The First Cut Is The Deepest

Chapter 6 {edited}

A few days later, I was out of the hospital. I turned up at school, and felt my butt being grabbed. The fuck? I turned around to see Alex stood behind me. Shit. 'What do you want?' I glared at him. Daring him to answer. 'Well we are together right baby?'. Fuck you Tom. 'Nope. Were not Alex. Sorry to let you down.'. I grinned at him. 'Come on.Kate. We all know you want a bit of...... This.' he struck a pose with his left  arm up in the air. I laughed at him. I struck one back. Hand on hip. Butt stuck out lips pouted together. 'And you, Mr Smith want this.' I walked off and swayed my hips. 'Oh yes. Oh yes'. Was his muttered reply.

*later that day*

After school, Alex and I went back to my house to watch movies. He had his arm wrapped protectively around my shoulders and his lips pressed to.my head. All I could think about was how perfect this was and how perfect Alex was and the more time I spent with him, the more I wanted him. But I had to leave the day after tomorrow. And I'd never see him again. Alex left at around 11:00 pm and I lay back in my bed and pulled my duvet to my face and inhaled deeply. Alex smelt so nice. I fell asleep, burying myself in his scent.

I woke up to Sam obviously drunk running, well stumbling, around my room, quoting some film. Seeing my eyes open, he pulled my duvet off of me and revealed a short black dress with the chest a seductive red lace. 'For you m'lady' he slurred. 'For me?' I questioned. 'Yes wear it today for school. And before you ask why. I know you had a guy around here last night. For him. For Alex.'

I stood just outside school, pulling down the dress a little bit. I spotted Alex and made my way to him. He was walking away from.me but I dont think he'd realised I had arrived. He turned a corner and I followed. Alex. The guy I thought I loved. The guy I thought loved me. Pushing Kamila against the wall whilst he kissed and bit her neck whilst she moaned. Quite loudly actually. I gasped and I felt my eyes tear up and almost instantly, I couldnt see. 'Kate. I can... I can explain'. Alex whispered when he saw me stood there. Instead I turned and ran.

I ran home. I sprinted up the stairs to my room, slammed the door and sunk down against it and cried. Kamila. And Alex. Kamila. And Tom. My mind flashed to when Sam used to cut his arms with razor blades and knives. I never stopped him. Otherwise, he would hit me. But I knew where he kept them: in a plastic bag, tucked down behind the toilet in the bathroom so no-one would find them. I didnt register that I had visited the bathroom, retrieved the bag, walked back to my room and sat down on.my bed. I took out one of the three blades that were there and flipped it in.my hands. Somewhere on.my neck would kill me. Somewhere. I wasnt experienced with this stuff. I walked to my mirror to get a better view. I was ugly, grey-green eyes, void of emotion, brown hair, I used to be fat. Before I stopped eating. In my own opinion I was still too fat but Jake made me eat. Little did he know I just threw it up once he had let me leave to my room. I was littered in scars from Sam's beatings but this would be my first self-inflicted scar. I lifted the blade to my neck and wondered where to cut. I remember that first one. A short and deep but sweet cut across the right side of my neck, halfway up. I still have that scar now. And I'm proud of it. Of my cutting.