Chronicles of a happy and terrified soon-to-be bride

18 days before the D-day

Hi there,

I have so much things to tell you and at the same time, I don't really feel like talking. 

Nothing is going as planned, neither for him, nor for me, nor for us. We had to find a solution for our housing issue and now that we might have, I feel like a slug stuck in quick-sand. Don't question me about this methaphor, I have no idea where it comes from. After discussing the matter for hours, we came up to the conclusion that we might have to accept our families' offer. No comment ! With the party's expenses, the lack of resources from my side and his major client giving him hard time and no money, I don't think my motivation speeches still count for something. I couldn't even handle seeing him so stressed and overwhelmed by the situation. That's not the point ! that has never been the point of us being together. We are supposed to unite our forces and stand to whatever complications we might encounter, not just dive in life's torments and expect it to be more than miserable. No matter the number of couples who will tell you that everything changes the moment things get serious, you still believe, that you can do better. That you and your partner are a winning team and that you can make it work without losing faith in "happily ever after". I think I might start to get how pretentious and naive it sounds. I am not saying we can't do better (always loved a challenge), but obviously, I can't say for sure, that we won't do worse. In fact, I now realize how unrealistic my expectations about this relationship are. I believe that he, my prince charming, is going to take me on his horse, far away from all this mess and this deplorable money-driven world. The truth is, not only we are broke, but we also have literally, nowhere to go.

Life is hard work. Love is hard work, but I am not sure to have got that right, at first. When we met, I was so happy to have found someone who finally understood me, that I thought that I could handle everything else with all fingers in my nose. Now, I am not even sure to have enough fingers to even enumerate everything I'll need to handle.

So I just told him to do whatever he needs to do to get rid of "additional sources of stress" (even if it means losing his client and therefore, a great part of our future potential earnings), tell his parents that we accept their offer on a half-time basis - the other half we could stay at my mom's and just be grateful for what we have. Living in both our parents houses is certainly not an easy thing but I figured that since we were going on full family support, we'd better get used to sharing everything.

Did I tell you that I am better at speeches and counseling than in taking action ? Well now you know and I have a feeling that you should keep that in mind. When I told him that, I had said what I thought I should say, and I am just starting to think about the implications. 

I'm already hearing applauses in my head. I don't think I can properly comment the decision we've made, so I guess I'll just have to accept it and establish it as our new normal. My sweetheart and I are getting married soon, then we'll keep living at our parent's like any ordinary twentieth century couple whose parents didn't kick out ! 

Should we own double of everything or just buy brand new suitcases and get better at packing ?Would it be on a one-week or two weeks rounds ? Did I tell you that I really hate packing ? 

Once again, I don't think I should have mentioned that. Every scaring thing I share or even think about, turns into reality, easier than said ! It is actually the only thing that is done easier than said. So let's just chase those thoughts and think of something more... positive.

Let's make a list of all the reasons why, I shouldn't be complaining. 

1- I was afraid of not being able to find a house, now I have two. 

2- We could be homeless and literally have nowhere to live, but it seems that we are blessed, lucky people ! 

3- It might be a nice experience to have family around to help you with everything. Spending, chores... 

And that's it ! I am starting to get short on positive arguments so I am just going to stop and accept the status quo. It's the best we could came up with and if it means we get to be together, then it's a deal.

I promised myself that I wouldn't let my expectations ruin my destiny but rather serve it, cause the thing with expectations is that once you can't reach them, your world starts to fall apart and then YOU start to fall apart. I'm not going to let this happen, again.  I'd rather lower my expectations, than fall apart when I am just getting started. THAT is called being realistic and not thinking that once you found the right person, life becomes a marvelous journey you can just enjoy. Who am I fooling ? Even if it was, it would have been different for me. From the first time I've discovered the word Karma, I started to think that the whole point of my existence is to make a point ! A real-life example of how even the simplest things can get complicated ! Just put your finger on it and enjoy the show.

We made a decision and now we need to make it work. For anyone who ever thought that the hardest part is to find love, know that it won't stop other things to find you and kill you. I should probably watch less action movies or romantic movies for that matter, and start watching documentaries and real life stories. I might learn a thing or two or even feel less pathetic compared to other people -- which is kind of pathetic itself. I know.

So I'll leave you to your thoughts and give my attention to my long lost friend, Morpheus. Who knows ? maybe this time, he'll stay long enough to hold me in his arms and not just giggle at me before rushing to someone else.

Wish me luck and don't you dare giggle at my back. When I start to question myself this much, I tend to become suspicious. Sorry, friend.