Savages

11: Girlfriends and Boyfriends

Judit turned her back on Gaen and walked to the edge of the clearing. She sat on a rock with her arms folded, facing into the woods. She felt like a house on fire, noxious choking smoke filling her insides. Dagging Merle, her mind stormed. I swear, I'll skitting kill her.

"Look... I..." Gaen's voice came hesitantly from behind her. He'd obviously approached the rock, but was keeping his distance.

"Leave me alone," Judit said, trying not to cry. She'd rather be buried alive than have this conversation.

"I didn't mean to... I didn't want to crook you," he continued, clearly embarrassed. "I just... we're all so on top of each other out here. We can't afford to..."

He stopped talking, and she sensed him approaching, his crunching footsteps get closer. She stiffened. With her peripheral vision she watched him sit on the edge of the rock to her left, leaving a sizeable distance between them. His face was directed to the woods, and she was relieved he didn't look at her.

"I... I just..." He started speaking, then faltered, sighing. "I think..."

"Leave me alone," Judit repeated sulkily. She could feel the rock, icy cold through her trousers, freezing her bottom.

"No. I'm just trying to say something. I mean, I can understand why you might act like—why you would be how you are. If what Merle says is true. I totally understand. It makes... I would probably do the same. But..."

He stopped, dipped his head, rubbed his eyes. "People can change," he said eventually. "Feelings change. It's only fair..." He turned his head further away from her, as if surveying the woods to his left-hand side.

"Like, my first girlfriend," he went on. "I... I was so into her at the time, y'know, but when I think of her now... It just seems totally off kilter, like what the hell was I thinking?"

Okay, I officially can't handle this, Judit thought. Gaen has had a girlfriend? What the skit? That thought totally hurled her out. She'd kind of unconsciously assumed he just sat alone in a room—or a cave, more likely, up a tree, something like that—and didn't interact with anyone else until the day they met. The thought of him running around with loads of randos, having feelings, was the most off-kilter thing she'd ever experienced. It reminded her of that day with Rama, meeting Tish.

"Why are you telling me this?" Judit couldn't help the hostility creeping into her voice. "I don't want to know."

"Yeah, sorry." He looked embarrassed, tried to tuck his hair behind his ear again. "I'm just trying to say, we're all young, y'know? It's not... it's not weird for young people to change their minds. Change their... feelings. Like you can like someone, then realise maybe you like someone else, too. Or instead. Something like that."

"I don't know what you're trying to say." Judit folded her arms tighter, turned away from him. "I licit don't know why we need to have this conversation. I think we should just go back. And never, ever skitting talk about this again. And if you tell anyone..."

She stood up, started to walk away, but Gaen followed her, gently touched her arm. She jerked away like he had something contagious, but stopped.

"I'm not going to tell anyone," Gaen said quietly. "But he's my friend. My best friend, as stupid as that sounds. And... and I can see you're not happy, but he's not happy either. He hasn't been for a while. And I've been worried, and I wondered.."

"Gaen, no." Judit lifted her hand to wipe her eyes, horrified at the tears creeping along her lashes. There was no way she could face up to all this now, before that stupid Hollymas party tonight. What was Gaen doing? "Please. Please let's not have this conversation."