Downward Spiral

Chapter One (Aleksandra)

5:00 AM on Monday morning comes way to fast and before I know it it's time to get up for school. I lay in my room for about twenty minutes because I don't have to be up until 5:45. Three of the walls in my room are turquoise and one is this black chalk board stuff, but they all look the same because it's so dark in here. My bed is farthest from my door, because I have a strange fear of doors. My desk is across from my dresser that has my laptop on it and that's usually where I do my homework. My dresser is next to my bedroom door, unfortunately, and there are two windows in my room, one on each side of my bed.

Its 5:30 so I guess I should start getting ready for school. I get out of bed, and fix my sheets and blankets. When my bed is made neatly, I walk over to my dresser and grab the clothes I picked out last night for today. I pick out my clothes the night before I actually wear them because my mom hates it when I'm trying to figure out what t-shirt to wear in the morning. Today, I chose one to wear of my many Panic! At The Disco t-shirts to go with my black skinny jeans and my black vans. Picking out my outfits is usually quite simple because I wear black jeans and a band t-shirt every single day. But, sometimes choosing between bands is quite difficult and it has taken me almost an hour once to pick a shirt. Mom doesn't really like my choice of dark clothing but she just kind of ignores it. She used to try to make me wear bright colored clothes and skirts and all the super girly stuff, but I'm pretty sure she has given up.

Now, that I have told you all this I guess I should tell you the important stuff. My boyfriend, best friend, and I go to Bear Mountain High in Aspen, Colorado. Also, my name is Aleksandra Garner, but I much prefer to be called Aleks. My boyfriend's name is Tyler James, he's six feet tall. Finally, my best friend's name is Alexyss Russo. We have all been friends since about third grade, we haven't always been best friends though. There's been times when I've hated Alexyss for some things, and there's been times when Tyler has hated me for somethings. Alexyss and Tyler have always disliked each other though, they used to always fight and argue but now they've gotten better.

Anyway, I know you may not want to hear about my morning routine but I'm going to briefly describe it to you. My mom makes breakfast every morning, but she never makes the same thing two days in a row. Today's breakfast is toast, eggs, bacon, and orange juice. My mom is a really good cook; I've never had anything that has tasted bad because of something she did. Of course, she's made things I didn't like but that's because I'm a very picky eater. Mornings at my house are usually very quiet because it's just my mom and I now. As I eat my breakfast, I finally start to realize all of the empty chairs, next to my mom and I, that never get used anymore. My dad and my brother used to sit there, although it has been 11 years since my brother sat in his spot next to me and one year since dad has sat in his spot next to mom. Most people think my dad and brother left us, but they both died and it kind of hurts to tell people.

My dad died in a car accident a year ago while he was driving home from work. He had been calling my mom to let her know he would be a little bit late for dinner, when he hit a pothole and lost control of his car. He ended up crashing into an oncoming gravel train, which didn't end well for either of them. He had crashed into the truck when he was going 75 miles an hour and the truck was going 65 miles an hour. By colliding with this gravel train, he caused the trailers to collide which made the truck tip over onto my dad's car. So, by the time the ambulances got there he was already dead but the truck driver was unconscious.

We had planned his funeral several days later, but obviously there wasn't a body there because it had been crushed. So many people were crying, which is normal for funerals but they kept coming to me and hugging me. I didn't know what to do, so I just stood there awkwardly as everyone hugged me and cried into my shoulder for hours. I hate crying, especially in front of people, it makes me feel extremely weak. Why do people cry anyway? There really isn't a point to crying, but there also really isn't a point to anything we do. Anyway, back to the crying people at the funeral, I didn't know over half of the people who hugged me but I at least tried to be sympathetic towards them. I didn't want to believe that he was actually dead, I kept thinking that he was okay and that this was all fake. That when we went home afterwards he'd be sitting on the couch watching TV or reading a book or something, but when I got home no one was there.

My brother died when I was little as well. Mom and dad always told me that he died of natural causes because I was five. But just recently, mom told me what really happened to him. Apparently, his best friend got really upset about him dating the girl that this guy liked a lot and he murdered him. Why you would murder someone just for dating someone, I'll never understand. But, he and this girl had been dating for just about two years when his best friend had gotten sick of watching them always be together, laughing, talking, hugging. The day before their two-year anniversary, he snapped and killed both my brother and the girl. So, because of his anger he didn't get to see this anonymous girl ever again and he has to live with the grief of killing his best friend.

My mom and I usually don't talk in the mornings before school, especially not about my brother or my dad, because 5:45 is a bit too early to start a conversation with someone. The only thing that gets said usually in the morning is when I thank mom for breakfast. I finished my breakfast and put my plate, fork, and cup in the dishwasher, thanked mom, and headed to my room. My morning routine is far from interesting, I know, but it's what I do every single morning. My mom doesn't allow me to sleep later than 6:00 AM unless it's really necessary.

My long brown hair takes forever to brush. My hair goes down to my hips, I really should get it cut but I don't want it any shorter. After, I take five to ten minutes to brush out my hair, I braid it. Braiding it takes forever and makes my arms hurt. Finally, I finished braiding my long hair and I grabbed a headband. My braid is sort of like Elsa's braid in the movie, Frozen, except the braid starts above my left ear, wraps around my head, and ends below my right ear. The completed braid isn't much shorter than the actual length of my hair though. I've always wondered if I should cut my hair short or not, I don't want to but I wonder if I'd actually look okay with short hair. My mom would never let me cut my hair any shorter than the middle of my back anyways though so I guess it doesn't matter.

I brush my teeth and make sure I at least look semi decent because I'm ugly so I can't look pretty or cute or anything like that. My braces and glasses just add to my ugliness. Also, I'm really short, I'm four feet and eight inches tall, everyone is taller than me. I really wish I were taller, but no only my brother got to be tall. You'd think I would be tall though because my mom is almost six feet tall and my dad was six and a half feet tall. But, no, I had to be the short one in my family.

After I have checked my appearance and made sure I had everything I needed for school, I put my shoes on, grabbed my backpack, and walked downstairs. My mom was waiting for me at the door and we walked out to the car together.