I Don't Want To Believe

Sherlock Needs To Shut Up

    "I don't see the problem with the tutu." Sherlock muttered, fluffing the pink fabric out curiously.
"Well, when he gets older, if he decides he want the tutu, he can have it. For now we pick, and I'm picking a dinosaur. He is an alpha after all." John pointed out.
"Yes, an alpha male, the alpha male. I'm such a proud parent, and I never thought I could actually say that." Sherlock admitted. Hamish continued to scream, but finally Harry was able to get his struggling arm into the sleeve and button up the snaps. He looked very cute.
"Diapers, we need diapers." John decided.
"What are those?" Sherlock asked curiously.
"They're little...I don't know, I guess they're little absorbent pants that are for when babies don't know how to use the toilet." John shrugged.
"They just walk around in their pee all day?" Sherlock asked in disgust.
"Well, ya, I guess so, but they don't know any better." John admitted.
"Did you wear one of these...diapers?" Sherlock asked with a sort of laugh.
"Everyone did Sherlock, it's a human thing. I suppose your mother let you pee all over the floor then." John decided.
"We are much more advanced than you; we were toilet trained at a very early age." Sherlock admitted.
"I don't want to talk about this right now." John decided.
"That suggests you want to talk about it later." Sherlock pointed out.
"I don't want to talk about this ever." John corrected.
"I quite agree." Sherlock muttered. He was sitting cross legged on the bed where Hamish was now testing his mobility in his little one piece, squirming around on the bedspread.
"Hello Hamish." John said with a smile, taking one of the baby's hands and waving it around. Hamish smiled, the first real smile John had seen yet. It was a big, toothless baby grin, but never the less it was the most beautiful thing John had ever seen.
"Did you see that? John he smiled, did you see that?" Sherlock asked excitedly, nearly jumping in joy.
"I saw it Sherlock's I'm right here." John assured, patting his excited hand to calm the poor guy down.
"I know, I know, just making sure." Sherlock explained. Harry just laughed, rolling her eyes and sprawling out on the bed.
"I guess I'm not the baby anymore." she decided.
"Of course you're not, you're not a baby, Hamish is." Sherlock pointed out, looking quite confused.
"No, Sherlock, it's an expression." John insisted. Sherlock stared blankly at him for a moment with a look of utter confusion, but then nodded and went back to playing with Hamish, who was still smiling that adorable smile.
"So are you two like, in love?" Harry asked.
"Well, I hope we are." Sherlock decided.
"We are." John agreed with a soft smile to Sherlock, who simply blushed.
"That's so weird." Harry decided.
"It's alright for a boy to like a boy Harry, it's normal now." John assured.
"I know that, idiot. I was talking about the whole human alien thing, I mean it's not controversial yet but it's still odd." Harry admitted, sounding much too mature for her age.
"Yes well, I don't think it's odd at all." Sherlock admitted.
"I think it's perfect." John agreed with a smile. Harry made a disgusted face as Sherlock and John gazed at each other for a moment, and Hamish just made little gurgling sounds. The moment was ruined, however, when the doorbell rang. Sherlock stiffened up immediately, like a prairie dog sensing danger.
"It can't be the guards, can it?" John hissed.
"I don't think aliens ring the doorbell." Harry assured. Nevertheless, John took Hamish in his arms and got to his feet, ready to bolt out the door. Sherlock stood as well, stepping in front of the two and putting a defensive arm out. Harry sat on the bed, looking rather unconcerned, as if they were being unnecessarily melodramatic.
"What do we do if it's them?" John hissed.
"I don't know. I hear talking, I can't make out what they're saying, your parents wouldn't let the guards in, would they?" Sherlock whispered.
"Not if they looked like alien guards." John decided.
"They might be disguised." Sherlock muttered.
"What do we do?" John asked, getting back to the point. Sherlock thought for a moment before going over to the night stand and grabbing the lamp, pulling off the lamp shade and brandishing it like a club.
"This ought to work." He guessed.
"You're going to attack aliens...with a lamp?" John asked, unimpressed. Sherlock looked scandalized, but went back to his position in front of the small family, ready to strike.
"Do you have a better idea?" Sherlock snapped. John sighed in defeat, shaking his head but holding Hamish to his chest, making sure the baby wouldn't be harmed. Harry was starting to look a bit apprehensive with the rising tension, as if she wanted to fight as well. Of course, John wouldn't let that happen.
"Someone's coming up the stairs." Sherlock whispered.
"Harry get under the bed!" John insisted. "Don't let them see you!" Harry nodded quickly, diving under the bed and burrowing underneath it. John sighed in relief, at least she'd be safe. He now heard footsteps coming down the carpeted hallway, someone knew where they were going, they were determined. Sherlock took a deep breath, and as soon as the footsteps got closer he leapt out from behind the door. John couldn't see what happened, but he heard a scream and a bump, as if someone had fallen into the wall.
