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001. angsty sessions; you being kylo's shoulder to lean on when his insecurities grow too heavy for him to bear alone.
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EVERYTHING ACHED; from the inside of his empty chest currently feeling as though a rising fire was burning the tattered walls of it to his crippling self esteem loosing even more parts of itself as each lousy attempt he took to mimic his grandfather was labeled as a failure by everyone, it all ached. Kylo Ren felt drained both physically and emotionally, the bitter sting he forced himself to endure each time the snow harshly slapped him across his scarred face didn't aid the pain one bit and on purpose. His mask seemed to serve as a make shift shield from the cold weather, he had ended up deciding that.
Y/F/N was the only audience given the privilege to witness the tragic ordeal occurring in the lonely, snow flake tainted, forest residing right outside the base. Her presence situated at the entrance of the parked ship was immediately detected by the, ironically fragile, Knight of Ren within seconds; not allowing her the ample amount of time to thoroughly process what was going behind Kylo's withering facade but she didn't need that time.
"Is there something you need, Y/N?" Her full name replacing the usual nickname that swiftly rolled off his venomous tongue whenever he addressed her put her off a tad but not enough to dishearten her from taking three long and dangerous steps away from the ship and towards the man who has had a whole villages slaughtered out of spite.
Kylo only pushed himself to avert his gaze from the ground where his boot clad feet were firmly digging into the thick snow blanket when her silence lasted more than it normally would. Y/N not muttering a word, actually remaining speechless when with him, was an odd scene that Kylo wasn't used to ever seeing and was afraid of being apart of.
Yet, when he glanced over at her through the eyes of his mask, it surprised him that there was actually nothing to fear. No, instead, he was met with the beautiful sight of her soft features and her gentle hands finding themselves to the sides of his bulky mask. Attempting her best to gently pull it off of him, while focusing both on balancing on her tippy toes and not causing any harm to the man under the mask, she successfully did so after a couple of hectic seconds.
Kylo's lanky stature stiffened under the bundle of black he bore when her Y/E/C eyes fell upon his freshly scarred face, unwillingly feeling self-conscious about the crimson mark etched upon his once boyish face once again. He was fully aware that with the number of weeks that have passed, he should've have gotten over the insecurity he had of her seeing his face with the evidence of his lost that day permanently laid upon it.
"It's healing." Y/N lovingly whispered, ripping him from his self-loathing thoughts and back into the real world. She tried to ignore how he flinched when the skin of her palms rested upon his face, the pad of her thumb idly grazing the raised skin of the scar while her face remained void of any sign of disgust he imagined she could have for him.
"Yes, it is, isn't it?" The icyness of his own eyes never met the warmth of hers as he constantly avoided any chance of eye contact between them, too ashamed to look her in the eye with the topic at hand. "There'd be nothing to heal if I would have been competent enough to defend myself from that damned force user." He bitterly snapped, though, his frustration was directed at only himself not her.
"You did good, Ky." Y/N reassured him, an act she was finding herself doing a lot since she took on the task of being his lover. "You were brilliant, even."
"I was not-"
"Kylo, you did the best you could, even Snoke agreed." Those last three words were enough to make him slightly relax, his once tense shoulders relaxing while he allowed a frown to crawl onto his lips, finally allowing a sense of emotion to show through. "C'mon, this scar doesn't even look that bad. You seem to make it work." The genuine compliment was worthy enough to earn a slight upturn of the corner of his flushed lips, a rare sight that Y/N made sure to fully enjoy before it was gone once again.
"It's getting cold, you should go inside." Kylo hesitantly advised after a few seconds of silence, finally finding it in him to bring his large hands up to touch her, only allowing himself to briefly place them at her shoulders before he stepped away from away. That was all he needed, though. A brief touch to let him know that she was as real as him and all his was all he needed.
And she knew this, she knew how much he had ended up depending on her without meaning to. She knew about his late night moments when he's asleep, a nightmare tainting his rest and his arms helplessly searching for her within their shared bed. She knew this attachment to her and many other things that only made her want him more.
Glancing up at him with doe eyes she knew he couldn't resist, she flashed her best toothy smile and held a hopeful hand out to him. "Come with me."
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this is short but a preview of what's to come. it wasabrupt ending, I know I know, but I wanted to get something out before I got discouraged to log off for a million more years. as always, leave requests 🌚
