I'm Only His... (Book 2) (HIATUS UNTIL FURTHER NOTICE!!)

Chapter 16: No Feelings...

11/29/2016: #20 as of today... so excited!

Hello guys, hope everyone is doing well and had a great Thanksgiving. I know I did with my husband's family.

I need to say that I know it's been over a month since I've updated. The last Post I wrote explained why yet I had some readers continue to be a bit rude about me not Updating often or quick enough.

That is why I wrote the Post...it was a way to vent in a funny way and to let you all know how busy I am and that my family and personal life is important and will come first.

So please remember that I wasn't ACTUALLY posting a Job Hiring, though some thought it was real. I am very much capable of running my household and being the mom and wife that I need to be. I DON'T need to hire a Butler, Au Pair or maid for things that I signed up to do when I got married and became a mom.

Anyways, hope you enjoy the Chapter and I will update whenever I can...

Kane's P.O.V.

My fists pound on the leather bag. The sweat from my forehead runs down my face and into my eyes but I just blink them away. My anger raises a notch each time my glove connects with the punching bag. Picturing the faces of the guys that Helena has been in contact within the past weeks raise it. Even her face I imagine on it. The way she pisses me off on purpose makes me see red.

The horrible things I am picturing in my head will scare anyone if they were to read my mind. Pain, torture. Every possible punishment possible to make her pay for what she had done the night before. Who the fuck does she think she is? Does she really think that she can do whatever the fuck she wants, with any fucker to embarrass me? Me? Kane 'the Ripper' Cruz? The deadliest gang leader on this side of the United States? Did she forget that I can kill in an instant with no remorse, just like I was taught by my father? Beat those who refuse to bow down to me. Find their weakness and use it against them, beat them down until they cannot stand and then watch them crawl their pathetic selves to me. Begging for mercy. Mercy that I do not have, need or want.

Is Helena that fucking stupid that she thinks she can push me to my limit? The breaking point in which I will just simply stop being who I am and leave her alone?

Did she have temporary amnesia thinking that I would stop wanting her? She is my addiction which I hate to admit. Everything about her drives me insane. Her looks, body, temper, sarcasm and even the way she hates me. I am a masochist. The more she defies me and pushes me away, the more I want her. The need to have and control her in every way possible is what keeps me going. Like when a dog is beaten by its owner, but the dog comes back no matter what because it is loyal.

Is she, my weakness? I think she might be, but I will not show it. I was taught not to feel or have any emotional attachment to anyone. Females were only there to use, abuse and control. They were a weakness and a distraction that men like us could not have. The only reason my father got my mother pregnant was because it was an 'accident'. He was forcing her to get rid of me until he found out I was a boy. A male to carry his legacy of the gang that his father had started. I was his puppet and his punching bag growing up. The son who would be taught everything, from dealing, torturing, blackmailing, killing and anything to get what was needed and wanted. It was ingrained and beat into me. Even how to treat a female. No matter how many times I refused -- it was my fate.

Thinking about my childhood causes me to punch the bag harder, faster. My knuckles feel like they are going to pop out of the gloves from the swelling. The more I hit the more vexed I become and the more I want to feel the pain coursing through my body. The pain that I always welcome. The pain that reminds me that I am human. Even if it is for a while.