Summer 2015
August 10:
Everybody came over for my birthday and we rode the four wheelers. It was late at night and you had given me a sketch book and sketching pencils. I had Saige draw the first picture , she drew a man. The second picture, I drew and it was of you. I couldn't get the proportions right because the way the light was hitting your face made you look sort of angry but you weren't angry you were happy.Your hair was beautiful and it flowed in a spiral of brown and caramel.
Angela told me that you were gay and I was shocked. I wasn't shocked that you were gay I was shocked that everyone else knew before me and I was your best friend.
Later in August:
I slept over your house.
Saige slept over too and we decided to camp out in your backyard because it was a really nice night. Your dad put up the tent and we ran to it with bundles of blankets in our arms. You had this light projector that made stars shine all around the tent. We played music and we all talked. We laid down eventually and I remember you being really happy. You smiled and I for the first time took in the entirety of your face. Your eyes are a light shade of blue grey and they have little speckles in them of white and deep blue. You had gotten your braces off and your teeth were all shiny and straight. Your face was so beautiful. I wanted to kiss you.
This is when I fell in love with you.
October 2015
I'm still helplessly in love with you. We had been going to writing club after school with everyone. You told me what Tumblr was and I made an account. I found out that you had been cutting yourself and that you had trouble looking at yourself in the mirror. I had no idea. I realized then how much you never told me. I had told a few people about how I wanted to kiss you and how you made me feel that night at your house. Someone told you that, and you asked me about it. I told you it was true and we didn't talk about it again. I went to pmp with Krystal and we told you about it. The next week you decided to go. I told you I loved you after pmp one night, when you were getting into your dads car and you told me you loved me too. I smiled, I didn't expect you to say it back.
December 2015
You started talking about a girl you met on tumblr, her name is Theresa. You never told me you guys were dating because as Krystal stated, "you knew I still liked you and didn't want to hurt my feelings."
January 2016:
You started dating in January and still you never told me anything.
March 2016:
In march my uncle was becoming unbearable to live with. Constantly being yelled at and told that you are the reason for his problems isn't fun. I needed places to stay for a few nights and you were nice enough to let me stay.
April 2016:
We had been practicing songs to perform for Grey lock Talks and we learned I hate you I love you by gnash, the day we performed it was also the last meet up for pmp and you and Krystal stopped talking to me. I messaged Angela and she told me she didn't know why. Ten minutes later she was jumping down my throat telling me horrible things that I did. She said I never complimented her and that made her upset and that this had been going on for months and I was so selfish I didn't realize all I had been doing to everyone. She said that all I did was use people and according to you I never appreciated anything, according to you I never let you talk to Theresa and I never supported you. You told me I was selfish and that all I do is ruin your life. I didn't go tos cool the next day and all of you talked about me and shared horrible things I had done to you all. You said I was avoiding my problems by not coming to school. I texted your mom and told her to realize what you were doing to me.
She told me that if I was trying to convince her how horrible her daughter was I didn't have to be your friend anymore.Eventually Krystal and Saige realized that I hadn't done any of what everyone was saying I did. It was them and me against you and everyone else. I snapped and yelled at you and I called you a lot of horrible things because I was in love with you and you were being taken from me. Angela was taking you from me. I was mad at her but I took it out on you.
We signed restraining orders against each other. No talking to or about each other. I cried signing it and you never looked anything but mad and tired.
Summer 2016
I spent all my time working or being drunk. I would get drunk and cry over you because you are all I have ever wanted. I didn't care that you said mean things about me...
