Vixx boyxboy one shot (request open)

I love you but I can't (haken)

This is to my awesome friend and author-nim stArlight_1993 thank you for requesting and I hope you like it. Also please check out her stories they are amazingand really good. I love reading them so again enjoy the read.

Ken P.O.V:

"Why have you been so distant and cold "hakyeon screamed but I didn't care to respond. I just sat in our room in the dark finding comfort in its healing hands "Jaewhan please" he started to cry but I didn't have the energy to console him or chase the worry from his mind. '

I just sat there watching everything I have loved or cared for get taken away and I don't mind. maybe it was meant to be this way and nothing more I deserve to be alone to not be loved by anyone or anything. "Maybe you should leave then" I don't look away from the window "what do you mean" his voice now a whisper "just go" I bring my knees towards my chest as I try to calm my trembling body "no" he starts to chant. "you don't mean it" but what if I do " I don't love you, like I did yesterday" I hold back the aching sobs trying to claw their way out. "I don't think I did at all" right then I broke my own heart "fine then if you want me to go I will" he cries but I don't try to stop him.

Flash back:

3 months ago:

It was a sunny day mid-October when the seasons are changing and the leaves are fading, hakyeon, me and our four other friends decided to go on a triple date, a picnic, and it was wonderful. seeing them laughing and smiling, I can't help but feel as though they are happy without me, even though I am standing right in front of them. It all plays out in slow motion as I watch them hongbin pressing gentle kisses on hyuk's nose and Ravi chasing after Leo as they laugh and lastly my one and only love hakyeon, he smiles at me adoringly but I can't feel happy only sadness.

I wish I could share this feeling with them, but if I do, I feel selfish because I want them to be sad too. I do not wish for their unhappiness, no, I wish I could share my thoughts with them because I do not want its company "I love you" hakyeon smiles at me so lovingly but my thoughts have taken over. I am scared when I wonder because my thoughts keep screaming at me like a dog barking orders that I do not wish to comply, they are so dark and cynical, so I just smile "I love you too" trying to keep up the act. All I do is smile so they don't ask what is troubling you, I pull at the cuffs of my blue cardigan.

so I just smile as big as a Cheshire cat fooling them with this deception of enjoying my time with them. "Let's play a game" hyuk shouted, the thing is I do not enjoy my time because I do not belong anymore. "How about you jaewhan" taekwoon looked concern but all I can do is smile "no you guys play" this emptiness keeps echoing inside me it is so loud it's like raising the volume on a TV but I wish for the noise to go away because these echoes make me feel as though I'm going to explode. I walk to the table and watch them play I wish to do that too but I am stuck in this crippling state of depression with no way out.

My demons come back keep me up, eating away at me from the inside and I am not alright because I do not belong in this happiness with them but I want to so I isolate my flaws and pretend to be someone else. Just for the sake of not being alone but I have never felt more alone then I do now and I wish to be happy but I am not! "Jaewhan" they scream at me and I laugh but it seems synthetic just like my life, fake, I am a fake, a fraud, and a liar I deserve it all.

End of flash back:

Hakyeon P.O.V.:

I left the room to go into the living room trying to cool my emotions because I don't know what happen to him it is like one day he just stopped caring, like it was just something in him died, he didn't care anymore my happy virus was gone. I start to cry he is the only person I have ever loved and I need him. he is my person but it seems as though he is gone and was replaced by a robotic look alike and it scares me. Smash! I throw a little vase at the wall feeling helpless at seeing him like this and as his boyfriend I can't do anything and I am scared that he might be gone forever crash grabbing the remote from the couch and I hit the window creating a crack. I am useless to him I slide down the blue wall of the living room wall as sit and cry because I can't say anything to help him.