I don't have many memories from my childhood but I suppose looking back now I wonder why I would want to remember at all, I suppose it sometimes feels like a part of me is missing but it's a hard feeling to understand at times.
Going right back to the beginning is hard and some of my memories are sketchy but I'm going to try my best to remember as much detail as possible.
My "mother" fell pregnant with me at 19 and gave birth to me while she was twenty, I'd love to tell a story of how I was brought into a happy loving home and had a good life but unfortunately I can't, my "father" to this day is an alcoholic and walked out of my life when I was just 1 so I have no memories of him at all and to be honest for that I am glad.
When I was just 1 both my mother and father handed me over to social services for reasons I don't care to know, I spend the next few years in care, in this time my mother fought to have me returned home and was successful, most people look at this as a positive thing but in fact it's was only the beginning of my hell, at times I wish she never bothered and maybe then I would have had a childhood to be happy about.
On being returned "home" to my mother she had a new life and new relationship and had also had more kids, I wont talk about my siblings as I will let them tell there own stories, to the outside world wee looked like a perfect family but on the inside it was anything but, my first memory of my home life then is of domestic violence, this would have consisted of physical and emotional, I can remember lying in bed with my siblings beside me, we would all have been crying hearing shouting and fighting and objects being smashed and thrown around, lying in bed terrified of what was going on, to this day I still remember how scared I was and still have dreams were I can recall everything.
This was daily life for so long that It was normal, I remember spending time in a women's refuge for a period of time along with my mother and siblings and honestly it's the only good times I can remember.
My mum went back to the man in question and things went back to square 1, only at this time I didn't realise my nightmare was only beginning.
