Life and Death

Stage Fright

I have just finished getting changed, when I hear the voices outside the changing rooms. "...music, performing our songs. You know, she might put them on twitter. She did that to the other class." Suddenly, a knot of panic forms in my chest. I can't do this- I cant sing in front of the whole entire class! I enjoy singing, but not in front of people.

By the time I arrive at the music studio, I am shaking all over. I can feel my eyes stinging- I'm about to burst into tears. I try to hold them in, but it's no use. I try not to draw too much attention to myself. I feel my tears sliding down my cheeks. One somehow makes its way into my mouth, and I can taste the saltiness.

In class, I am crying on and off. Group after group goes up to perform. My group is up after two others. Butterflies flutter in my stomach, and I begin to cry once more. The teacher beckons me over, to ask what's wrong. I walk over, forgetting with my sleeves, trying to cry quietly. I can't answer quietly. I end up mouthing something incomprehensive. How she understands it, I will never know. She tells me that a girl in the previous class had a panic attack.

When I have sat back down, I remember something I once read in a book. About alter egos. Someone said that Beyonce had stage fright, so she invented an alter ego for herself- someone she could pretend to be when she was on stage. However, there is a problem. I cannot think up my own character in such a shirt amount of time. Luckily, this song is quite long, but I still need to think of something.

Finally, I have an idea. The book I am reading right now - 'Anne of Greengables'. Anne Shirley, the main character is an outspoken girl a little younger than me. She doesn't care what she says to who. I put myself in her shoes. Its difficult, I don't have a very good imagination, but it works to some extent. I complete my solo part without to many problems. Afterwards, I cry again. But this time, I am crying with relief.