Fragile (Uncontrollable Desires 3) -ON HOLD!!!-

Chapter Two: Okay

**Ugh, reread the first chapter and started crying. IDEK**

Chapter Two: Okay

When we get home Harry walks straight towards the staircase and starts trudging up the steps. I sigh and watch my fiance's familiar back. I can tell he's mad about something, he always tries to block me out when he's upset. I have half the mind to letting him go up those steps and find some room for him to settle down in. I don't have enough courage to face him right now.

I take in a heavy breath and start up the stairs. There's no solution to a problem if there is no attempt at fixing it. The wooden steps don't even creak beneath my feet like other houses would. My parents built every part of this house with the best material available.

The wall to my right is covered with pictures of my family. As I walk up the steps, I stare at pictures of me and my brother Alexander. In one of the pictures he and I are only half dressed, our little bodies sitting across from each other in wet sand. That day we had gone to the beach without our parents, only Jeffery was there to watch us. Jeffery was always the one to supervise us. He let us run around on the beach, letting us go as far as our little legs would take us. I can still feel the brush of the wind across my face, the laughter on my lips as I screamed at my brother to slow down a bit so that I could catch up. And Alexander always ran back to me to grab my hand and pull me towards the water.

Another picture shows Alexander and I smiling widely, a trophy in his hands. He had been deemed the school's MVP of the football team. It was taken right after one of his games and his hair was damp with sweat. I ran right over to him, screaming at the top of my lungs at how proud I was of him. Jeffery, who was beginning to grow old with age, walked with me, a camera in his hands. He always liked to document our successes. I used to think it was because he wanted to show our parents what they had missed, but now I know that it's for us. To show us everything we had done in our lives.

I put my hand on a picture of Alexander. We were twins, fraternal, but still twins. Losing him was like losing a part of myself.

I let myself feel weak for five seconds and then tell myself to let go and move on. Breathe, Niall whispers through my mind and I smile at his voice. It's funny how that simple word can make a difference in a stressful situation. Somehow that blonde boy always finds a way to calm me down.

Five seconds are up and I turn away from the pictures on the wall and start climbing the stairs again. There are far more important things to do and standing around remembering my past is not one of them.

I search the second floor and don't find Harry any where in sight. Thoughts of when I was giving the boys a tour of my house long ago makes me smile. I remember their complete joy at seeing the game room filled with any type of game console they could ask for. I remember their complete shock at how rich I am. Even I seem to forget sometimes. When you have money, you don't really think about the amount of it anymore.

I climb up the second floor and enter the side that belonged to Alexander first. The second floor was built so that it would appear to belong to only one us, but on the other end would be the other's rooms. They were connected by a large balcony on the outside, a place where Alexander and I would meet each other to hang out when we didn't want to be alone. I search through his rooms, my eyes only glancing at everything. When One Direction had moved in all those months ago, I had changed his rooms to accomodate the five of them. Now I miss the dirty clothes on the floor and Alexander sitting at his computer playing some internet game. I would never see those things again.

I shake my head, trying to push him out of my mind. Having to talk about my family and be faced wth pictures of them must have rubbed off on me, filling my mind with memories that I can no longer avoid. My throat starts to tighten with sobs I don't want to let out.

I turn the handle of the door leading to the balcony and let myself out. The wind that greets me is welcomed with open arms and I take in a deep breath. I stare out over the rail for a few moments before opening the door that leads to my side of the third floor. As soon as I open the door, I can hear the sound of piano keys being played.

Harry.

Harry sits at the piano in my recreation room. The rest of the room is covered with different things ranging between trophies, awards, art, and pictures that Jeffery had taken. Harry's back is to me and I watch his fingers trail across the top of the keys without playing them. He doesn't know how to play the instrument, but seeing him sit at the bench makes my heart warm.

"You know, you could always take lessons one day," I tell him. I lean against the doorway.

Harry turns on the bench and faces me. He still has his suit on and his hair is still combed back, away from his face. I can see the little crease between his eyebrows as he stares at me. The corner of his mouth tilts downwards.

"You never did like ties," I say, my gaze going to the undone tie on the top of the piano.

Harry glances it at then looks back at me with a shrug. "They're not very comfortable. I thought you didn't really like dresses."

The dark maroon dress that I had yet to take off feels tighter than it really is. I know it only feels that way because of Harry's dark green eyed gaze. I stand up straight so that the fabric falls further down my body.

"I'll go change out of it."

