꒰ SENSES ✔️ ꒱ - CHANGKI ˎˊ˗

4. touch

This is what it means to be loved... when someone wants to touch you, to be tender...

― Banana Yoshimoto, The Lake

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EDITED - 6 MAY 2020

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"It's weird," Changkyun mumbled, gazing down at his hand that was being held by Kihyun's, their fingers interlaced. By the obvious blush spread across his cheeks, Kihyun understood that the younger was more or less embarrassed. "I really don't know how to feel about that."

Kihyun let go of him after a few more seconds. "Is it any different than holding a girl's hand?"

The ashy blond shrugged. "I've only held my best friend's hand... But I guess this felt different. It was more special in a way." Kihyun smiled because of Changkyun's statement.

"What concerns me, is that boys shouldn't do that."

"Why?" Kihyun tilted his head.

Through the whole day he was trying to get answers to similar questions because Changkyun was really trying to change in the sake of the pink haired boy, but his way of thinking was still off. Even Changkyun was getting angry that he was like that, he was realizing that he was being way too close minded.

"Doesn't that make them gay? Or a couple in general or..." Most of his answers were making Kihyun want to giggle, though, he couldn't because they were talking seriously and he thought that Changkyun would've gotten even more uncomfortable.

"You were holding my hand just a moment ago. Did it make you gay?" Changkyun shook his head. "And did it make us a couple?" He received the same gesture by Changkyun. "Exactly. You see, it's accepted that when a boy and a girl are holding hands they're automatically a couple, when two boys hold hands - they're gay, but if two girls hold hands - they're just good friends. But sometimes it's not like that. Remember that night when you saw me holding Hoseok's hand?"

Changkyun nodded. "It's not because there's anything more between us. I was just building up courage and holding someone's hand really helps."

After that being said, silence followed for a few minutes. The younger grabbed Kihyun's hand again, making the latter's heart skip a beat.

"What if I like holding your hand just because?" Changkyun looked at Kihyun.

"You just do it, because I like holding yours, too." Kihyun rested his head on Changkyun's shoulder, smiling.

For a while Changkyun was thinking about everything Kihyun said, understanding how right he was. He ended up resting his head on Kihyun's, his grip on the older's hand getting tighter.

He wasn't even going to lie to himself, he just had to accept the fact that he was probably starting to like Kihyun because he felt weirdly comfortable with him. And maybe letting go of his prejudices was helping him find out more about himself and what kind of a person he was.

It hadn't been a short time for him to realize it. It wouldn't be a short time for him to learn to live with that either.

What he knew for sure was that he felt attached to Kihyun in a way more special than just being his friend.

Kihyun was so delicate and perfect - just like a flower. Changkyun was convinced that there was no way anyone could not fall in love with him. The thought of that happening seemed so unrealistic.

"But let's just assume I like you," Changkyun spoke again, bringing Kihyun's attention to himself again. "Does that make me gay?"

"If it will help you sleep at night - no. Not necessarily. Bisexuals exist. And not only they. Why?" Kihyun looked up at Changkyun and positioned himself better, so they were at the same eye level.

"Because I might like you," Changkyun mumbled out as fast as he could. His whole face immediately flushed red.

"Are you sure?" Kihyun raised his eyebrows.

The younger nodded, making Kihyun want to squeal because of how happy he suddenly felt. Changkyun's hand slowly and shakily cupped the latter's cheek, brushing his thumb against it.

They pressed their foreheads together, their noses brushing against each other the slightest bit.

Changkyun was going to lie if he said that all of this felt wrong. It was more than right.

Being with Kihyun was right although he was a boy. He just brought a feeling of warmth and safety. And most importantly - home.

--

Changkyun lifted himself up from the bed, so he was sitting, and quickly checked the time. His eyes widened as he saw that it was 11PM and he was still at Kihyun's. He had no idea how fast time flew, but, for sure, it wasn't a speed that the blond currently liked.

He quietly got up and took his hoodie. He was about to head out of the room, but, apparently, Kihyun was awake, too, and Changkyun felt like a person who mysteriously got in someone's bed after getting drunk at a bar.

"Where are you going?" Kihyun murmured sleepily.

"It's late, I have to go home."

"Stay here, it's too late." Kihyun patted the still warm place Changkyun was previously lying on.

Changkyun's hand was already on the handle, but he was having an internal monologue, asking himself if he should stay.

The older looked so peaceful and Changkyun really wanted to spend the night with him. He let go of the handle with a sigh, leaving his hoodie on a chair again, and lied down next to Kihyun.

Kihyun wrapped his arms around Changkyun's waist, burying his face in his chest. Though his heartbeat was fast, it was calming. Kihyun was glad that he was able to make the boy's heart race like that. Or his heart just usually beat fast.

"I'm so thankful I met you, Kihyun." Changkyun started stroking the other's pink hair gently. "You know how hard I'm trying to change. I can't even believe you actually decided to talk to me again, not to mention helping me open my eyes. And if it wasnt you, I wasn't going to fall in love any time soon."

Kihyun's quiet giggles were muffled because of Changkyun's T-shirt. "You're so sweet."

"I'm not."

"Of course you'd say that."

--

Kihyun woke up screaming and crying because of a nightmare. He was wondering how was it even possible that he almost never had nightmares, but when Changkyun was sleeping over for the first time, he had to have one.

He tried calming down as soon as he felt arms wrapped strongly around him and the warmth of Changkyun's breath against his own skin.

"Changkyun," he cried out, hugging the younger.

"I'm here," Changkyun spoke softly. "It was just a nightmare, you're okay. Everything is fine."

He started pressing kisses against Kihyun's forehead and cheeks, hoping that would calm him down at least a bit. They sat like that for a while, hugging each other and resting their chins on each other's shoulders with their eyes closed. Changkyun was soothingly rubbing Kihyun's back, humming quietly.

"Are you feeling better?" Changkyun asked.

"I think so," Kihyun sniffled.

The blond pecked the corner of Kihyun's lips. "Don't think about it. Just go back to sleep. You're safe as long as you're with me."

Thanks to Changkyun, Kihyun was asleep in no time in his arms. Maybe he was going to consider having more nightmares in the future.