The beginning is kind of sad I'm just trying to get her backstory over with, but don't worry I'll add a few jokes here and there.
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Ch. One
Everyone says that family is the best gift you could ever get and that your parents will always be there for you yadda yadda yadda. You know how it goes fri(ends), Boyfri(ends), and bestfri(ends) everything ends with ends, but fam(ily) ends with ILY (I love you). Well I don't think that really applies to my family, because they are cray-cray. Or whatever the slang is these days.
My parents are crazy drug addicts who named their children after their favorite drugs. I'm even surprised that my mom was able to successfully give birth to three healthy children considering how many drugs she takes each day.
But I never let my constantly high parents interfere with my schoolwork or my social life, I mean what's the point of sulking around everywhere complaining about how I never received a sufficient amount of love from my parents. Definitely not me! Nobody can bring down Methamphetamine Ann Goofenhuser. (Except for my name.) I'm a strong-willed women who deserves a strong-willed man who isn't afraid to talk about their feelings, and knit fuzzy sweaters!
......woah where did that come from?.....
As i was saying, yeah my life at home sucks. But at least I could say I feel more at home at school. No I wasn't crazy popular, I had a few good friends, but at least I was able to brag about my grades. I was an A+ student and at the top of my grade, usually I would choose to spend my talents by tutoring other students, but really I would do this just to spend more time at school.
It's a kind of sad life but I just have to stay positive and be prepared for the future. I have it all planned out, once I graduate in spring I'll have a scholarship to some University stay there have a part time job until I get a degree in psychology. And probably marry a sensitive but hot male supermodel.......
I put my pen down after I wrote that last sentence and stashed my journal under my bed along with some dirty socks and some dust bunnies. I sighed as I wiped some dirt off of my old blue jeans(funny sounded like a Hannah Montana song, how I missed the old Miley.)
Just then my unshaven drunk father stomped into my small cramped room.
"Meth AAAAHHHHHNNN!!!!!!", he hissed into my face. I felt his warm beer breathe blow into my cheeks, "Your mother needs to borrow one of your bras!!!"
"But father, she's already used up most of my bras." I responded without raising my voice.
"Don't you back-sass me!" he screamed shoving me against the wall.
"Fine fine," I said in a reassuring voice,"you could use my emergency bra." I went to my bottom dresser and pulled out a fluorescent green lace top that I've been saving for this moment.
My father looked at the frilly fabric item with disgust as he chugged down some Corona.
"Green! GREEN!", He shrieked his eyeballs practically bursting out of his eye sockets he threw the bra to the floor and crushed the can of beer on his head,"How dare you hand me this disturbing GREEN BRA!"
"Wh-wha-what's wrong with green?" I asked confused and terrified.
"Isn't it obvious!?!" He asked with a crazy, drunk look on his face.
I shook my head. I knew my father was crazy but throwing a tantrum over a green bra? That is just psychotic!
"Green is the color of BOOOGEEERRSS!!!!" my father shrieked as he dramatically stretched the word boogers. "Give me your bra!"
YOU ARE READING
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