My little drummer boy *Lashton*

Forever My Father

*Kind of sad chapter. I realize things are getting kind of down hill but I needed some Lashton support cuddles. And just bare with me for the sadness because Luke does break soon*

Ashton was upset. He couldnt believe he had fucked up that bad with Luke. Even though it had been 3 days since the incident, he still felt embarrassed around Luke. He felt like punching himself for hoping. He was clinging on to the tiniest shred of hope that Luke was gay, or at least bi, and that maybe he would like him back. But Luke is straighter than a goddamned ruler, and Ashton doesnt even know why he would even /fathom/ the thought that Luke wasnt strictly into girls. He shook his head, ridding himself of the plaguing thoughts as Luke came in. Speak of the devil and he shall appear. "Hey." Ashton greeted tightly as Luke walked into the kitchen to get food. That boy was always eating. Ashton thought it was cute. Luke thought it was one of the reasons Ashton didnt like him in /that way./ "Plans for the day?" Luke asked, sitting next to Ashton on the couch with a bag of crisps. Ashton reached into the bag and grabbed a handful, shoving it into his mouth. "Get your own!" Luke laughed, flicking Ashton in the head. Ashton laughed, doing that little gasping for breath noise thing that he always did. Luke liked it. He thought it was cute. Ashton hated it. He thought it was weird. "Concert in an hour, then home. Nothing for the rest of the day." Ashton answered. Luke nodded, chewing a chip slowly. He swallowed. "We should wake the other boys." He said, standing up. "Come on." He jerked his head towards Micheal and Calums room. Ashton obliged, getting up. They both walked into the room at the same time, staring at the boys cuddling on the bed. Luke snapped a quick photo. "Lets yell really loud until they wake up." Ashton suggested, for no reason other than the fact that he gets to be loud. "1, 2, 3." Luke whispered. They both emitted an ear piercing scream. Calum and Micheal jumped up instantly. "Holy fucking hell who died?!" Micheal yelled, clutching his head. "No one. We have a concert in an hour and you need to get up." Ashton shrugged, turning and leaving the room. A laughing Luke followed him. "Im gonna take a shower." Ashton told Luke, grabbed a towel from the linen closet. Luke nodded, going out to the living room to watch some tellie. Ashton played Pandora on his iPod as he turned on the hot water. He stripped down and looked at himself in the mirror. He nodded to himself, happy with his look. He wasnt fat, nor was he scrawny. He stepped into the shower, flinching slightly, but the hot water felt good on his skin. Speaking of, that song was playing on Pandora. Ashton liked that song. It made him feel better about himself. He liked showers too, they let him think. Let him think about Luke and not feel like he was being judged. "Cause they dont even know you, all they see is scars. They dont see the angel, living in you heart. Let them find the real you, buried deep within, let them know with all youve got that you are not your skin." Ashton sung loudly. He wasnt afraid to sing, he knew he could. He didnt care about people hearing him. He let the conditioner stay in a bit longer than usual as he thought about Luke. Why didnt Luke like him? Was he not good enough? Did he disgust people? He had always thought he was good looking. Everyone had always told him he was. What if the people on twitter were right: What if he was ugly, and fat, and bad at singing and playing dru- he stopped his thoughts. He couldnt think like this, not before a concert. He rinsed his hair out and dried off, changing into a pair of black skinny jeans and his Marvel tank top. His hair hung limp around his face, sticking to it. Ashton hated that feeling. Ashton hated a lot of things about himself. He allowed these thoughts to plague his mind through most of the drive to the concert, and then even during the concert while he was pounding his feeling out into the drums. He thought he did well, he didnt miss a beat or a note, he didnt break down even though he felt like it. It was only until they were making their way back into the hotel did something finally crack. As normal, the fans were there, screaming their names. "I love you Ashton! Youre adorable!" One girl screeched at him. That made Ashton smile. It made him feel better. But then he saw it. There was a cute little boy sitting on his dads shoulders, one hand tangled in the fathers dark brown hair and the other waving at the boys. Ashton wanted that, well he did, when he was little. Why couldnt his father just stay? It was all his fault. It had been a downward spiral since Ashton since he mistaked Luke as gay. Then he heard it. "Ashton youre so gross! You dont deserve to be in the band! Youre just a stupid drummer." That was the comment that sent him spiraling over the edge. The boys didnt hear it. They never heard anything. Ashton made a mad dash inside the hotel. He didnt bother with the elevator, the boys could catch him. Theyd confine him in that small box, ask him what happened, why he had run away like a coward. Ashton felt stupid. He was overreacting, wasnt he? He just couldnt deal with the stress. By the time he got to their floor, his tears were mixing in with his sweat and he slammed the door open after shoving his key in. He stumbled over to the music room, where the boys kept their guitars and Ashton kept a drum set for practicing. There was also a piano, smack center in the middle. Ashton  made his way over to it. He dropped onto the bench, his fingers poised above familiar keys. He didnt even realize he was playing the tune to Forever My Father until the words tumbled out of his mouth, sad and heart wrenching. "You don't have to be so scared, you don't have to go tonight, I just need to hold on tight for one hell of a ride, and we lost it all just now to the nights that left you out, so we'll let this go somehow but you're gonna be proud." Ashton didnt hear the door open. "And I just needed you to pick me up, like you did when we were younger, when the lightning and the thunder had me clinging to your heart, for someone to lift me up when I'm down, when I'm forgotten you'll forever be my father and I'll be saving tears in jars for this one, how can I fit all these words, into such a simple verse, it's the last time that we'll speak, so listen to me please." He didnt pay attention to the guitar joining the smooth melody of the piano. "And I just needed you to pick me up, like you did when we were younger, when the lightning and the thunder, had me clinging to your heart, for someone, to lift me up, when I'm down, when I'm forgotten, you'll forever be my father, and I'll be saving tears in jars for this one." Ashton couldnt continue through the tears anymore. He just let himself cry, let his heart waste away. He didnt know why he was acting like this. Why he was acting so pathetic. It had just been a dark, dark day for him. Anything couldve triggered him. Luke set the guitar down and walked over to Ashton. He sat on the bench and lifted the light boy off the seat and onto his lap. Ashton turned his head into Lukes chest, continuing to cry. God, why did Ashton have to love Luke so much? It was Lukes fault. Luke needed to stop being so nice. "Shh shh, its okay, baby. Dont cry." Luke began to whisper sweet nothing into Ashtons ear, rubbing his back and kissing the top of his head repeatedly. Ashton slowly calmed down, till the sobs turned to hiccups, till the hiccups turned to snores. And Luke sat there until Ashton woke up in a few hours, just so he wouldnt wake up Ashton and send him into another sobfest. He sat there till it was dark outside, and dark in his heart, being consumed by thoughts of what happened to Ash. He hated seeing Ash cry. His back was stiff from sitting on the bench with no back, and his arms hurt from supporting Ashton. But he would do it. He would do anything for Ashton.

*Woo, longest, and saddest, chapter so far. but Ive seen worse, like when one of the members tried to kill themselves. Only a few more chapters, I promise. Just bare with me until then? I promise the story picks up from there*