RACH
" Stop right there, Missie. You're not going anywhere. "
" Let me leave, Mom. " kalmado kong sabi, still not facing my Mom behind me.
" No. You should stop this foolishness. He's already dead, daughter. Kahit magtira ka sa sementeryo, kahit lumuhod ka sa puntod niya. He's-never-gonna-come-back. " matapang nyang sabi.
Napatigil ako sa sinabi niya at hinarap siya. Ngumisi ako. " Happy now, Ma?" I gritted my teeth to stop my tears from falling. Napanganga siya. " This is what you want, isn't it? Kayo ni Papa, gusto niyong maghiwalay kami diba? Baka nga masaya kayo na patay na siya. "
Nagulat ako sa bigla niyang pagsampal sakin. " How dare you say that to your own mother! Yes, I want you two to break up! My god, Rachelle Watson! You're boyfr- .. he's a mafia for God's sake! I just want you to be safe... I just.. " then her tears fall. NapahawaK ako sa pisngi ko pero hindi pa rin ako natinag. Me? Safe? They didn't even treat me as their own daughter.
" Cut it out, Ma. Im' not fond of your dramas. " Nagulat siya sa sinabi ko. Siguro ang inaasahan niya ay yayakapin at magso-sorry ako sa kaniya. Never. Madali akong lumabas ng pinto at binalewala ko na ang pagtawag niya sakin.
Madali akong sumakay ng kotse ko. They never treat me as a part of their family. Yes, I can get all the material things that I want in just a snap, pero yung pagmamahal? Ni minsan hindi ko pa nararamdaman. Si Van lang at ang mga kaibigan ko ang nagbigay sakin n'on. Ganun siguro talaga ang may pamilyang mayaman no? Ganun lagi ang problema.
I grin while reminiscing the memories why I hate my family. I grew up with my Yaya Tasia. Since I was a child, siya na yung tinuturing kong ina. Bata pa lang ako, marami na kong insecurities sa ate ko. Rebecca Watson is the name. She got it all, in short. Ako yung bunso, pero si ate yung laging pinupuri at pinapansin. I did all my best para matuwa sila sakin. Ginangalingan ko sa lahat ng bagay, but all the things that I did were not enough para mapansin nila ko.
I accepted that. Wala naman akong magagawa diba? Saka, mabait sakin si Ate. Siya yung yung humihingi na pasensya kapag may nasasabi sakin ang mga magulang namin. Siya yung nagpuno ng lahat ng pagkukulang nila. But my nightmare came when my sister died because of me. She saved me from a rushing truck.
A tear fell from my eye. I heaved a long sigh. Hanggang ngayon, hinahabol pa rin ako ng bangungot na yun. My sister full of blood begging the Gods for me to live. She's so selfless. Hindi naman ako yung nasaktan. Siya. Pero ako pa rin yung iniisip niya. And since that day, lalong lumayo yuing loob ng pamilya ko sakin. Even without saying a word, I knew that they blame me for her death.
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Nakarating na ko sa puntod ni Van. Pinunasahan ko ang mga luha ko. I want to be strong in front him, but I guess I can't.
I sat on the grass in front of the grave and tears started fall. Again.
" Hey. Ilang beses na ba kong nagpupunta dito?" napatawa ko. " Know what, Van? Sabi ni Jas, ginawa ko na daw bahay tong sementeryo. Inaaraw araw ko na raw kasi." Tumigil ako habang pinupunasan ang mga luha kong patuloy na tumutulo.
" I really hate you! I hate you for leaving me here alone! You know I can't live without you! Why did you go? You're my knight and shining armor, s-sino na yung magtatanggol sakin? Sino na yung magpapatahan sakin? You said you'll marry me someday. You said we'll gonna have lots of children. You said.."
Humahagulgol na ko. Since he died, this place is my safe haven. Isang buwan palang siyang nawawala but it seem a lifetime na. " They're always asking if I'm okay. Fuck, Van, ofcourse not! How can I be okay if the half of my soul is not with me! I'll never be complete again. My God! I missed you so much. I want feel your hugs, your warmth, your kisses, I want to feel you again. I want you. I n-need you. "
Hindi na ko makapagsalita dahil sa labis na pag iyak. I want to stop these tears from falling. I want to be numb.
Pagkatapos na ilang oras na pag iyak. Muli akong nagsalita. " Van, you're my blood spreading through my heart- pumping me numb. I'll make him pay for killing you. I don't care about myself, I just want him to feel the pain I'm feeling right now. No. Gagawin kong doble. Ipaghihiganti kita. I'll rip his heart off. Itago mo sa bato. "
I started to walk and made my plan. " Be ready Firo Montealegre."
