Savages

14: Sex and Friendship

Sannah couldn't believe how awfully Gaen and Merle had reacted. It was like they had no empathy at all. Poor Lintie,  she thought. This must be so scary for her. She should be the priority.

Sannah imagined how she would feel if she'd got pregnant, when she slept with Saint. There was fear, of course, but there was also excitement. There was something so wonderful about the idea of them being so connected, so official. A family. She immediately felt ashamed of that thought, and didn't know why. No, she did know why.

Sannah's foolish heart and body screamed that sex was about love, even children, but the world had always told her something very different. That sex was about sensation. Recreation. Entertainment. Money even. Power. She didn't know who was right, but she was just an idiot kid and society had wisdom, experience and numbers on its side.

It all hurled her out. Everything back at school, in Albia, had always conspired to make her feel like she was such a freak, a failure even, for still being a virgin at seventeen, never having had a boyfriend, never having kissed anyone. Like there was something so utterly wrong and shameful about that.

Adverts and music videos and the internet and everything shouted at her all the time: sex is normal! Sex is fun! Why aren't you having sex? Why aren't you sexy? You're not having sex. What's wrong with you?

But when teenagers did do it, if they happened to get pregnant, it was treated like the worst thing ever. A teen mum. A life ruined. Social shame. So you were babyish and a prude if you didn't, and ruined and shameful if you did. You couldn't win.

If Sannah was honest, the whole industry of "sex"—from the Metropol to Tahki Leoni to aftershave ads to everything—totally scared her, and grossed her out. It made no sense. But she was ashamed of that response too, and saw it as a signal of her immaturity. But still, the thought of having a kid... it had so much baggage.

Sannah blinked, and swallowed. Poor Lintie, to be dealing with all that now. And then her so-called friends reacted like they did.

She probably should have expected something like that from Merle, but Sannah was disappointed in Gaen. He'd seemed so sensitive when they spoke in the greenhouse. She'd clearly judged him wrong.

They were whispering loudly now with Jaddy, completely oblivious to how upset Lintie was. Even though they were in Lintie's house, even though she'd just made that huge announcement, even though she really should be at the centre of everything.

Hegri and Lulu had moved forward to try and comfort the distraught girl, and Sannah was struck by how different they were, as people, to Gaen and Merle.

She thought how comfortable she'd felt in their company during the meal, and how uncomfortable she'd felt with Merle and Brock earlier. There are two types of people on this island, Sannah thought, and I know which ones I like best.

She stepped forward, between Lulu and Hegri, to try and offer some comfort to Lintie, though she wasn't sure what to do. She just wanted to try and make things better.

"It's okay, it's going to be okay," Hegri was saying, rubbing Lintie's shoulder. "In the olden days it was totally normal for people as young as us—even younger—to have kids. It's natural. And there's loads on looking after babies in the book, I've seen it. Even having them and everything. It'll all be fine, I know it will."

Lintie's crying abated, her breath coming in gulps, her hands clasped around Lulu's back as she hugged her.

"If anyone can do this you can," Hegri carried on, his voice encouraging. "You'll be an amazing mum. And Brock is good at all this stuff,"—he motioned around them with his head—"so he'll be able to look after you. You know he will. I can't think of anyone better able to deal with this than you guys."