Downward Spiral

Chapter Six (Tyler)

I caught her just as she lost her balance and fell off of the counter. I carry her in my arms into the living room and drop her on the couch. She laughs as I drop her because she apparently expected me to do that.

"Don't ever scare me like that ever again, Aleksandra," I say, playfully scolding her. I'm the only person who calls her Aleksandra all the time, I rarely ever call her Aleks.

"I most likely will," She says.

"Now, let's try that again? Maybe without falling this time?" I tease.

"But falling was the best part, life's no fun if you don't fall every once in a while,"

"Was it?" I don't know why, but I always ask that.

"Yes, very," She's so cute, I can't believe I'm dating her.

"So uh how about we go eat those pancakes now?" I'm so awkward.

"Oh yeah, ha ha I forgot about those," She's so cute, I love her so much.

We walk back into the kitchen and I grab the cups from the cupboard so she can pour the orange juice without falling this time. I help her carry the juice and pancake toppings to the breakfast bar and we sit down and eat our pancakes. I almost forgot how awkward eating here is since they don't talk during meals.

After Aleksandra and I finished our pancakes, we went upstairs to watch a movie in her room. I let her pick the movie, and she ends up picking Mean Girls­. Which happens to be the worst movie ever but if she wants to watch it then I'll live. I end up watching her instead of the movie, anyway, but still I really do hate this movie. She says she loves it though so I'm not going to tell her how much I hate this movie.

Aleksandra seems to be quite sleepy lately, by the end of the movie she had fallen asleep with her head on my chest and hugging a blanket. She's so cute when she sleeps, and when she's not sleeping. I love her so much, but I don't know how to tell her. I'm so awkward, I can't even talk to her let alone tell her how much I love her. I really wish I could tell her, but I have no one to ask on how I tell her how much I love her and how she's what's keeping me alive.

Before I know it, I fall asleep hugging Aleksandra. I have the weirdest dream ever.

Aleksandra is crying for a reason unknown to me. She's sitting on her bed, curled up against the wall next to the bed. I'm standing in the door way trying to move forward but I can't move. Why can't I move? I need to go talk to her and find out what's wrong. I need to comfort her and tell her that everything is going to be okay, if she just fakes a smile and keeps going. If I can't move, I guess I could try speaking to her. I keep trying to talk to her, but no words come out. I can't talk, I can't move, what can I do? Just stand here and watch her cry for some unknown reason?

Wait, she's moving. She walks across her room and opens the top drawer of her desk. She grabs a sharp pocket knife out of the drawer. No. She can't. She better not be doing what I think she's doing. No, no, no, no, no. Aleksandra put it away. That's a bad habit. Don't do it. Please, no, put it away. Just get rid of it. It kills me to watch this but I can't move and I can't close my eyes, all I can do is stand here in the doorway and watch.

I watch as she walks back over to her bed and opens the knife. She's wearing shorts and it appears that this is the very first time she's tried to do anything like this. She picks up the open knife and brings it to her thigh. No, Aleksandra, no. She continues crying as she looks at the cut she has just made on her thigh and goes to make another. Why is she doing this? She's always been so happy and positive. She'd never do anything like this, who did this to her? I swear I'll kill them. How could anyone do something so bad to her to make her be like this? Like me. She can't be like me; she's going to try to end her life if she keeps going. She can't do that. She can't kill herself. I don't want that for her, she can do so well in life.

Her getting up pulls me away from my thoughts. She walks across the room and places the knife back in the drawer she got it from. Then, she turns around looking for something. She must've heard something.

Beforeanything else can happen, I jump awake and see that I have started to wakeAleksandra up.