only had one person who cared about me, Bucky, and he died too.

I was alone until I snuck into a draft for WW Two and I met Peggy Carter. A red head with bright red lipstick. She had the most beautiful english accent and a no bullcrap attitude. She believed in me and that's what made a difference.

I remember our first ever one on one conversation and our last. Cornell Phillips didn't see strength in me, but she did, so did Abraham Erskine, the scientist who made me this...super soldier.

She was my first everything. My pal Bucky would take me around Brooklyn and introduce me to the finest women, of course none wanted me because I was skinnier than a pinky. We would go to see motion pictures and compared to how theses pictures looked now I could yell out in awe. We would see millions of plastic ladies but honest to Pete , Peggy was the one to make me blush, ever.

I joined the army to fight bullies, as a kid I was always the target, I would never back down which is how I met Bucky, I thought he was the only one to get me, but after I was injected with the super serum, Peggy still looked at me with the same bedroom eyes she did when I was skinny Steve. She liked me for me. She looked past my awkwardness and under the god persona and looked at me. The me that just wanted to fight bullies. Sure, world war two was about killing some Nazis and Hydra punks but that wasn't my intention. I killed those who were bullies, just like Bucky would do for me when I was being hurt.

Peggy said she loved that about me, she was caring yet firm. Throughout the war all I could think about was her and her smile. When Buck was killed on our mission to take down HYDRA, she was the only thing that kept me from losing my mind.

Peggy was my lifeline, she was the only family I had left. She was the face that haunted me at night, the face that made me not want to lose my mind.

When I returned to consciousness I found out Peggy was 93, on her death bed. I visited her every week but she wouldn't let me see her, she didn't want me to suffer and at first, I did. She thought I was dead. She got married after she thought I was dead, had a family, a husband, and I was left empty, I came out of the ice a different man. More brooding. Angry at something I didn't know what.

One week after I came out of the ice I was going nuts, I biologically I was twenty eight but time wise I was almost a hundred and I wasn't getting any older. I went to the gym to maybe get some anger out. I wasn't sure that I would get any redemption until I met her.