Poems Of A Disinterested Mind

Poems 1-5

Poem 1
I don't really feel emotions anymore
I just keep swinging like a door
But I've been taken off my hinges and I'm lying on the floor.
I need to get up and see the outside world.

I wonder if my friends are calling
I wonder is the sun still shines.
I haven't been out
I was too scared to try
Because I might die.
Then they'll know I'm not good enough
If I still die while I try.

I start to pull myself along,
Down this back hall.
I feel dust on the wall
Because my last endeavor
Took forever,
I almost didn't make it back.
The dark stuffed my eyes
And I lost sight of the prize.

I climb up the stairs
Higher, higher, higher
This feels like a sky scraper
But it's just a path
So maybe once again I'll be blithe and laugh.
Higher, higher, higher
My family is all still here
I believed it had been a year
But that was just my fear.

I wonder does this mean my friends are still calling
Because the sun is still shining. 
I haven't been out,
I was too scared to try
Because I might die
Then they'll know I'm not good enough
If I still die while I try.

But it's the same year
The same day
It only felt so long
Because I was ticking off the number of offenses
And I cried enough to wash them with my tears.

I made it up to the blinding light
And I hide my smile
And show my craters
Where my hope disappeared
And found my friends were near.

Poem 2
Standing at a window
Going to pitch yourself out.
The action fostered by self doubt.
"What are you talking about?
You're selfish and and too proud"
They say.
Just ignore the sting
Breathe air for one more day.
They're just lying. They don't really want their phone to ring
And the voice to say that you broke the string.

You just want to fall.
Wanna get hit by a car,
By a car and taken far,
Taken far where you'll have no scars.
"They're ugly cover them up. No one'll trust you. No one'll back you up"
But those remarks
Will remind you you're tough.
And we're here when they call your bluff.

Don't put yourself down.
Gravity only wants you to stay on the ground
Where you can't fall. 
It's pushing from above controlling all

We'll hold you up.
We'll hold you in place.
We won't let you drift to your minds outer-space.

Poem 3
I paint with water so you can't see
And so I look clean.
And after the fact,
I march to your step
With a smile glued to my face.
You can check my sanity's limbs
But there won't be a speck of paint!
You can check for flaws in the walls of my morals.
But I'm like a kid strutting around in florals!

I sculpt with light
So my eyes look bright.
When the truth is it's
The cataracts reflecting like ice.
I'll stare into your eyes
But it'll be so easy to lie
Not being able to see them try to pry.
My hands won't fidget
Because my nerves are fried!
But you'll think it's because I'm as true as the sky.

I fill the inside
With the blood from your hands.
I know I can't hide!
But you make it so easy for me to try!
If you really know why
Then why do ask me
And give me the chance to lie?
There must be a reason
For why my walls are drenched.
And there are holes in them too.

I'll paint with your blood for the world to see
And so I am clean.

Poem 4
I could no longer conceal
The sting of my cuts as they started to heal.
I had to tell what my hands had crafted. That first line repeated
Straight down to the fact that
I was having trouble finding what I believe in. If you have no basis
Then how can you have morals?
If you can't have morals
What do you fight for in a quarrel?
If you don't quarrel
How would you know it's a lie if someone tells you God is a squirrel?
And if God is a squirrel how can he tell you the basis for you morals?
I quarrel.
That's not an easy world to hide on your stomach.
So I could no longer conceal
The sting of my cuts as they started to heal.

Poem 5
Oh, why yes of course!
Treat me as if I am a vacuous being
And then expect me to read your mind.
Mock me and leave red lines,
Then I'll show respect.

Just refuse to acknowledge the fact
That I abhor myself.
And that every time I see my own reflection
I cringe and scowl and will myself to change.

Because you have had nothing to do
With my inimical stance
And my short answers.
Oh no! Your repetitive lectures are helping my dim witted self!

Everyone's antipathy to you
Is simply a coincidence.
If you make them write a paper about it
It won't read
"My dear, you are harrowing"

We truly admire your ability
To take the cockiest of the group
And make them cockier!
And to take the ones with
Esoteric answers
And make them doubt themselves.

Thank you!
Thanks for giving us more sleepless nights,
More stressful days,
And more things to cry about when we're alone.
We truly appreciate your tyranny.