"Who are you, who sent you!" Sherlock screamed, looking mad with anger.
"What the heck mate, I'm just here...John!" Greg's voice called in terror. John raced out into the hallway to see Sherlock pinning Greg against the wall, his elbow at his throat and the lamp discarded on the floor. Greg looked terrified, if not confused, trying to pry Sherlock's elbow away.
"Sherlock, let him go." John sighed. Hamish had started to cry again, which was only making the job of carrying him a lot more difficult.
"We don't know this man; he could be here to kill you." Sherlock insisted.
"That's Greg, my best friend, let him go." John debated. Greg looked desperate, but finally Sherlock pulled away, letting the poor kid take deep breaths, messaging his throat.
"I thought I was your best friend?" Sherlock asked, sounding rather offended. John took a deep breath, looking over at Greg almost apologetically.
"You are not my best friend anymore." John insisted.
"Wait, he used to be?" Greg asked, looking scandalized.
"Oh ya, that's right." Sherlock sighed. He looked over at Greg, dropping his voice as if sharing a secret. "We kissed, I guess here on Earth that's not a friendly thing." he shrugged. Greg's jaw dropped and John's entire face went scarlet. If he weren't holding Hamish he would've slapped that idiot.
"Wait, you said Sherlock was your cousin? Oh my god, that is just...beyond wrong." Greg muttered, looking disgusted. John couldn't believe this was actually happening.
"What, no, no, Sherlock's not my cousin, don't believe every lie I tell in class." John snapped.
"But you actually kissed him, like, him, emphasis on the gender..." Greg muttered.
"Shut up Greg." John snapped. Sherlock smiled proudly, as if happy to be controversial.
"Huh." Greg muttered, looking between Sherlock and John in surprise. "Oh, is that your aunt's baby?" he asked, just noticing Hamish in John's arms.
"Shut up Sherlock." John snapped, seeing Sherlock open his mouth to reply. He closed his mouth rather moodily.
"Ya, my aunt's, his name is Hamish." John shrugged.
"I thought that was your middle name?" Greg pointed out.
"Oh, it is, ya, but they liked it, wanted to keep it in the family." John shrugged.
"I think it's a beautiful name." Sherlock assured.
"Ya, sorry, who are you?" Greg asked.
"That's Sherlock, he's my, well, friend." John shrugged.
"Where'd you meet this Sherlock?" Greg asked.
"It's been a long two weeks; let's just leave it at that." John decided.
"Can I come out now?" Harry's voice squeaked from the guest room.
"Oh, ya, come on Harry, it's only Greg." John assured. They could hear Harry scrambling around on the floor to get out, as if under the bed wasn't the most comfortable place in the world.
"And why is everyone convinced I'm here to kill them?" Greg asked.
"Like John said, it's been a long couple of weeks." Sherlock sighed. John nodded at him in approval, that was a nice answer, a lot better than the truth, which Sherlock seemed very proud of.
"So, let's go to my room then?" John suggested, wanting to keep Greg far away from the broken test tube in the bathtub. That would only make more questions, and more lies.
"Ya, sure, why'd you run from school? Mrs. Spindler almost had a heart attack." Greg insisted.
"Well, I couldn't let this little thing be born without me." John pointed out.
"Ya, but she thought you were going crazy, after disappearing for two weeks and coming back just to run away, it made even me worry." Greg insisted.
"I'm sane Greg, don't worry. At least, as far as I know." John admitted.
"That's very reassuring, thanks John." Greg snapped. John smiled proudly, leading the small parade into his room before closing the door. Harry leapt onto the bed immediately and John set Hamish down on the bedspread. Sherlock wandered over towards the window, looking outside cautiously, and Greg lingered by the door, watching Sherlock suspiciously as if he were about to blow up or something.
"So, this is all very sudden." Greg decided.
"Ya, I suppose so." John muttered. It could be a lot worse, trust me.
"Well, so, any make up work for me?" John asked, trying to make the conversation a bit lighter.
"Not really, more panicking, maybe a couple of legal documents though." Greg shrugged.
"Always fun, not really my problem. Dad called it in, got it all cleared." John insisted.
"Fair enough." Greg sighed. Sherlock went over to sit on the bed, poking at Hamish once more and trying to get a smile to reappear. Hamish was still being kind of blubbery however, still scared by all the commotion, and wouldn't cooperate.
"So, Sherlock, where are you from?" Greg asked. Sherlock opened his mouth once again, but John glared at him, and he was silent.
"Canada." John decided quickly. Greg gave him a very suspicious look, but nodded slowly.
