Survive

Five

I couldn't see more than a foot ahead of me. My own brain made my vision blurry with tears and rage. How could she? How could he? It didn't make any sense. But it didn't matter at this point. Not far from where I was, there was a cliff over looking the sea. I went there at one point to see where we were and if there was any surrounding land to flee to. It had to be done.
I clamored to my feet and took shaky steps deeper into the jungle. It was agonizing, but I did it. What was only a few short minutes felt like eternity. Leaves hit my face, branches whipped my back and legs. The jungle knew. It knew that I gave up, that it won. It was rubbing it in my face. I started running, and running. I hit a few low hanging branches but I didn't let that stop me. The further I went, the darker it got. Then, I finally reached a clearing.
   I could see it. Just a few more feet and I would have sweet release of all the misery I ever felt, all the pain I ever knew, and all the blood that was about to be shed. This was it. Step by step I made my way to the unsteady edge of the cliff. I looked down, and knew if I jumped, it would mean death would hold me in his sweet and seductive embrace. Inching closer, my toes reached off the edge. They gripped the dirt, praying I wouldn't jump. My knees bent and shook, barely holding me up.
   Time nearly froze. The weight of the boys finding me, a ship finding us, my life before all this, every mistake I've ever made, held a tight grip on my conscience. I froze with the time. Mid jump, and I found myself too chicken, too guilty to fight. I stood there, crying into the sea, on the edge of life and death. It was harder to live than it was to die.  My legs straightened, my back turned to the cliff.
   It didn't surprise me to see Mason standing there, watching in terror. I looked him dead in the eye, "I don't like him. I love him. I'll see you in Hell." And I fell. I let myself fall from the cliff without so much as a jump. I leaned, and it was all over from there.
   With every passing moment, my cares and emotions flew away with the wind. My hair whipped and flailed as I turned and faced the ground. Silently, I plummeted, until I felt a crash and several sharp twinges scattered throughout my body. I could hear myself moaning. You've got to be fucking kidding me. I didn't die, I just mutilated myself. Fan-fucking-tastic.