always had that heart of mine

freshman year

They meet freshman year. Tyler has seen Josh around the school before and he's always thought he was pretty cute. He's heard rumors about the boy being gay, but he doesn't know for sure. All he knows is that Josh has a really pretty smile, okay?

It's in drama club, the first time Tyler gets the nerve to speak to the cute boy rather than stare at him longingly (creepily) from far away. The drama club isn't much of a club, because there's no room in the school budget for one, but more of a young English teacher yelling out ideas about putting together a production inspired by Tim Burton to a group of maybe fifteen 'artsy' kids. Halfway through the teacher talking about how they could switch from movie to movie, Tyler stared to space out, staring at the back of Josh's head. There's no way the play will work, successfully anyways, and Tyler realizes that this is a huge waste of his time, but at least it's an excuse to look at Josh for an hour or so.

Josh ended up turning around in his seat, probably having realized the same thing as Tyler. Josh smiles when they meet eyes and Tyler blushes and tries to act like he wasn't just staring and daydreaming about Josh's lips. Josh asks him if he likes Tim Burton.

"I've always been a big fan. I really liked Sweeney Todd, I probably know like all the lyrics to the songs," he lets out a shaky laugh and picks at his fingers, eyes still on Josh as he speaks. "You know the character Mrs. Lovett? She's my favorite." Josh nods along the entire time Tyler is speaking.

"I was actually just thinking that you'd be perfect to play her." Tyler's face goes red, redder than Josh's hair, and he can't stop smiling.

"Thanks."

"You should totally audition for that role."

Tyler doesn't though. Maybe he's being a little pretentious, but he doesn't go back to drama club and neither does Josh. They see each other in the hallways sometimes and share shy smiles now. Tyler notices that they have a computer class together. Tyler doesn't talk to Josh, though, just watches him laugh and smile with his friends from afar. Tyler is jealous of all of them.

He's jealous of Josh too, if he really admits it. Josh gets an award at the end of the year for being the top student. Tyler claps loudly and smiles to himself, watching as Josh is called onto the stage and handed an award. There's something in the back of his mind, eating away at him the whole time. why couldn't you be better? why can't you be more like josh? you worked so hard and here you are. you still weren't good enough. josh was better than you. that's why he has friends and you don't. josh is way out of your league. stop dreaming.

Tyler shakes his head a little and sweeps the bad thoughts to the back of his mind. Josh looks really happy.

He's glad.