"You don't have the accent." Greg pointed out skeptically.
"Western Cnada, so we're kind of more, you know, America." Sherlock shrugged, trying to play this off but utterly failing with his lack of geography.
"Cnada?" Greg muttered, looking at John with a frown.
"It's slang. For Canada. Sherlock's real hip and cool." John assured.
"Alright, I hate this, stop lying to me, I'm not an idiot. You may try to convince me this is your boyfriend, you may even convince me this baby is your aunts when there is no woman except your mother and Harry around, but if you try to make me think this awkward little toothpick is 'hip and cool', I know I' m being lied to." Greg decided.
"This 'awkward little toothpick' just beat you up, and if you talk to John like that, he'll do it again." Sherlock warned.
"I'm John's best friend, so back off Sherlock, if that's even your real name." Greg warned.
"It is my real name Graham, so get used to it!" Sherlock snapped. John groaned, not really anxious to see these two fight, even though it would be interesting to see who would win.
"Shut up, both of you." John decided. "Greg, I'm sorry, but I can't tell you the truth. I can't tell you what happened to me, I can't tell you who Sherlock is, or whose baby this is, or anything. And I'm sorry."
"Why not, don't you trust me?" Greg asked.
"I trust you, 100%. But Sherlock doesn't, and it's Sherlock's secret to tell, not mine." John decided. Sherlock looked at John thankfully, but he didn't look as if he was ready to start gushing his secrets out either.
"What, did he kidnap you or something?" Greg asked.
"No, he didn't kidnap me." John sighed, although that was partially true. A better word would be abducted really.
"I know what happened." Harry said proudly.
"You trust the five year old and not me?" Greg asked, sounding offended.
"John told her, not me." Sherlock sighed.
"Hey, I'm great at keeping secrets! I still haven't told anyone that Miranda likes Josh!" she exclaimed, covering her mouth in horror.
"We don't know who that is, don't worry." Greg assured.
"I'm sorry, we're both sorry, I know there are too many secrets." John insisted. Greg sighed, looking down at the floor and taking a deep breath.
"Ya, no, it's fine." He assured. "It's fine."
"Thank you George." Sherlock said with a thankful smile.
"My name is Greg." He pointed out.
"Oh, sorry." Sherlock muttered.
"So, not to change the subject or anything, but how was school without me?" John asked, sitting on the bed next to Hamish and poking at his cute little stomach.
"Boring, dreadful, terrible, and everything in between. Everyone was so mopey, asking me if I was alright, I was called down to talk to the guidance counselors, as if that was going to help." Greg laughed.
"Look at that John, people missed you!" Sherlock said with a smile.
"Hey, I'm a popular guy." John shrugged.
"No you're not, shut up. I doubt you've spoken two words to a girl." Greg decided.
"I talk to Harry every day." John insisted.
"Ya!" Harry said enthusiastically, as if she loved to prove people wrong.
"I meant a girl your own age that went to our school. Then again, I see that doesn't really matter anymore." Greg muttered, eyeing Sherlock suspiciously, as if blaming him for turning John gay.
"Not really, no." Sherlock agreed quickly, as if making sure John still wasn't interested in another girl, which he really wasn't.
"How about you Sherlock, quite the player I imagine, before you met John?" Greg said sarcastically.
"I'm not really into sports, no." Sherlock shrugged. Greg just laughed, looking at John as if he must be crazy.
"You sure know how to pick them John." he muttered. Sherlock looked more confused than ever, looking at John for support.
"He's unique, I'll admit that much." John sighed. Greg walked over to the bed, which was getting quite full, and tickled Hamish's stomach playfully.
"Aw, he's so cute." He decided as Hamish smiled once more.
"Oh so he won't smile for me, but he will for you." Sherlock groaned.
"I have a way with little children." Greg admitted.
"We'll keep that in mind for babysitting." Sherlock laughed. Greg raised a suspicious eyebrow but went back to playing with Hamish.
"I'm surprised he's still awake. Usually babies sleep for like, hours after they're born." Greg pointed out.
"Yes well, he's no ordinary baby." Sherlock insisted proudly. Once again, Greg looked very confused, but nodded anyway.
"Obviously." Greg muttered. "Well, I better go. My mom's waiting for me, just wanted to make sure everything was alright, that you didn't go missing for another two weeks." He got to his feet, looking a bit awkward.
"It was nice meeting you...Greg." Sherlock said finally, as if momentarily forgetting his name.
"You too, and Sherlock, be good to John. If he really did pick you to be his boyfriend, don't make him regret it." Greg warned.
"I'm good. I'm always good, especially to the ones I love." Sherlock assured. Greg seemed to be on the brink of both laughing and crying, so with a little wave of goodbye he went out the door.