Between the Broken Lines

Out of The Rabbit Hole and Into the Grave

Every Night & every Morn
Some to Misery are Born
Every Morn & every Night
Some are Born to sweet delight
Some are Born to sweet delight
Some are Born to Endless Night

- William Blake

I parked the SUV beneath a canopy of tress, hoping that its shadows would provide us additional protection from straying eyes. I lay my head back as I breathed out a drawn out sigh, realizing that it would be some time before Newtie and Von were done.

We had a long night ahead of us.

"Is it bad?"

I turned my head to the passenger seat, ever so slightly and stared at Fadi, mildly surprised that he had spoken. He hadn't said a word since the Mansion, so little so I had barely felt his presence. He had just stared placidly at the road before us, undoing and redoing a cigarette between his fingers. But now, his face was carved into hard lines of concern and his golden eyes drilled into mind pointedly.

"Hmm? Oh... No, we're going to be fine now. It's been taken care of," I kept a soft tone, not wanting to worry him. His mind was shaky enough without compunction.

He averted his gaze to the perfectly re-attached cigarette twirling between his long, pianist fingers. He shook his head and clarified his question. "I meant what we did... Is it bad?" He asked once more, his voice tight.

I turned my head away from him, placing it against the cold window and watched as my breath condensed against it. I didn't know what to tell him. No right words and no right ideas. It was a question I was still asking myself and I was still convincing myself that I hadn't meant for any of it to happen. None of us did.
That we were defending ourselves. But I couldn't shake this nagging voice in my head that said that it could've been avoided.

He was alive and breathing and we had no right.

It could've been avoided and we had no right.

It made me feel sick to my stomach.

"Shit Fad, I don't know." I leaned my head against the steering wheel, hoping it would release the nausea. Yes, I wanted to say, what we did was horrible, but I found no point in dignifying his question. It would only make a bad situation that much worse.

And without preamble, he laughed. He laughed like a child on Christmas Day. He laughed like he did a week ago.

I shot up and stared at him. There was humor in his eyes and a crooked smile stretched across his face as if there wasn't a trouble in the world.

"You okay, buddy?" I asked warily, feeling a prick of fear creating ripples in my chest. He simply shook his head and gave off a soft chuckle. "Soulmates. What does that really mean? Does it mean that we each own half a soul which is only compatible with one specific other? Does it have to be completed for us to be transformed into our true selves, or does it act more... Mutualistic? Like we are ourselves until we attract another identical and completely different individual and need only share what we already own, like two hydrogen atoms sharing each other's electrons?"

His voice was song-like as he waived his hands around incomprehensibly. It wasn't unlike Fad to act so strange, in fact he was known for his... Peculiarity- for the lack of a more appropriate word, but there were always moments when he acted too out of tune. Too unstable. Anxiety rolled through me in waves as I watched him.

With his inexplicable grin still intact, he reached out and tapped my nose lightly. "Don't look at me like that," he said plainly.

I scrunched my nose and let through a small smile, suddenly finding his wry disposition comical. "Don't look at you like what?"

"Like I'm of unsound mind."

"You are of unsound mind."

He shrugged and laughed, tipping his head back slightly. "Yes, I know, but you need not emphasize it."

And as if commonplace, he kicked off his shoes and away went his socks. I didn't bother ask what he was doing, I doubt he knew half the time. Instead, I just watched in amusement as he leaned back against his seat and placed his bare feet against the windshield.

"Come now! Let us bare our soles to the world so as to laugh and dismay as we will. Free of our internal restrictions and self-taught rules!" Humor and laughter slipped into his sing-song voice, and I forgot the terror and trauma of the past week. Forgot the pain and the guilt and the running. All because Fadi the 'Freak' decided to have a laugh. I couldn't help the grin that stretched my face.

"Let me guess," I said affably, as I rolled my eyes. "Pun intended?"

He rewarded me with a smirk and winked at me whimsically. "I'm sure," he said playfully. "I do not know what you mean."