Sunday Waitressing

Using informal and mainly neutral SE terms

No that's fine, go ahead and stand right in the middle of the doorway, you're right in the way, but that's fine. I'll run you over with this tray. Kidding. I'll go the long way around.

"Hi, everyone! My name i-"

"I want a pint of Ghostship, she'll have a diet coke."

Did you seriously just interrupt me while I was introducing myself? I don't know you, sir, but that's just going to make me hate you for the rest of the meal. Wait...maybe you're not that bad, although it would be helpful if you were a bit more mindful of how busy we are right now. Don't get me wrong, I'd love to spend time with my customers and get to know you guys. However, we are so busy today, and you can obviously tell that I'm supposed to be 10 places at once, please stop wasting my time I don't care about your road trip with the missus.

...

Oh my god, please let me leave the table, I promise ill come back when you eventually decide what you want. Can't you hear the bell? That's the chef, he needs me to run the food and I can't leave your table until I get the other half of your indecisive families order.

Okay, okay, I'm here. Jesus Christ, these plates are hot! Quickly, quickly, table 16 was it?

"A bacon and cheese burger and a roast lamb, well done? "

You've got to be kidding me. I'm holding very hot plates and this table of 15 has no idea what they ordered. Breathe Charlie. Say it again.

"Who's ordered the bacon and cheese burger and who's ordered the roast lamb?"

Smile. Ignore the sensation of your flesh burning away.

Finally. It's almost closing time. One more table to pay and then its home free.

...

The restaurant has closed, please leave. I should have been home an hour and half ago, but this last table is REFUSING to leave. They got here at three, they cashed out and gave me my tip by six, and are still here.

I'm sitting behind the bar with my manager, the bartender. We've mastered the art of passive aggression. If the restaurant is "closed" and you are done eating, then leave! Don't be rude. This is rude. They know we're waiting to close up for the night.

Thank god, they're gone. Finally.