October 1, 2016 was the best day of my sophomore year. It was the day of my school's homecoming. I was really excited because this year a guy that I had been talking to asked me to be his date. Another thing that was really exciting about it was me and one other friend was going to go to our other friends house and get our hair and makeup done. Then our dates would come and we would take pictures together and separately. Then we headed to the place our homecoming was going to be at. That night was so amazing I got to spend time with my friends and I got to hangout with Tyler (my date) who I really liked. At the end of the night turned my head towards him and kissed me. Afterwards we had made our relationship status official. People thought that we were together but we weren't.
November 1, 2016 was the worst day of my sophomore year. It should have been a happy day. It was Tyler and mine one month anniversary. After school we both had practice for our bowling team. After practice me and him were talking and I could tell something was going to happen. While we were talking it was getting harder and harder for me to speak because I was holding back tears, and he looked at me and his voice started to shake while he said "please don't cry". Which made me want to cry even more. I looked up and him and said that is really hard to do right now. At the end of our conversation, we both hugged and walked our separate ways. We had broken up. Later that evening he texted me and asked if I was doing okay. I replied to him saying "I doing the best that I could be doing after a breakup". His response to that was "oh. I am really sorry and I did not want to hurt you more than I already have". What he mean by that was he started to get really busy with homework and was not talking to me as much as he usually did.
Time skip to about the middle of January
There he is again. It is hard to see him and not get those feelings for him. Just seeing him hurts so much. Could I have done something wrong? Did ever feel the same about me? It just does not make any sense. Did he use me to get his mind off of another girl? All these questions are going through my mind every second of the day. All my friends think that I am okay. But in reality I only make it seem that way. I do not want my friends to feel sorry for me and I know they like seeing me this way. I cover how I am feeling when I am around them. But it is getting harder and harder.
Now he is acting different around me. He is starting to act the way he use to when we were together. It just makes no sense. He seems to not like it when I am talking to other guys. He tends to come up to me when I'm talking to another guy and interrupt the conversation and start talking to my friend. He is the one that called off the relationship but I saw it coming because he was getting really busy with school and did not have time for me. But if he was the one that called off the relationship then why is he acting this way? Honestly it just doesn't make sense. (a/n skip to February 24, I wrote this part in the car on the way home) Then our bowling team went to districts and on the bus ride back to school he sat with me and as soon as we sat down he looks at me and says "feel free to use me as a pillow" he said this because we had all been awake since 5:30-6 am. It was now 3:30pm. We both almost fell asleep on the bus and during this time he grabs my hand and holds it... After a little while when we were half way home I looked up at him and noticed he was looking at me he seemed to be in a deep thought. He noticed I was about to say something so he leaned down and I asked "what". He then leans in so that he could talk in my ear and said " I'm tempted to do something". When I asked what that was he said nothing. Soon our bus gets to school and we part ways. Once I got in my car I texted him asking what it was he was tempted to do. He responded saying "Idk... I wasn't going to... also I felt wrong with all of that". I responded same because it has been four months since we have acted like that. And I really did not feel right. But what I do not get is he was the one who told me I could lay my head on his shoulder. And he was the one who grabbed my hand. He was the one who started acting all different. But then he also was the one to say of felt wrong. Like if it felt wrong why did you do it? Why are you playing with my emotions like this? Do you still have feelings for me or not? He literally confuses me so much I do not know what to do.
Let me know what you think.