"Don't. I think you look nice in it," Harry says. It's a subtle comment, but I know his intentions that lie beneath it.

I shake my head lightly, my brown waves moving across my face. "I think I like the feel of jeans better." Harry just gazes at me and I shift uncomfortably. I wait for him to say something else but he just keeps his mouth shut. I turn and leave the room, taking the couple steps to my bedroom and shut the door behind me.

My bedroom is now our bedroom and I'm reminded of that fact when I see Harry's dark jeans strewn across the floor. A couple of his white and black tees are tossed near the hamper, but not quite in it. I pick up the loose clothing and toss them into the pile, writing a mental list of things I should get done some time soon. Laundry is definitely on that list.

I change out of my dress quickly and slip on a pair of light blue jeans with rips at the knees. I grab a knitted sweater and put it on, letting it fall to the middle of my thighs. It must be the matching sweater Harry and I bought together and I have half the mind to change into my own, but I like the comfort that his provides. I decide it's fine and tie my hair up.

There's a soft knock at the door and I frown at the closed door. Harry hardly ever knocks, only when there's something off between us does he ever bother using manners.

"Come in," I call out.

Harry opens the door slowly, his eyes averted from me as if he's not sure whether he can look or not. Almost as if he's shy.

I walk over to him and take his hand in mine. "Hey, are you okay?" I ask the question that I wanted to avoid. That question is almost always answered with I'm fine, oh the infamous lie that even I have come to know well.

But Harry doesn't give me that answer. Instead he shakes his gelled down head of curls and walks past me, his hand slipping out of mine. Something is definitely wrong. Harry takes his suit coat off and tosses it on the bed. He kicks his shoes off and I wait for him to keep undressing like he would normally do.

"Do you mind?" It's just a soft whisper, but I can feel the rejection crawling up into me, burying itself in my heart. He doesn't even look at me when he says it, just slightly turns his head in my direction.

I don't understand. "Of course, sorry," I mutter and then walk out the door, shutting it behind me. I don't understand at all.

I don't know where I'm going until I'm at Jeffery's door, my fist rapping on the familiar wooden door before I can think twice. He lives on the first floor along with the other house staff members. Or at least he did until Harry and I let them all go home to their families, telling them that they deserve to have a break and live their individual lives. Jeffery refused the invitation to leave, claiming that I was all the family that he could ever need.

He opens the door and can immediately tell there's something wrong. His arms fold me into him and I breathe in his scent. A mixture of old age, home, and comfort. In all actuality, he smells like my laundry detergent.

"Miss Adams, is there something I can help you with?" Jeffery's voice vibrates through his chest on which my head is pressed up against. I notice he's still dressed in house clothing and I think back to the memorial. Did I see him there?

"Were you at the memorial?" I pull back so that I can look up at him. Jeffery is old with age. It's obvious by his white hair and wrinkled skin, but his blue eyes would always have life in them. Those eyes would always have understanding in them.

He shakes his head with a sad smile on his face. "I could not make myself go there. I don't know about you, Miss Ashlyn, but I cannot stand fake people. And that rooom would have been filled with them. Everyone just trying to claw their way to the top of the chain, to tell you all these lies about why you should appoint them to this position and that. I couldn't let myself be in that place and not hold my tongue like a good man. I would have been too inclined to speak out." Jeffery's voice is hard, a voice that you would not expect to come out of a man so old with age.

I put a hand on his shoulder. "You did the right thing. I couldn't stand being there either, but I was expected to attend."

"I know that much. I also watched your speech, couldn't resist making sure you were doing okay. You are okay right?"

There's that question. Just phrased a little differently. I want to tell him the same answer I give to Niall and Harry and everybody else who has asked that damn question, but one look at Jeffery tells me that I don't have to lie to him. I don't have to hide behind a simple lie. I can just let go.

"I don't think I am." It's a whisper, but it's out there. I said it.

"I figured," Jeffery sighs and then shuffles around me, putting an arm on my shoulders. "Come on, I may not be good for many things, but I can make a damn good hot chocolate."

A small giggle leaves my lips as we walk down the hallway. "Strange, I always thought that was Linda's expertise," I tease. Linda was, for the longest time, my family's chef and kitchen extraordinare. The things she would cook could make anybody drool. I miss her from time to time, but she deserved to cook for her own family.

"I have lived many years, Miss Ashlyn. I think I have perfected the art of making hot chocolate."

I smile and sit at the counter as Jeffery busies himself around the kitchen. He goes home every now and then to check on his neice and whoever else lives in that house, but he lives here majority of the time. I try not to ask him for too much. He's grown very old and it worries me some times.

