Letters to You

Him

They say love is a blessing—
but on me, it is a curse,
crushing my soul so surely
that I despair of ever escaping
the cold depths of oblivion
that you have pulled me into.
It rises up at first
on light butterfly wings,
hopeful and soaring high
above my fracture heart.
Your face is enough to
brighten even a stormy day;
your smile brings the sun
shining through the murky clouds,
hopeful and warm, even
in the face of formidable opposition.

You are the moon,
hidden yet still beautiful,
unrecognized yet still seen—
for I see you, even there
among a brighter cluster of stars,
blazing with your own light,
though paling in contrast to
other stars, other suns.
But like the moon,
you are an elusive soul,
one I could never hope to reach.
Your smiles, so bright, are fleeting,
gone in an instant while I
am left behind to wonder
at the darkness in its wake.
Your face, turned away
from mine so often,
seems hidden by clouds
more often than not.
It is a dark night when I
lose my moon to see by;
apart from you, I am blind.

The darkness is soul-crushing,
all-encompassing and cold.
Sleepless nights are spent
waiting for the moon's return,
watching through the glare
of brighter, insignificant city lights
for its reappearance.
The mystery that is this
suffocating attraction, painful love,
latches onto my heart
and refuses to detach, for fear
or losing what I have gained.
But what have I really gained
other than pain and dependence?
Just one look at the
beauty that is your moonlit face,
the starlight shining in your eyes,
lights up my night
in a million more colors than
the daylight ever could show.

My heart is wrenched apart
at every glimpse that
I am allowed, the distance
between you and I—
for how could I ever
hope to compare to the moon?
Dark star to your
blazing supernova, I will
never amount to anything
worth your time or attention,
even should the world
purge itself of all
but the two of us.
My attractions are futile,
lost in the cacophony of
a world caught in turmoil,
arrogance and misery—
of which I find myself
in its very epicenter,
gazing out as you shine
beyond the winds of
my inner shame and insecurities.