Its been four months since my mom passed away or should I say, four months since she's been brutally murdered and that no one was to blame but me and my own stupidity.
Story of my life.
Apparently they held my "funeral" along with my mother's. The story they went with was that we died in some kind of car crash; I don't know the details of it or how they got people to actually believe that bullshit, but then again, the Cullen's are really good at this sort of thing I guess.
And speaking of those bloodsuckers, I've been living with them for almost two months now, the first few months I was sent away to go stay with their cousins in Denali, just to get me away from the shit that happened and so I could get use to the whole new born vampire thing.
But I'm sooo not use to it...It's true what they say. Your most deeming qualities as a human amplifies tenfold as a vamp. In my case that's both good and bad...very bad.
It's good in a sense because of my manipulative nature as a human. I can now make anyone do anything I want by just a single touch. It comes in handy sometimes, but it doesn't always work seeing as I don't have a good handle of things just yet.
And then the bad part: My hunger.
I use to eat a lot back then, but now it's just absolutely ridiculous. The Cullens took me out hunting a little more than four hours ago and I can already feel the burning sensation creeping into my throat as if I haven fed in days. So basically, whereas the Cullens for example, can go two weeks without feeding, I can barely go through a day seeing as I get extremely hungry every few hours.
It has gotten to the point where Carlisle had to smuggle blood transfusion bags out of the hospital and keep it for me in a mini fridge they had put into my room for when I felt like I really needed it, which was regularly.
They still take me out hunting once a day though, and since it's too much of a risk letting me out alone because of my lack of self-control, the majority of the Cullens have to go with me.
Like the pixie psychic, because she can see into the future so we'll be prepared if something were to go wrong, like a few unexpected hikers wandering around the woods for instance. Then there's the Hulk size Cullen that's the strongest of the bunch, and the quiet one has to tag along too because he can calm me down with however the hell his alien powers actually work. The mind reader has to be there too, not only because he's the fastest, but because he can tell whatever I'm thinking; which usually involves me wanting to run away.
Now don't get me wrong, living with them is not actually as bad as a bunch of werewolves would have you think it is, even though life with the pack was way better. It could have been worse, not by a lot, but still.
Carlisle and Esme annoy me the most because they make it really hard for me to hate them cause they're just so friggen nice and welcoming all the damn time. I guess I just hate the fact that they are actually making me like them.
Alice gets on my nerves because she's so hyper and perky all the time, but what annoys me the most is that she won't stop begging me for permission to dress me up in all the nice clothes she actually gone out and bought me.
Then there's Jasper who keeps a close eye on me and toys with my emotions whenever I get too angry, irritated or depressed. It's uncomfortable and just pisses me off even more.
Edward I just don't like because I hate the fact that he could always tell what was on my mind. With him around you couldn't keep any of your thoughts and feeling to yourself. It makes me feel so vulnerable and exposed.
Emmett annoys me the least I guess. I can't stand his teasing though, but he's cool if you want someone to watch a football game with or play some video games.
And then there's Rosalie. Her I like the best out of all the Cullens. Not only because she's a sarcastic bitch, but because she actually leaves me the fuck alone. Besides, she's the one to hang out with when you want someone to bitch about life with.
And as for my old life with the pack, it's all gone.
I haven't seen any of them since that night of my mother's murder, not even Paul. I can feel when he's a little closer by though, like when he's patrolling near the border, the pull towards him seems to get closer. It doesn't mean it hurts less being away from him for this long though.
As for my sister, I know she will never forgive me for what happened. I could tell by the look in her eyes...and the fact that she actually tried to rip me to shreds. If Paul and Jared hadn't been there...I don't think their law about not harming an imprint... or family would have stopped her.
Understandable considering the circumstances, but she didn't even give me time to explain that it's not what it looked like, sure I drained our mother's lifeless corpse dry, but I didn't kill her. She was already dead when I got there thanks to my dad, my real dad. Her blood was just driving me insane and I couldn't control myself.
Shit. I don't even want to know what my da...what John is going through. I ruined my entire family because of all the shitty choices I made, but I swear I'm going to find Bruce and I'm going to rip the bastard apart piece by piece. Even if it is the last thing I ever do.
But I guess from all that has happened, the worst parts about my screwed up life is that not only do I sparkle like a little diamond bitch but more so the fact that I will never be able to taste pizza again.
I did not think this shit through...