But the way Jeffery moves around the kitchen, a slight skip in his step and a smile on his face, lets me know that he's still healthy. He talks briefly about how he felt about my speech as he stirs up some hot chocolate, mixing in different spices when his back is to me. After a couple minutes, he slides me my cup of hot chocolate, three large marshmallows floating on the top, and then leans across from me, watching me with dark blue eyes.

I bring the cup up and take a sip, instantly sighing with the warm liquid sliding down my throat. "Thank you, it's delicious," I tell him honestly. "So, what were you saying?"

"I wasn't saying anything, I was asking whether you were okay or not and you answered with not," he reminds me and I nod. "I'd ask for you to go further into detail with that, but something tells me that you don't wish to."

I give him a small smile. "Am I always that easy to read?"

"I've been around a very long time to be able to read between the lines."

"It was hard - today, I mean. to stand up in front of those people as they expected me to say certain things about my parents. Let's not kid ourselves when it comes to who they were there for. I could bet half of them didn't even know I lost a brother that day," I say bitterly and I have to take a gulp of the hot chocolate to calm myself down. "I just wish sometimes that the company didn't exist. That I could be one of those students in college and not at the top of some big ol' company. Maybe then my life would be normal."

"Normal?!" Jeffery laughs at this and I look up to see him staring at me with amused eyes. "You think that your life needs to be any different?"

"I'm just saying that maybe it's easier if it was."

"Easier, yes. But do you want that? Do you really want that?" I open my mouth to answer, but he starts talking again. "You wouldn't have the friends you have today. You wouldn't have Liam who flies all the way here just to take care of you when you felt like you had no one. You wouldn't have Louis and Zayn who help clear your mind with laughter and painting. You wouldn't have any of it." I wonder why he didn't bring up Harry or Niall, but I keep the question to myself. "And you want to change it?"

I look down into my cup. The large marshmallows have shrunk now, almost disappearing completely into the brown liquid. I breathe out and watch little ripples appear in the cup.

"No," I answer. "No, I don't."

"Then why are you acting like you've just been hit by a bus? Where is that smile you used to wear so proudly? Where is the girl that would run down the stairs and trip, calling to me even when you didn't need help because you'd always fall on the last step? Where is the girl that made it through being paralyzed and learned to walk again? Where is the girl that I know as Ashlyn Adams?"

Jeffery stares at me so confidently that I unconsciously sit straight. "You're right," I nod. "You're absolutely right, Jeffery."

"Then when are you going to stop acting and start living agian?" Jeffery asks. He leaves no space for me to answer as he leaves the room, his blue eyes darting past me right before he leaves. His question fills my mind and all I can do is keep asking it myself.

When am I going to stop acting and start living again?

"Ashlyn?"

I turn and see Harry standing by the kitchen entrance, his hands in the pockets of his jeans that he has put on. I can see a plain white shirt beneath his black leather jacket. There are boots on his shoes and a beanie on his head. I can tell that he washed out his hair, bits of his dark curls sticking out beneath the fabric.

He's dressed to be going out.

"Harry," I say, not moving from the counter.

He drops his gaze to the floor and kicks at the white tiles. There's that averted look again. "The boys want to know if we'd like to go to dinner with them."

His words shock me. When did they talk? Lately they haven't done much hanging out or talking at all. "Do you want to go?" I ask cautiously.

Harry shrugs. "I thought it would be nice to hang out with them for a change."

I stare at him and wait for him to look up at me, to meet me with those green eyes that can bring warmth to my body that has somehow turned cold. I stand up and let the sleeves of my sweater fall past my fingertips. I walk over to him and think about taking his hand, but the rejection from earlier makes me think otherwise.

I keep my fists curled inside of my sleeves, hidden away where Harry can't see my fingernails biting into my palms.

"Okay," I say quietly. "Let's go."

Harry nods and turns away, not bothering to lead me out of the house. I just follow after him. My finger traces around the band of my engagement ring. The weight of it pulls all of me downwards.

I want to ask him the simple question and I want him to give me the even simpler answer. But I'm afraid that if I ask, his answer will be different.

I'm afraid that he isn't okay.

But more importantly, I'm wondering why.



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Yeah, not gonna lie, I'm getting mega feels from this fanfic and I have no idea why.

Dedication to @DaniellaPardo <3 Your comment and theories made my day (: Love you!

Anyways, thanks for those of you reading <3

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