A Greater Lesson

Chapter 19: Help Us

 When I woke up, I was again in a dark shed, only this time I had Xik with me.  This both comforted and scared me.  My worst fear was for Xik to die, but at least I wouldn’t be here alone without him.  I watched him sleep wondering if I had done the wrong thing.  Was there another way?  Had there been a way out that I overlooked that would have been better?  Did Xik have a plan that I ruined by intervening?  Had I condemned us to death in vain? 

I sat there hugging my knees, my hands tied around a wooden post in front of me, resting my head against it.  I cried some more.  I didn’t want to die.  As much as I hated trying to survive sometimes, it was always better than the alternative when it came down to it.  I closed my eyes and tears streamed down my cheek and landed on my shoulder.  I heard Xik stirring realizing that he could see me now for the first time since I had been caught.  I knew that he knew I got us into this.  I couldn’t bring myself to look towards him.  I had failed and now we were going to die.  I couldn’t have him look at me like this; not after all I’d done to him.

“Rivka?”  His voice was low and scratchy.  I welcomed the sound of his voice, but still I couldn’t bring myself to look at what I’d done.

“Rivka are you okay?  Tell me you’re okay.  Did they hurt you?  Rivka I’m so sorry!”

“I’m okay Xik.  I’m the one who should be sorry.  I started this whole thing, I’m sorry I brought you here.”

“No…  No, what are you talking about?  You didn’t-”

I finally looked up.  “No Xik, I did!  I got you into all this!  This never would have happened had I never met you.  I made you follow me into the jungle and save me.  I made us leave your home.  I let us get caught.  I started all of our problems!  I’m the reason we’re here!”  I buried my head and sobbed. 

“Rivka,” I heard him scoot closer.  “I was the one who found you, remember?  I was the one who let the world think you had a ‘golden jaguar.’  I’m the one who came back after you told me to leave.  If this is anyone’s fault, it’s mine!”

I looked at him.   “You’re right.  Maybe everything would have been better if we’d never met; if we never cared about each other.  I would still be cooking dinner in my tree and you would still be hunting and neither of us would be about to die!  Xik, I wish I could turn back time and make everything right!  I’m sorry!”

“Shhhh sh sh sh shhh….. No, you want to know what I wish?  I wish we could do it all again without changing a thing because you know what, it doesn’t matter how long it would have lasted, my life would mean nothing without you.  I would rather die right now knowing that I love you and got to spend a part of my life with you, than live to be two-hundred without you.  These last few months have been by far the best of my life because you were in them.  And do you know what?  I don’t regret a second of it.”

I bit my lip and looked at the floor.  Upon thinking, I realized that I felt the same way, but I still didn’t want to die.  “Xik, I love you.  But I don’t want to do this, Xik I’m scared!  I don’t want to feel it!  I don’t want to die!  And I don’t want to see you die!  Xik, what do we do?”

“I don’t know Riv.  I don’t know…”

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A few hours had passed before the group came back.  Garis was in charge now.  I assumed he’d always been the leader, persuading Jerghund to do things and letting him think he was the boss, but now matters were completely under his command.  I could hear them talking in another room of the shack.