Laura

Part III

 'I hate you,' Laura laughed, dropping the Playstation controller and lightly punching my arm. I sat with another goofy grin on my face, wrapping my arms around her, and pulling her in tightly despite the fact she was grumbling and pushing me away.  'I'm never going to let you go,' I whispered in her ear, and she snaked her arms around mine. 'I never want you to.' We stayed like this for a while, savoring each others company as the slight hissing of her oxygen machine continued in the background. I pushed the two tubes away from her mouth, parting them like curtains as I pressed my lips against hers. I felt her hand come up to cup my cheek, her pale skin no longer cold against mine as a rush of warmth flushed over me and my cheeks burned a bright red. I could feel her lips move, smiling against mine as she pulled away from me and sat back on the bed. We didn't talk for the rest of the time we played, but she kept her pale leg resting against mine. I found myself in the ICU three weeks later. The world was spinning around me as I was piled in to an ambulance and then in a matter of moments I was slumped against another wall in another hospital. I was breathing heavily, almost animalistic as tears were falling freely from my face and making small puddles against the light blue tiles of the hospital floor. Two hours ago I saw my girl-something struggle with her breathing tubes, only to watch as she slowly suffocated as I was told to remain calm over the phone by a woman who's most terrifying encounter was loosing a twenty dollar pair of earrings. I had collapsed in a heap next to her, whispering to her that everything would be okay while she slowly lost her supply of oxygen. I wanted to leap in and be the hero to rescue her from her struggle, and from the cancer that riddled her; but in the back of my mind and on the other end of the phone, I was being told to leave her alone. My brain was telling me to run away from her, to leave her before she left me shattered with pain, her cold lifeless body in my arms. My sisters memory would no longer be in the past, hitting me like a truck as I relived the same moment again and again with two different people that I love. But I stayed, I waited until I herd the sirens and until the nurses were pulling me off her. I stayed with her on the ambulance as her eyes flickered up at mine and wondered why I wasn't there to save her in what we both thought would be her final moment. It was a fight between my love for her, and my undying thoughts of how she would be leaving me behind and torn once she was gone. It was a battle that wasn't being fought with guns and ammunition, but with a sweet girl wrought by diseases who's only wish was to love one last time. It was a war that I couldn't win. No one could win. I stood with my head down in the rain as she walked with shaking legs to her car in the far end of the parking lot. She told me she didn't want me to see her like this, beaten and bruised by the cancer that had become her. I watched her anyway. The water felt cool against my hot skin, and it made every part of me ache from the two sleepless nights I spent outside Laura's hospital room door wishing that she would just wake up. I made my way over to her car, tapping on the glass of the window and watching it slowly roll down as Laura sat, unmoving in the back seat. I reached out and touched her face, turning it towards mine and leaning in through the window to kiss her. We were both soaking wet now, the rain pouring freely in to the open window and the water dripping off the half of my body that stuck awkwardly in to her car. I couldn't help but laugh at the cliche, smiling in to her like she used to do to me. Despite the coldness of her skin and the rain, I only felt warmth as she wrapped her arms around my shoulders. 'Never let me go,' she whispered in to my mouth, and now I could feel the tears that were trickling down her cheeks and latching themselves on to me. 'Never,' I whispered back in assurance, wrapping my hands awkwardly around her decaying waistline.  She was the first to break the contact, moving back to her position with her head down, but I could still see the red that had flushed her cheeks. I watched the window slowly roll back up, the barrier between me and her becoming evident and I pressed a hand against the glass as the car started up. When the car rolled away, I stood there helplessly watching Laura disappear in the distance. That would be the last time I kissed her.