It's 3am
and I've been making beats all night
I can't get it right
and I got a feeling my lyrics is wack
Am I just hallucinating or does my pen look blurry
cause this light isn't helping & my eyes getting heavy
I look at the time it's now 3:01 ...
Time is going past so slow ...
As I try and carry on a burden came over me
I can't hear myself think cause there's to much noise ..
My mama in the back saying clean my room and my brothers and sisters arguing about something that happened last week
I can't take it no more
all the thoughts of not being good enough race through my head
and I can hear my own continence doubting me ..
I look back at the time it's now 3:05 man time is going past so slow
Suddenly a song comes on
& oh man it just really hit home
cause I got up ran to the bathroom closed the door
hit my back on the wall and slide down crying and all
I feel my jaws water and I lean over into the toilet I guess my mind needs to throw up .
Afterwards I lock the door
I just remembered I hid a 40 my homie gave me behind the the toilet .. For some reason I just looked my self in the mirror & felt nothing,
I saw me but I felt as if my heart was numb
I take off my shoes and my socks , I run some water in the tub .. I look at the time it's now 3:20
My meager left foot slowly enters the tub with my right in following ..
I fell to my knees as they Trimble .. Then I lay down limb by limb till my curls touch the back of the tub
I take a big gulp of this drink cause my plan is to get so far gone I won't remember how I got here ..
As I look up at the ceiling I bend my head down and notice I still have my clothes on ...
Oh well I don't care
Suddenly I was interrupted by 3 big bangs at the bathroom door ..
My mother on the other side yelling my name
and shaking the door knob ..
I look over and place my drink on the grown ..
She's still yelling & banging and shaking the knob
I close my eyes and I drown myself in the water ..
I can't hear a thing now , I can only hear my heart beat get slower & slower ..my veins get tight ,
my hair feelings like its just floating in mid air ..
My legs are weightless upon this hollow water ...
I raise up fast cause for some odd reason I couldn't breathe anymore
I could only hear my conscious in the back of my mind saying
"this is what you deserve " my own brain is against me
Bang! Bang! Bang!
She's still yelling and banging at the door
I look at the time & it's 3:27
Man time is going past so slow
I get out and just lye on the floor ... Everything is blurry and this banging got me going insane ...
I finally have enough energy to get up all soak and wet to unlock & open the door
Except .. No one was there
I was puzzled so I dragged along the hallway and into each bed room but no one was in the house ..
I look at the time & it's 3:30 now
I think to myself man time is going past so slow
But never mind that
cause who was banging? , who was yelling? , who was rattling the door knob ? Who was making all the commotion before it even came to this?
Weren't my brother & sister arguing ?
Suddenly I'm in a room .. It's raining and just enough light is coming through the window ...
I can't believe it was all only a dream ..
