Rants Of A Nigerian Girl

Boy Trouble

Dedicated to TuriIwuru

From the title of this chapter I'm sure you're expecting me to start ranting about the recent problems I've had with one guy or the other..... Ha no, no, no. The kind of boy trouble I'm talking about is the kind most African girls go through and it involves our parents especially our mothers (I'm not saying we don't have actual boy trouble cause we do).

See the thing is it is practically a sin to interact or be friends with a guy who is not your brother, uncle and cousin if you're a girl in an African home (please this may not apply to everyone). Its like you've committed an unforgivable crime if your parents catch you talking to or even looking at a boy, this is not even a joke.

I remember when I was about 13 I had this friend in church, let's call him Tolu, So Tolu and I used to be very close but only in church cause we rarely saw outside of church and I taught my mother was aware of my friendship with him and was okay with it, that wasn't the case at all. One blessed day she saw us talking 😭and before I knew what was going on I was being taken away then this conversation happened while we were walking

Mummy: Ayomide (I already know I'm in trouble cause my full name is being used) who was that boy you were talking to?

Me:  That's my friend Tolu (mistake number one admitting he was my friend)

Mummy: Friend ke?

Me: Yes Mummy my friend (mistake number two reaffirming that he was my friend)
 
Mummy:  Ehehn your "friend". Which day did you start having boy friend ehn ehn. You will not behave yourself and stop following all these small-small  boys around ehn you this girl *sucks teeth* metcheeeww

Me: Mummy its not like tha.... (Mistake number 3  trying to contradict my mother)

Mummy: Will you shut up your mouth there, MuMmY is NOt lIKe ThAt (her trying mimic me)
If you now get pregnant you still be saying its not like that abi. You won't respect yourself, be talking to boy up and down. Don't worry I'll tell your father

Me: Bu... (Mistake number 4 trying to defend myself)

Mummy: Don't let me slap you, I told you to shut up.*sucks teeth again*

Me: *doesn't say anything only breaths in deeply*

Mummy: WO don't annoy  me further. *Continues to ramble as we walk*

Me: 😐

This happened every time I talked to a boy or a boy talked to me. I'm 18 now and its still happening.
But funny enough my mother will now be telling me "you'll soon get married oh and move into your husband's house and I'm thinking"but I don't even have a boyfriend, does she now expect husband to  fall from the sky or am I supposed to grow one, how does she think the husband will come I don't know .
I'm thinking this cause I'm not supposed to have a relationship with anything male that is not a family member but before I'm 24 I must be married 😩
Today oh just today here we had this conversation (it has started to become a daily topic 😒. That's why I even wrote about it sef). It went something like this

Mummy:  Ayo I hope you don't have a boyfriend.

Me: No mummy

Mummy: Hmm are you sure? What about all those yeye boys you are always talking to

Me: They're just my friends

Mummy: Hian just your friends?

Me: Yes ma

Mummy: I hope so o. Don't let me by mistake hear you a have one. Or you have one and you are not telling.

Me: Yes ma

Not more than 20 minutes later as we were looking at someone wedding pictures on IG (its my fault for showing her sef)

Mummy: I hope you know you'll soon get married

Me: Ehn?

Mummy: Yes na. Abi you don't want to marry ? (never make the mistake of saying you don't want to marry to an African parent, its like signing a death wish 💀)

Me: I do

Mummy: Ehen so you'll you soon get married . Before you're 22 you should already be having you first child (I don't understand the logic behind this either)

I'm just there like 😐😐 were you not the one telling me I hope you don't have a boyfriend like 20 minutes ago ahahn kilode?
I don't know weather she expects my husband to appear from thin air when she's ready for me to get married. I'm sure if I ask her she'll tell me "don't worry God will provide One". 😩.

Glossary

Ke: way of adding emphasize or expression displeasure
Ehehn: Really, What
Ehen: Yes
Ehn: what, yes or a way of adding emphasis in a sentence
Abi: yes or way of adding emphasis in a sentence
Na: way of adding emphasis in a sentence
Sef: Shortened way if saying self or used to add emphasis in a sentence
Ahahn: emphasis in a sentence or a way of expressing displeasure, what is it.
Kilode: what is it
Hian: a way of expressing displeasure
WO: see, look
Yeye: Useless, Stupid, Good for nothing

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Thank you for reading
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If you've had similar experiences I'd like to hear about them.

PS. What I wrote may not apply to all Africans but it applies to a vast majority. Please don't not take offence if this doesn't apply to you or you feel like I'm generalizing. Thank you 😁